I tragically lost my 3-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Fendi, in a car accident. It was such a shock and so painful. Losing him was so sudden and unfair; I still haven't really got over it. Does one ever really get over it, anyway? It was only 3 months ago, back in November 2013.
I quickly started thinking about getting another dog, a golden Cocker just like Fendi. I’m just too miserable without a dog in my life. But before making a final decision, I wanted to visit a few breeders, just to see how I’d react being around other Cockers and if I’d just keep comparing them to Fendi—JUST TO SEE... well, as you can imagine, I completely fell for one!
A little puppy, absolutely full of beans and the last one left, wouldn't stop coming up to me... I've reserved him, and he’ll be ready to come home around the 15th of February.
This is the little guy, "Blondin": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF3IS_snJAc&feature=share&list=UUjcuDTld3CzhhC8wZ0Ftcjg
I’m over the moon, I can’t believe it!! But at the same time, I feel like I’m replacing Fendi a bit too soon, and I’m feeling really guilty. I’m scared this feeling will hold me back from giving this little puppy all the love I should...
Has anyone else been through this? Please share your stories :)
Karen
Translated from French
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Hi there, I went through that same guilt four years ago... I had a Lhasa Apso who passed away at 17 and a half. I was heartbroken, and honestly, I still am even now as I'm typing these few lines🤧. I only lasted two months without a dog because I just can't live without a pet by my side. I got a tri-colour Cavalier King Charles Spaniel; I cried when I first held him in my arms because I felt like my old dog was watching me, and I felt so guilty. But deep down, I knew he’d be in my heart forever. Just because you have this new little bundle of fluff by your side, it doesn't mean you'll ever forget your old four-legged friend. That puppy is four now, and I still think about my Lhasa Apso all the time. Love your pup with all your heart, and you'll see, everything will be alright. Wishing you all the best and lots of happiness with your new companion—he’s absolutely adorable in the video, such a sweetie 3
Hi there. My dog passed away in December 2012, and two months later we adopted a gorgeous little beagle. I also had so many doubts and felt really guilty, worrying that if he was looking down on me from up there, he might think I’d forgotten him. And I haven’t forgotten him; he’s with me everywhere. I’ve still got his collar, photos, his name all over the place :-) but my little beagle is my other baby! You have to keep moving forward, and the love of a dog is just so wonderful. You’ll see, your worries will all vanish once your little dog arrives. All the best for everything :-D
Hi there, I went through almost the exact same thing as you. My Brittany Spaniel, Flèche, passed away on 23rd November 2013; he was only 3 years old. He suddenly had a stroke and his condition went downhill so fast that within two weeks I had to have him put to sleep. It was such a shock to me as we were inseparable—I stayed right by his side until the very end. Luckily, Luna, my one-year-old Jack Russell, was there to help me through it, even though she also struggled with losing Flèche (I’m certain animals grieve too when they lose one of their own).
Anyway, until the end of December I was in a really bad way. I couldn't face getting another dog, especially not one of the same breed. Then in January, I got his ashes back and that really helped me find some peace. Flèche is on my TV unit in the middle of the living room, so in a way, he’s not completely gone.
In mid-January, I got Fiona, a three-month-old Jack Russell, and I honestly feel like Flèche is living on through her. It’s uncanny—she has all the same little habits he had. For me, it’s a sign; it had to be her and no one else. All this is just to say that if you feel ready to get a new dog—who will never replace your old one—that little thing will really help you deal with the grief.
Sorry for the long essay, I hope this makes you feel a bit better and helps you not to blame yourself. All the best to you and your future pup.
I’ve just realised that my Fendi passed away on 19/11/13 and my future pup, Blondin, was born 2 days later on 21/11/13. I see it as a sign... a good sign. If he’d been born before then, it wouldn’t have felt right.
Actually, this "conflicted" feeling – and that really is the word for it – of guilt is coupled with a huge amount of doubt about how much love I’m going to be able to give this puppy. It’s hard to explain. I’m scared I won’t be up to the task, or that I might regret it later because I’m still grieving, far from it. But I just can’t face waiting through what would surely be an endless period of time without a dog...
I also had a lot of doubts before my first dog, Fendi, arrived… but it was different then. It was the fear of the unknown. The fear of being responsible for a little life (and I failed miserably with Fendi, who was killed in a car accident...)
It’s a bit of a make-or-break situation. Here’s what I’m worried about: either it doesn't go well (and this little lad deserves an owner who hasn't just lost their dog, but it’s too late now), or I have a bit of a revelation, and he helps me move on and pull myself out of this hole...
I think the second scenario is probably what will happen, but I still feel guilty. It’s as if I’m using him to get through a rough patch. He won't even realise, obviously, but mentally, it’s not easy for me. I’m quite anxious. Even though I can't wait for him to be here... it’s just very conflicted and complicated to explain 🤷
We’ll see how it goes… the wheels are in motion now anyway.
The same thing happened to me, and I can tell you that the love you give to a new companion will never take away the love for the dog you’ve lost.
I promise you, they will always be in your heart.
The new dog will help stop you from feeling so low and dwelling too much on your old dog while the loss is still so raw. You’ll be able to keep things in perspective; it’ll just happen naturally. Hang in there.
We tragically lost our dog, Isis; she was a Poodle cross Bichon and was 9 years old.
We just couldn't bear her being gone anymore; she was such a huge presence in our home. I work from home too, so I felt like I was seeing her in every corner of the garden. The hardest part was coming back to the house and having no one there to give us a proper greeting.
We talked it over with our daughters and decided to get another dog, but a completely different breed and a male this time, as we thought it would be easier if we weren't constantly comparing the two.
A month and a half later, we went to collect little Ippon from the breeder. He brings us so much joy, even though I’ll always miss my sweet Isis.
Hi there!
I know exactly how you feel, as something very similar happened to me... I lost my dog when she was only 2 years old... and we got a new puppy just a month and a half later. I felt so guilty about it at first. But then, bit by bit, you start to see them as individuals. Mind you, I didn't want to get another Boxer because it was just too painful. Ioltan brings us so much love, but he could never, EVER replace my Thaika! Even now, when I look at photos of my girl, I still burst into tears.
I remember your story and Fendi's... it was so moving. Just remember that the little lad you’re about to adopt is going to need you just as much, but he’ll never replace your baby!
Hang in there, and a big welcome to Blondin!!
Hello @Kf, please don't feel guilty. It's only human, honestly. You’ll always keep your dog in your heart, and you’ll have love for the new one too—it won't be the same kind of love, but it’s something you need. So don’t be so hard on yourself; it doesn’t mean you’ll forget your first dog. Many of us have been through the same thing and there’s absolutely no reason to feel bad about it. Have a lovely day and welcome to the new puppy—here’s to a long and happy life together! Have a good one.
I went through the exact same thing. My dog died when she was only 3 years old. Out of nowhere, she became paralysed. My mum picked me up from school and I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have her put down. I felt so incredibly guilty. I loved her so much. I cried every single night for a year and even now, I still find myself welling up sometimes. I felt so much guilt that just a week after she passed away, I went to a rescue centre to get another dog, thinking that saving a life would take away the guilt of ending hers. It didn’t really work like that, to be honest, but the new dog needed so much of my attention that he gradually helped me move on by giving me something else to focus on. I’ve had quite a few dogs and they’ve all had such different personalities that I’ve never seen my old girl in any of the others. Of course, I’ve compared them from time to time, but I’ve never expected one dog to act exactly like the other. They both have their quirks and their flaws. All in all, I’ve never regretted my choice, and it’s been four years now.
