I’ve got a little Golden Retriever puppy who is 3 months old. She is absolutely adorable, playful, and cuddly, but since she arrived, things haven't been as easy as I expected and I’m constantly stressed...
Everyone else loves her and I do too, but it's really tough going—it’s so much work and, above all, very stressful. Especially house training (she had free access to the outdoors at the breeder's), so I have to make sure to take her out every 2 hours and clean up any accidents in the house. On top of that, I’ve had my cat for 6 years and naturally I’m spending less time with her, which I really miss. They’re getting on okay for now, even if the puppy jumps on her from time to time; I try to make sure she stays calm around the cat.
Basically, since she’s been here, I’ve had a constant knot in my stomach and I’ve lost my appetite. I’m so worried about doing things wrong and I’ve realised just how hard it is to look after a puppy.
This wasn't an impulse buy at all. I love animals and whenever I saw dogs, I couldn't help dreaming of the day I'd have my own. I waited a year before getting her and I knew it would be hard work—some close friends went through the same thing 6 months ago! But at the moment, I feel like I’m looking after her without really loving her... and that makes me so sad. Then again, I remember when I got my cat, it felt the same; I didn't love her straight away, it took a bit of time, and today I love her to bits!
Anyway, I just hope I won't be judged. It just feels good to talk about it, to feel less alone and, most importantly, to be reassured.
Thanks, and if you have any advice, I’m all ears.
Translated from French
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It’s really lovely to hear from you. So, this is it – the real adventure begins! Now that you know each other better and have had a chance to take a step back and put things into perspective... it's just brilliant. There are going to be more and more wonderful moments ahead, and you’ll be able to fully enjoy the pure happiness of being a dog owner. Wishing you a long and happy journey together!!
Today, I’ve found the joy of having a dog again, and I’m loving her more and more. My main advice would be to take some time for yourself: go out, see friends, go to the cinema or a restaurant, whatever. Don’t hesitate to talk about it; don’t be ashamed and don’t let yourself be judged by people saying you’re a horrible person. I was surprised to see how many people get the puppy blues—it's really not that rare! You need to do fun things with your dog. Personally, I signed mine up for a training club and we had a blast! Even though she didn’t listen to a word I said for the whole class! It was great to chat with other new owners and see my girl playing with the other dogs!
Mind you, there were still moments where I slipped back into thinking I didn't want her anymore, especially when she had an accident in the house even though she’d been out five minutes before... There were days when I just didn't want to see that bloody dog; my house stank of wee and poo. These are tough moments to get through, and I’ll admit I wasn't really aware of how hard it would be!
As we’ve said before, people who get the puppy blues are often (like me) people who’ve overthought things, waited for ages, and dreamed about everything they’d do with their dog—and then reality hits, and nothing goes to plan!
Anyway, that's my story if it helps! Best of luck with your pups; it’s hard sometimes, but it’s still such a joy!
I’m checking in with an update following my post from two months ago, to help anyone who might be going through the same thing. This low period is known as the "puppy blues" and it’s much more common than people think—you shouldn't feel ashamed of it at all!
For me, it lasted a week, but I know for others it can go on much longer. Even my friends (who have dogs too) didn't really understand me; I kept telling them I’d made a mistake and that I wanted to rehome her so she’d be happier and I would be too.
To be honest, I’ve never been in such a state. I’ve never suffered from depression in my life, so it was a real shock to the system. I was crying every day and had no appetite (I lost about 4 and a half pounds in a week). I was wearing myself out looking after her, getting up at 3 am to take her out so she wouldn't have an accident in the house, and if she did, I’d panic and my mood would sink even lower.
I think things turned around for me when the weekend arrived. My boyfriend works very late during the week, but once the weekend came, he took over with the pup a bit more. He also looked after me; he forced me to go out (I hadn't left the house once during the first week) and it did me the world of good. We went out for four hours in the afternoon, had dinner with the family, came home to take her out, and then went to the cinema in the evening! I was exhausted and finally managed to get some proper sleep and catch up on my rest.
Most importantly, I realised that my dog hadn't been miserable while I was away. She hadn't got into any mischief, she just slept. There was one little toilet accident in the house, but that’s to be expected since we were out for a long time!
Since then, I’ve relaxed. Before, I was anxious about every single accident in the house and I was putting way too much pressure on her to be house-trained, to walk perfectly on the lead, etc... (post was too long)
You’d expect them to be calm, but not at all! I think I’m doing alright as she’s becoming more settled and manageable, but I’ve got a real case of the puppy blues...
I’m feeling so anxious. I’m overthinking everything for no reason even though things are actually going quite well. Anyway, I know it’ll pass... :)
So glad to see I’m not the only one feeling this way...
I’ve read through all your posts and it’s really brought back memories for me :-)
For a while, I felt completely overwhelmed with my puppy too.
You only need to do a quick search for "puppy blues" to see just how common it is, and it’s funny because you notice the same patterns among everyone affected: we’ve waited a long time, we’ve overthought every little detail, we’ve set the bar really high and then, when the puppy arrives, we start pouring all our time and energy into them... It’s a bit of a perfectionist thing, really. And yes, it does pass quite quickly!
Hi Cindouy,
When she’s an adult, or even a little old lady, you’ll probably laugh about all her puppy antics :D When I think back to my own boy who I lost at 18, I smile at all the mischief and destruction he caused when he was a youngster. He once stripped the inside of a car lol—the roof lining and sun visors were completely gone.
Hang in there and stay patient; before long she’ll be a brilliant girl and you won’t be able to imagine life without her ;)
I'd just like to add one little thing. When you’ve been wanting a dog for months or even years, you tend to romanticise what life together will be like... You see everyone else out with their pooches and imagine it’ll be exactly the same for you, without realising that those very same people have struggled, or are perhaps still struggling! Anyway, don’t put too much pressure on yourself... Get out and about, take your girl with you to town, to the park, and so on...
But hang in there! It’ll get better! Well, maybe not straight away – you’ve still got the teenage phase to get through – but in a year or two, things should be much easier! XD
Oh, that is so true! Seeing people out walking their dogs makes you so jealous; you just don't imagine all the training it took, the time involved, and all the mischief they got up to!
But hang in there! It’ll get better! Well... maybe not straight away, you’ve still got the "teenage" phase to deal with, but in a year or two things should be much better! XD
@SolenneB, you remind me of my gran (er... no offence intended! ^^) who said to my aunt—who was having a complete meltdown after my uncle adopted a puppy without mentioning it first (it was a last-minute rescue): "Oh, don't you worry, the accidents and the chewing will be a thing of the past in 6 or 8 months"... You should have seen my aunt’s face, I thought she was going to faint
😁
@Cindouy: no one is ever really immune to that phase. My other half and I, even though we’re old hands with cats, also went through a bit of a low patch when we got our two kittens. Between the fact that we couldn’t get near them because they were so skittish and the way they’d be tearing around every night between 4 and 6 am, we had some really tough moments. I also kept telling myself it wasn’t normal that I wasn’t bonding with them... But then, bit by bit, the interactions grow, the animal matures, their personality starts to shine through, you start to understand and get to know each other, and the relationship really takes root. Personally, I find it even stronger because it’s something that develops over time.
