Severe puppy blues since he arrived

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Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone!

I'm new to the forum and, not knowing what to do anymore, I'm turning to you hoping to find some answers.

So, on Saturday morning, my partner and I visited a puppy show and we came home with a 2-month-old fluffball, a Golden Retriever.

After talking to the breeder about our concerns regarding keeping a dog of this breed in a flat, she assured us it wouldn't be an issue at all.

So we bought everything he'd need for his well-being: a fabric crate for the living room with a bed and a big cushion inside, bowls, toys, lead, collar, etc. Basically, the works.

Since Sunday, we've already managed to teach him that he needs to go outside to do his business (we have a tiny private garden). He still has the odd little accident at night, but nothing serious.

He's really struggling with the lead and collar (he sulks and just freezes, but he's slowly starting to get used to it).

But since he arrived, I feel like I've made a massive mistake in adopting him. I don't feel right at all, even though I love animals.

Thoughts like taking him back to the breeder or rehoming him keep crossing my mind, despite myself. And I feel so guilty about it.

Maybe it's because of how much our lives have been turned upside down.

My partner hasn't been back to her driving theory classes yet; she's going to try going for an hour and leaving him alone, but I can already imagine the chaos.

The idea of joining a gym doesn't seem possible anymore either. I feel like we have no time for ourselves.

At night and in the morning, he howls and cries when we leave him in the living room to sleep. I tried giving him a hot water bottle to remind him of the warmth of his littermates, but nothing works.

When I finally go to see him after 15 minutes (at 1 am... the neighbours must be fuming), he’s so happy and rushes to my feet, staying glued to me or following me everywhere if I move.

It breaks my heart to put him back in his crate and tell him to stay, only to hear him crying as soon as the door is shut.

I’d love to take him into bed with us to comfort him, but I know if I give in, his training will be ruined.

I find it hard to be firm with him, to say "no" when he’s being hyper even if he’s being naughty. I feel bad afterwards because, in the end, he just melts my heart.

But I just feel terrible...

This Saturday morning, we're taking him to a puppy training class, hoping to learn a lot.

What should I do? Can you give me some advice, please?

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m certainly not going to tar everyone with the same brush, no. As I said, I have full follow-up support, and the breeder we got our puppy from is really keen to keep track of his health and how he’s settling in with his new family. Breeders who are active on the show circuit generally have every incentive to be completely professional about their breeding and training, and to take proper care of their litters. I’m not saying your point is baseless—quite the opposite, it’s clearly well-thought-out—but you’re being a bit too extreme on the subject. Like I told you, I know someone who runs a kennel and does the whole lot: shows, exhibitions, and home-based breeding. And I wouldn’t dream of thinking he’s a bad breeder. Thanks Elisa, but for now I don’t really know where I stand... I’m still struggling to be properly firm and not feel guilty about it.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Talk about an expert at twisting words...

    When a member of the public wants to be COMPLETELY SURE that the little one they’re about to get (for many years to come, I’ll remind you!...) there is ONLY ONE WAY: taking the trouble (yes, you’ve got to get off your backside...) to go and "check" for yourself what kind of environment the little ones as well as the adults are living in.

    Who’s to say your puppy doesn't come from some vile puppy farm?

    NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

    And it's the duty of those in the know (which you clearly aren't, but that's not the point; what’s serious is stubbornly burying your head in the sand) to let people know what actually goes on in some of these breeding setups.

    You see, personally, as a breeder, I would "ONLY" ever agree to take a kitten from a show if I knew the breeder inside out.

    Otherwise, even if I totally fall for a kitten, I would NEVER buy one at a show.

    I’d have two options then: either travel there myself, even if it meant driving 300 miles, and if it really was too far, I would KNOW to walk away from that kitten because I’ve seen far too much of the damage caused by a rubbish breeder!...........

    If I'm not offering advice, it’s because I’m leaving it to those who know more about puppy training; however, when it comes to cat or dog breeding, yes, a hundred times yes, I stand firmly by what I’m saying.

    I’m not blaming you, but I can say for sure that you were wrong to buy a puppy under those conditions.

    Now you know, so it’s up to you to spread the word and, above all, don’t do it again.

    Translated from French
    Elisa_journalistewamiz
    Elisa_journalistewamiz Icon representing the flag French
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    Regarding how you're feeling, I went through exactly the same thing when I first got my dog. After dreaming of having a dog since I was a young child, when the day finally arrived, funnily enough, I was far from euphoric. Faced with the initial challenges, I quickly fell into a sort of "puppy blues". I was also tempted to rehome her when I heard her crying and whining all day long, when she followed me everywhere non-stop and I didn't have a second's peace (even in the shower!), and when I realised I'd have to give up certain time-consuming plans to focus more on her training... I also stopped my driving theory lessons, cut down massively on seeing friends, and planned my entire day around my dog's toilet breaks... No, it wasn't easy. I’d even say the first six months were particularly tough; I didn't stop crying and I couldn't even bring myself to love this dog I’d wanted so badly.

    But once I got past that six-month hurdle, when she started to settle down and the basic rules were established (I took training classes with two different trainers), a real bond naturally developed. It comes with time, really. Obviously, it's a massive life upheaval, but it's like having a child. You can't just take a child back somewhere when you feel overwhelmed, and it's the same with a dog—you just have to crack on with it. My advice for the training is to be very firm. I know it's not easy and we’re often tempted by so-called "positive reinforcement" (treats and so on), but with some dogs (like mine), it just doesn't work. So you have to establish a firm "no", show that you're not happy (even if you have to exaggerate your tone, but without shouting) when needed, and above all, don't go back in to see them during the night!

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Well Dellys, I’d certainly love to win the lottery! Joking aside though. Thanks to you, I now know that my little Harper was mistreated and that he wasn't raised in a healthy environment—all because of a very dodgy breeder... You’ve got to know how to filter information. That’s the problem with far too many people these days. The first hurdle is our own level of gullibility and reasoning. You shouldn't confuse ignorance with personal experience... Especially since, for the time being, you aren't helping at all—aside from taking a bit of a preachy tone in your comments. And it’s a bit rich coming from someone who prides themselves on the well-being of our little ones.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Kel-Morian, I’m talking about those breeders who let their young ones go to just anyone at shows or exhibitions..............

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Dellys, I’ll have a word with my friends in Pomponne to let them know that they get absolutely no consideration from ‘serious’ breeders, despite 20 years of hard graft themselves.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    "If we start listening to the media and making generalisations, you can just imagine the climate of fear across the world..."

    That’s exactly the point, we’re talking about things you don't know anything about, it’s blindingly obvious!.......

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Kel-Morian, you’re saying: "There were breeders from all over the country. Puppy fairs don’t happen every weekend in every area. Sometimes it can be a real hassle, or even impossible, to travel to see them or have people visit the premises." When you get a pet, you’re taking them on for about 15 years, so you need to be motivated enough to travel a long way—even to the other side of the country. I’d much rather get a pup from a reputable breeder 300 miles away and have 15 years of happiness, than go to a breeder just round the corner or at a show and end up with all the trouble in the world. And when you really want to make it work, nothing is impossible.
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    That’s why I mentioned koala skin shoes and flip-flops... If we start listening to the media and over-generalising everything, I'm telling you, the climate of fear would be unreal... There are still people today who actually believe the Chernobyl cloud stopped right at the border...
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Kel-Morian, I’m speaking from experience here as I’ve been a breeder for over 20 years.

    Any breeder who sells their litters at shows or exhibitions doesn’t have my respect, and that’s a view shared by all reputable breeders.

    A reputable breeder makes it a point of honour to ensure that all prospective owners see the environment where the little ones have been raised since birth.

    Translated from French

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