Severe puppy blues since he arrived

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Hi everyone!

I'm new to the forum and, not knowing what to do anymore, I'm turning to you hoping to find some answers.

So, on Saturday morning, my partner and I visited a puppy show and we came home with a 2-month-old fluffball, a Golden Retriever.

After talking to the breeder about our concerns regarding keeping a dog of this breed in a flat, she assured us it wouldn't be an issue at all.

So we bought everything he'd need for his well-being: a fabric crate for the living room with a bed and a big cushion inside, bowls, toys, lead, collar, etc. Basically, the works.

Since Sunday, we've already managed to teach him that he needs to go outside to do his business (we have a tiny private garden). He still has the odd little accident at night, but nothing serious.

He's really struggling with the lead and collar (he sulks and just freezes, but he's slowly starting to get used to it).

But since he arrived, I feel like I've made a massive mistake in adopting him. I don't feel right at all, even though I love animals.

Thoughts like taking him back to the breeder or rehoming him keep crossing my mind, despite myself. And I feel so guilty about it.

Maybe it's because of how much our lives have been turned upside down.

My partner hasn't been back to her driving theory classes yet; she's going to try going for an hour and leaving him alone, but I can already imagine the chaos.

The idea of joining a gym doesn't seem possible anymore either. I feel like we have no time for ourselves.

At night and in the morning, he howls and cries when we leave him in the living room to sleep. I tried giving him a hot water bottle to remind him of the warmth of his littermates, but nothing works.

When I finally go to see him after 15 minutes (at 1 am... the neighbours must be fuming), he’s so happy and rushes to my feet, staying glued to me or following me everywhere if I move.

It breaks my heart to put him back in his crate and tell him to stay, only to hear him crying as soon as the door is shut.

I’d love to take him into bed with us to comfort him, but I know if I give in, his training will be ruined.

I find it hard to be firm with him, to say "no" when he’s being hyper even if he’s being naughty. I feel bad afterwards because, in the end, he just melts my heart.

But I just feel terrible...

This Saturday morning, we're taking him to a puppy training class, hoping to learn a lot.

What should I do? Can you give me some advice, please?

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    • P'titefleur
    P'titefleur Icon representing the flag French
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    He’s crying, fair enough, but in eight to ten days he’ll have stopped. You’ve got to let him cry while you’re asleep... an old T-shirt that smells of you, and a final walk right before bed... and don’t go in to see him, otherwise he’ll soon catch on... and then it’ll be a right nightmare.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Look, I’m definitely going to step up and do right by him; it’s just how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m just really down, I guess. I had a dog when I was a kid at my parents' house. He was with me his entire life. For a bit of background, he was a 13-year-old Yorkie—the "oversized" purebred kind. He had a heart attack while I was out, and my mum called to tell me. I was the one who had to go and pick him up from the garage to put him in his basket and wrap him in his blanket because my mum couldn't bring herself to do it. I must’ve been about 16 or 17. I’m going to see things through with Harper, that’s not the issue. It’s just that I genuinely can't bear hearing him cry and telling myself I shouldn't go to him and so on... It’s literally eating me up inside. I’ve never actually had to deal with training a dog before... To answer Leati, yes, he is KC registered.
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    P'titefleur
    P'titefleur Icon representing the flag French
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    Trust me, those dodgy pet sellers really know how to pull a scam.

    You should have seen that documentary on the telly the other night... it would have sent shivers down your spine.

    If she’s a reputable breeder, she should have a website... go and have a look.

    Do you have the Kennel Club papers for your dog?

    Look, getting a dog takes preparation and careful thought... you do it out of love... especially when it’s a puppy, with plenty of trips outside every day, cleaning up the flat... and almost no sleep at the start, either.

    It’s not an object you just buy and leave in a corner to stay put... it’s a living being that needs a routine.

    Do you know what his life was like before he came to you?

    You've only had him three days and you're already throwing in the towel: your partner is there for the night shifts... so she can start training him.

    I pet sit a few Goldies – they’re just big softies, full of love and very obedient... I really love the breed.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    As for lead walking, my Dogo wouldn't walk and kept 'putting the brakes on' with her front paws. I kept the lead taut (without pulling like a maniac) and after fifteen minutes, she’d got the hang of it.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    It’s a bit of a cop-out, to be honest, to give a dog back just because it’s whining. Adopting a dog is supposed to be a properly thought-out decision. I’ve just rescued a dog to save him from being put down. He pissed everywhere on the first day, he doesn’t listen at all (zero recall, so he just bolts wherever he fancies), and he even tried to have a go at my horses yesterday! On top of that, he’s a total thief—he’s eaten everything in my food cupboard. But I chose him, so I’m sticking by him until he finds a loving family (not an easy task, as he’s an old boy). This is exactly how the RSPCA ends up so overwhelmed.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Regarding the puppy show, it’s a really bad idea. Never get a dog from there, or from a pet shop for that matter. Most of those pups come from puppy farms. It’s hard to find a decent breeder who takes part in those shows; the best way to make sure you’ve found a good breeder is to check if the dog is Kennel Club registered and have a look at their website first. Based on what you’re saying about feeling bad, I think you’re definitely experiencing some regret. As soon as you start thinking about rehoming the puppy, that’s regret. I’ve been through it myself with a dog called BOB. I took him in because his owner was going to put him in a rescue, but he only stayed with me for two hours because I just couldn't do it; there was no chemistry, and he was a very challenging dog. In the end, I gave him to a friend—though obviously, if he hadn't found a family, I would have kept him. But I recognise that sign of regret: you don't feel right, you doubt the "mistake" you’ve just made, and you constantly wonder if giving him back wouldn’t be for the best. And yet, like you, I adore animals—I actually prefer them to humans. I have three female dogs at home and I haven't regretted any of them. With the male, BOB, it was an adoption I didn't particularly want, but I did it to keep him out of a shelter. So, I didn't feel like I had to stand by my choice because it wasn't really a choice; I felt a bit "forced" into it so he wouldn't end up in a rescue. But now that your dog is there, I think you should keep him. I think for a first dog, or at least a first dog in a flat, you should have looked at a smaller breed. That said, a Golden Retriever will be perfectly happy with 2 or 3 hours of walks a day, whether they live in a flat or a house. It’s normal that he’s crying, and he’ll stop soon. He’s a puppy, and you have to realise that puppies always cry at night at first. He’ll learn to be on his own and settle down. You mention not having any time now, but that’s something you really have to think about beforehand... Adoption is a very serious thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. I think you followed your heart rather than your head when you got him. Because yes, a dog takes up time—time you won't have for yourself or your wife anymore. Getting a dog needs to be a very well-thought-out decision. You don't just adopt one on a whim, though perhaps by going to the show you were already planning on getting a dog. For lead training, you can let him wear his collar inside for 15 minutes every two hours (only for short periods, otherwise it’ll leave a mark if left on 24/7). Then, when you go for a walk, clip the lead on but don't hold it. Call your puppy over, and after 10 minutes, if he’s following you, just pick up the lead casually and walk him. That’s how I did it with my three girls, and within a day—even just a few hours—they were walking perfectly on the lead.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Regarding the puppy show, I spent a long time nitpicking with the breeders there, trying to find even a hint of anything dodgy. The breeder we bought him from gave us the whole works. We got our pup’s pedigree right back to his great-great-grandparents, the mother’s scans showing no history of dysplasia in the family, his vaccination record with his latest jabs and worming done, an ID tag with his code, and an advice sheet filled in from top to bottom. She even gave him a cuddle before handing him over to us. She’s also asked for a photo of him when he’s older to add to the family album she keeps. I really think I’ve found someone genuine; otherwise, they’re going to an awful lot of effort for a scam. I’ve thought about the T-shirt trick for the evening, but I’d never heard of Kong toys before. I’ll definitely have a look at them. My worry is that despite all our efforts, he’ll keep crying at night. Since I have to work, it’s just not fair on the neighbours.
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    P'titefleur
    P'titefleur Icon representing the flag French
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    First of all, you should never buy a puppy from a pet show or a fair. You almost certainly didn't see the mum or the dad of your little one, nor the environment where he was being raised.

    There are very few genuine, reputable breeders at those events; the rest are just puppy dealers who source their litters from puppy farms in Eastern Europe.

    Right, now that the little fella is here... you’ve got to step up and make it work.

    Put a T-shirt that smells of you in his bed, along with a ticking clock; the sound will remind him of his mum’s heartbeat.

    Yes, puppy classes are a brilliant idea, and above all, you’ll need loads and loads of patience with the little guy.

    You're doing the right thing by not giving in at night. He only arrived on Saturday morning, it’s only been three days...

    Just imagine how anxious he must be... he doesn't know you... all his familiar smells have gone....

    Yes, you need a lot of patience with a puppy: they have to learn everything from scratch, but it’s one step at a time.

    For now, just let him get used to you, and you get used to him.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    It's completely normal; he’s still a baby and he’s just arrived in a brand-new environment. In the end, it’s pretty much the same as having a newborn. A puppy demands a lot of time, and that time you now have to give him is time that used to be just for the two of you.

    As for the whining, that’s normal too. He was with his siblings before and now he finds himself all alone, which is very unsettling for him. However, you can find things to keep him occupied ;) for example, a Kong works really well; you put some treats inside and he’ll spend his time trying to get them out, forgetting that he’s on his own. You can also leave the radio or the TV on when you aren't there :)

    Regarding the accidents, a puppy can’t hold it in as long as an adult; you need to take him out roughly every four hours.

    The dog training club is an excellent idea. You’ll be able to get advice and your dog will be able to socialise with other dogs and other humans—it’s perfect for his well-being :) he’ll learn things, and so will you.

    And be firm with his training! A dog needs a leader, an owner, and he needs to understand that it’s you! Don’t let those puppy dog eyes get to you, otherwise, you’ll never get anywhere. If you are firm with him and show him that you're the boss, he’ll be much happier and more balanced.

    A dog isn't just a thing you pick up at a show or a pet shop just because it’s cute—you did make a mistake there, honestly. Getting a dog takes preparation. If you’d gone to a breeder, there are two months between the birth and weaning. That’s two months where you have the time to think it over and ask yourself the right questions.

    Now, he’s here, whether you like it or not and whether you regret it or not. You have to take responsibility for your actions.

    You’ll learn an enormous amount at a training club and it will help you and your puppy to live together happily :)

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    My fur baby is crying loads as well... It’s tough, but I’m sticking with it; this is the age when basic training is vital: where he sleeps, where he goes to the toilet... It’s not easy, but you have to be firm without being harsh in situations like this. My pup is a Siberian Husky and I can definitely see the breed's reputation: STUBBORN!

    Hang in there!! Best of luck

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