We’re having a bit of a problem with our eighteen-month-old dog. At home, she’s very well-behaved and when we’re at work she stays quite happily on her own without howling, crying or barking.
The issue is when we leave her alone AWAY from home.
When I take her to visit my family for the weekend, I can’t leave her with my siblings or parents (even for five minutes to go and pay the parking meter), even though she absolutely adores them and goes mad with excitement whenever she sees them. It's because she starts howling NON-STOP, and it can go on for hours and hours; according to my family, she won’t stop until she hears me opening the front door.
We take her on holiday with us all the time, and so we can never leave her alone in our holiday accommodation for fear of disturbing the neighbours and simply because it breaks our hearts... We try to find ways to take her everywhere with us, but it proves very complicated in some cases (no dog-friendly restaurants nearby, etc.)
Does anyone have an explanation? Or any advice?
Thanks,
Julie
Translated from French
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While this might sound a bit strange, it’s actually not that unusual. If your dog is perfectly fine being left alone at home, the answer probably lies in the situation itself. She stays calm at home because, firstly, it's her territory, and she knows it’s yours too, so she’s confident you’ll come back. But more importantly, your scent is everywhere in your house; therefore, even when you're gone, to her, it feels like you're still there. You should try giving her a piece of clothing that smells strongly of you when you're out. Start practising this at home: give her the item, then step out and come back almost immediately. Then try it at your parents' house. Give her the clothing, then step out for a few seconds, then 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, and so on... But most importantly, never let her have that piece of clothing while you’re actually there.
Looking at it that way, it makes sense—we’re starting to go back to basics. I’m trying to be a bit more distant and not cave in every time she wants attention! It’s sooooo hard though 😁. When we arrive at our holiday spot this weekend, we’re going to do several "fake departures"... and we’re taking an absolute mountain of chews with us (they really help calm her down!)
Although it might seem strange, it’s not actually that unusual. If your dog is perfectly fine being left alone at home, the solution probably lies in that very fact. She stays calm at home because, for one, it’s her territory and she knows it’s yours too, which means she's certain you’ll be coming back. But even more importantly, your scent is all over the house, so when you're out, you're effectively still "present" as far as she's concerned. So, you should try giving her a piece of clothing that strongly smells of you when you're away from the house. Start practising this at home first: give her the item, then leave and come back almost straight away. Then, try the same thing at your parents’ place. Give her the clothing, then pop out for a few seconds, then one minute, two minutes, three minutes, and so on. But crucially, never let her have that piece of clothing while you're actually there with her.
Hello,
The explanation is quite simple: it’s a distress call. Your dog is calling out for you to come and get her because she feels lost. The problem is that if she keeps doing it until you return, she’s being rewarded for that behaviour—and her reward is your return. It’s positive reinforcement; she’ll keep doing it every time because if it’s worked a few times, she thinks it’ll always work. Your job, then, is to break this habit. For example, try ringing your parents a few minutes before you get home so they can take her out for a walk right then. Usually, being taken out will stop the howling, and that’s the moment you should appear. When you’re out, your parents should also take her out for a few minutes to distract her before bringing her back in. And again, once she’s back inside and isn’t howling yet, you appear. This can take a while, especially if she’s been acting like this for a long time.
I hadn’t thought about appearing while she’s out on a walk... that’s a great idea! But for instance, when we take her on holiday and she has to stay in the flat by herself while we go out for a meal, and there's no one else there... I don't see how to manage that.
Your dog is suffering from over-attachment, so going on holiday will indeed be difficult and is actually best avoided for now. I think you live for your dog and she always gets what she wants—fuss whenever she asks for it, etc. You need to do some simple exercises for a while to help her detach from you a bit (this doesn’t mean she won't love you, just that she’ll be able to cope on her own). The first exercise is teaching her how to handle frustration. Once she can manage her frustration, she’ll be able to stay alone. After that, a few other small exercises will be needed.
That’s what I thought, but the weird thing is that at home she’s perfectly fine on her own—no barking, no crying, nothing! But you’re right that I literally live for her and she often gets all the attention she wants (it’s never "too much" for me!) haha. I’ll try not to give her attention every single time and see if that changes things when we’re away from home! Thanks 😊
Hi,
The explanation is quite simple: it’s a distress call. Your dog is calling out for you to come and get her because she feels lost. The problem is that if she keeps it up until you return, she’s being rewarded for that behaviour—and her reward is you coming back. It’s positive reinforcement; she’ll keep doing it every single time because if it’s worked before, she thinks it’ll work forever. Your job, therefore, is to break this habit. For instance, you could phone your parents a few minutes before you get home and have them take her out for a walk right then. Usually, being taken outside will stop the howling, and that’s the moment you should reappear. While you’re out, your parents should also take her out for a few minutes to distract her before bringing her back in again. And once again, you should show up just as she’s come back and before she starts howling. This can be a long process, especially if she’s been doing this for a while.
I hadn’t thought about reappearing while she’s out on a walk... that’s a great idea! But what about when we go on holiday with her and she has to stay in the flat by herself while we go out for dinner, for example, and there's no one else there? I don’t see how we’d manage that.
Your dog is suffering from hyper-attachment, so it really will be difficult—and I’d even say it's best avoided—when you're on holiday. I imagine your life revolves around your dog and she always gets what she wants, like a fuss whenever she asks for one, etc. You’ll need to do some simple exercises for a bit to help her become less clingy (this doesn’t mean she won’t love you, just that she’ll be able to cope being alone). The first exercise is teaching her how to handle frustration. Once she can manage her frustration, she’ll be better equipped to stay on her own. After that, a few other little exercises will be needed.
The explanation is quite simple: it’s a distress call. Your dog is calling for you to come and get her because she feels lost. The problem is that if she does it until you get back, she is rewarded for her behaviour, and her reward is your return. It’s positive conditioning, and she will keep doing it constantly until you return because if it has worked a few times, she’ll think it will always work. Your role, therefore, is to change this habit. For example, by phoning your parents a few minutes before you get back so that they can take the dog out then. Normally, the act of going out will stop her howling, and that is when you should appear. Your parents should also take her out for a few minutes while you’re away to give her a change of scenery and then bring her back in again. And once again, at that moment, when she has just come back in and isn’t howling yet, you appear. This can be a long process, especially if this behaviour has been going on for a while.
I hadn’t thought about reappearing while she’s out on a walk... that’s a great idea! But for example, when we go on holiday with her and she has to stay in the flat all on her own while we go out for a meal, for instance, and there’s no one else there... I don’t see how we can manage that.
Hi,
The explanation is actually quite simple: it’s a distress call. Your dog is calling out for you to come and get her because she feels lost. The problem is that if she carries on until you get back, she’s being rewarded for that behaviour—and her reward is your return. It’s positive reinforcement; she’ll keep doing it because, in her mind, if it’s worked a few times already, it’ll work every time.
Your job now is to break this habit. For example, you could ring your parents a few minutes before you get home so they can take her outside right then. Normally, being taken out will stop the howling, and that’s exactly when you should appear. Your parents should also try taking her out for a few minutes while you’re away to distract her and then bring her back in. Again, you should reappear just as she’s come back inside and before she starts howling again. It might take a bit of time to fix, especially if she’s been doing this for a while.
