Severe puppy blues since he arrived

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Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone!

I'm new to the forum and, not knowing what to do anymore, I'm turning to you hoping to find some answers.

So, on Saturday morning, my partner and I visited a puppy show and we came home with a 2-month-old fluffball, a Golden Retriever.

After talking to the breeder about our concerns regarding keeping a dog of this breed in a flat, she assured us it wouldn't be an issue at all.

So we bought everything he'd need for his well-being: a fabric crate for the living room with a bed and a big cushion inside, bowls, toys, lead, collar, etc. Basically, the works.

Since Sunday, we've already managed to teach him that he needs to go outside to do his business (we have a tiny private garden). He still has the odd little accident at night, but nothing serious.

He's really struggling with the lead and collar (he sulks and just freezes, but he's slowly starting to get used to it).

But since he arrived, I feel like I've made a massive mistake in adopting him. I don't feel right at all, even though I love animals.

Thoughts like taking him back to the breeder or rehoming him keep crossing my mind, despite myself. And I feel so guilty about it.

Maybe it's because of how much our lives have been turned upside down.

My partner hasn't been back to her driving theory classes yet; she's going to try going for an hour and leaving him alone, but I can already imagine the chaos.

The idea of joining a gym doesn't seem possible anymore either. I feel like we have no time for ourselves.

At night and in the morning, he howls and cries when we leave him in the living room to sleep. I tried giving him a hot water bottle to remind him of the warmth of his littermates, but nothing works.

When I finally go to see him after 15 minutes (at 1 am... the neighbours must be fuming), he’s so happy and rushes to my feet, staying glued to me or following me everywhere if I move.

It breaks my heart to put him back in his crate and tell him to stay, only to hear him crying as soon as the door is shut.

I’d love to take him into bed with us to comfort him, but I know if I give in, his training will be ruined.

I find it hard to be firm with him, to say "no" when he’s being hyper even if he’s being naughty. I feel bad afterwards because, in the end, he just melts my heart.

But I just feel terrible...

This Saturday morning, we're taking him to a puppy training class, hoping to learn a lot.

What should I do? Can you give me some advice, please?

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    "You didn't say: 'there's no question of us rehoming him, we adopted him so we'll take responsibility for him.'"

    If you look back through the earlier posts, actually, that's exactly what I wrote...

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    P'titefleur
    P'titefleur Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m not trying to lecture you, I’m just telling you how I feel reading your replies.

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion whether you like it or not... it’s a forum where everyone has the right to have their say.

    "If we really do end up cracking, then yes, we’ll choose a family ourselves to make sure of their wellbeing.

    But it’s not on the cards at all right now!"

    That’s the impression I got from reading your reply, even if you were referring to Clémentine.

    You didn’t write: "there’s no question of us parting with them, we adopted them and we’ll step up and take responsibility."

    and I’m not the only one who has told you this.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    It would be nice if people stopped with the snap judgements and the moral lectures. I’m mentioning this because @Clémentine37 brought it up. I’m not complaining about the accidents and the mess—I knew exactly what I was in for. I was just giving an update following the advice some of you gave me. How are you supposed to know if you’re ready for a new arrival until you’re actually in the thick of it? I’ve had a dog before, but it was a family pet with my parents. And the times I had to look after him, he was already over six years old. We don't have children, so for us, this is all new; it’s a real step into the unknown. I’d much rather support people than be preachy... It’s sad to see that some people are great at giving advice about their pooches but can’t manage to show the same kindness to their fellow humans. Unless you have some explanation for telling me that a dog isn't an object? I’m well aware of that, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered coming here to ask for help and support in the first place.
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    P'titefleur
    P'titefleur Icon representing the flag French
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    Weeing and pooing is perfectly normal at that age, what did you expect...

    You’re reaching breaking point after only four days...

    You should do your research and ask questions before getting a dog, so you don't find yourself in over your head...

    "If we really do end up at breaking point, yes, we’ll choose a family ourselves to make sure he’s well looked after. But that’s not on the cards at all right now!"

    If you're even mentioning it, it means you've thought about it... don't forget that a dog is a living creature that senses everything going on around them, not an object you can just mess about with as you please.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    If we really do end up reaching breaking point, then yes, we’ll be the ones to choose a family to make sure he’s well looked after. But that’s not on the cards at all right now! As for last night: 10 minutes of whining at 10:30pm, then crying and howling from 5:40am. The trouble is I have to be up at 6:10am for work, so I can’t exactly ignore him anyway... Plus, I had a lovely surprise this morning: a 'wee party' and a 'poo party' during the night. This was despite taking him for a walk and letting him out several times.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    The more you stress out, the more the little one picks up on it. Don't beat yourself up and try not to sleep with him (easier said than done, I know!). Just keep in mind that if you let him sleep with you now, he’ll still be in your bed when he’s fully grown. My Dogo Argentino weighs about 7 stone (around 99 lbs), and we only have a double bed. She sleeps with us, the Chihuahua sleeps with us, and the cat does too. Sometimes (like yesterday) I just lose it, it drives me crackers. There’s no room at all, and I have to shake out the duvets and sheets every single day. You can still go to the gym or the cinema; I don't see why you should stop having a life just because of a puppy. :) Treat yourself—wait for him to settle in a bit and then get out of the house. If you really feel like you can't cope with raising him, make sure you pick his new family very carefully. You could even use a rehoming agreement (like the ones rescue charities use) to prevent any neglect. I'm actually trying to rehome an older dog at the moment, and he won't be going anywhere without a proper contract.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Thanks everyone for all your advice.

    Tonight we’re going to try a hot water bottle wrapped in a T-shirt in their bed, hoping for a peaceful night.

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    Wolfman
    Wolfman Icon representing the flag French
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    Well yeah, getting a dog definitely turns your routine upside down! You'll have to learn how to live with him, but you’ll find that after a few weeks you'll get used to it. Hang in there!
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    First off, I think the fact that you’ve started this thread to ask for advice shows how much you love the little guy :) Someone who didn’t care would have rehomed him by now! So, it already proves that you want to be a good owner and get things back on track with him :)
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there,

    I won’t repeat everything that’s already been said, other than to tell you to hang in there and maybe go and see your neighbour to explain the situation. It’s better to be proactive rather than letting things escalate.

    As for the dog training club, I’m not sure if you’ve already looked into it, but I don’t think it’s a great idea until he’s had his booster jabs. Usually, you have to provide a copy of the vaccination record (that’s the case at my club, anyway). Just a heads up, as some clubs might even ask for the rabies vaccine.

    Good luck and good night!!!

    ;-))))

    Translated from French

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