I'm feeling so guilty about having my dog put down

I had to have my beloved dog Buddy put to sleep; he was 17 and had so many issues due to old age, terrible arthritis and a cancerous kidney tumour that had been removed, and sometimes his nose would bleed a bit. It’s been a week now and I’ve been crying day and night, I feel like I’m never going to get over it because I loved him so much. I truly understand what other owners are going through, the pain is just unbearable!!! Personally, I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m taking sedatives and I’m lost, totally lost since he’s been gone. Sending my best to you all and wishing you so much strength.

Hi there, About two and a half months went by between my first dog passing away and the second one arriving home. We weren't planning on getting another one because losing him was so heartbreaking and we didn't want to go through that pain all over again. Then, by pure chance, we came across a ten-week-old puppy of the same breed... We couldn't resist and brought him home. He hasn’t replaced our first dog in our hearts, but he’s managed to carve out his own space because he has such a different personality. There’s no "rule" to it; everyone just does what feels right for them ;-)

I went through the exact same thing. I had to have my first dog put to sleep when she was 6, and I started looking for another dog just a few days later, simply because I found it so hard coming home to an empty house without my little four-legged companion there. After about a month, I found a little dog at a rescue centre who was a great match for me and my lifestyle; she was 18 months old then and she’s going to be 16 this December. At the rescue, there was a wire-haired dachshund just like my old one, and I chose not to take her because I didn't want to keep comparing her to the one I’d lost. I saw a lady and her daughter were interested in her at the same time as me, so I left them to it at the kennel. Shortly after adopting my new dog, a Chihuahua cross, I did feel a lot of guilt, telling myself I’d replaced her too quickly. On top of that, every time I said “my dog” or thought about her, it was the image of my little dachshund that came to mind. Then I’d look at the little mite in front of me who needed so much love. I told myself that she was the one who mattered now because she needed me, and I’d taken on the responsibility of adopting her, so I had to do everything I could for her. Things eventually settled in my mind and my heart. Then, after a while, when I thought about “my dog”, it was the new one’s face that popped into my head. I’ve never forgotten my first dog; I’ve kept all her photos, and every time I took my new dog, Stella, for a walk in the places where I used to walk Opale, I’d think of Opale.

Hi there, I’ve just come across your post and it’s brought tears to my eyes... 7 months ago, we had to have our female German Shepherd put to sleep, also following spleen cancer... we’d been back and forth to the vet, hoping to keep her with us just a bit longer, but one Tuesday morning she’d gone off to lie down in the dark by herself, she couldn't move, and we knew just by looking at her that there was nothing more we could do and it was better to let her go so she wouldn't suffer anymore... when we got to the vet, there really was nothing they could do, her organs were full of blood, her jowls were white... basically, it was the end. My mum and I stayed with her right until the end; it’s true that those moments are far from easy, I’m still crying about it today. After giving her the injection, the vet left the room to take a phone call, forgetting to mention that she might start convulsing, and sadly that’s exactly what happened. We didn’t want to see her suffer, and seeing her suddenly convulse after he gave her the injection, without us expecting it, is something we’ll never forget. We’ll never forget her; it was an incredibly painful moment, of course, but we didn’t want her to think we’d abandoned her. Getting another pet doesn't mean you're abandoning her, and she knows that. You stayed with her until the very end, you did what was best for her, and you have to try to accept that. All the best to you, and I wish you lots of happiness with your new dog! Everything will be fine, just take things at your own pace. I know that feeling of guilt all too well, but it’ll fade with time; you’ll realise that you made the right choice, the one you had to make – it was necessary.

Unlike you, I actually felt guilty because I wasn't able to have my dog Ayrton put to sleep. He died in my arms and he suffered in his final moments. I wish I could have spared him that and let him pass away peacefully. You shouldn't feel guilty for being able to save your girl from suffering. It’s always a difficult decision to make, but when a pet is in pain with no hope of recovery, it’s the kindest thing you can do for them. Some people need time before getting another pet, while others feel the need to get one straight away. It's a very personal thing; everyone reacts differently based on how they feel. And taking your time doesn't stop you from comparing the new one to the old one. I waited several years before getting another dog after losing Ayrton, and yet I still found myself comparing Odin to Ayrton. I wasn't expecting to find my old dog again, but I just couldn't help it. Ayrton was so special. Odin is the complete opposite; he’s calm, very (too!) well-behaved, doesn't get into any mischief, and so on... He’s almost too perfect, lol. If it feels like the right time for you to welcome a new puppy, then go for it. And make him just as happy as Looping was with you.

Hi Myra, Just like you, I was in tears writing my reply to Ltnn and reading your post about your Paco. It’s a beautiful response you wrote for Ltnn. The love we have to give isn't a limited thing; it's not as if what we give to one has to be taken away from another. Stay strong! Love,

Hi Ltnn, At my age, I’ve lost several pets and it’s heartbreaking every single time. My most recent one was a Lab cross we adopted from a rescue; we had him for 11 years. In the end, it turned out he had an inoperable adrenal gland tumour. I managed to keep him going for another 7 months, but I had to have him put to sleep in April 2017. There was no reason to feel guilty; it was the only thing to do out of love for him, just as you did, and I know exactly how hard it is. Six months later, my husband and I went to get our Pepsi from a local rescue. If I’d been on my own, I might have gone sooner, but honestly, I don’t know. Some people need time, while others prefer to get another pet straight away. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about the grieving process, either. If you feel ready, you should just do what feels right for you. Getting a puppy in two or three months doesn’t mean you’re betraying her or failing to honour the memory of the one you loved so much. She’ll always stay in your heart, just as my Paco has stayed in mine and the others before him (in fact, even as I’m writing this to you, I can’t help tearing up thinking about him, but that doesn’t take away from the love I give to the new one). As others have said before me, the love we have to give isn't a finite thing—it’s not as if giving love to one means you have to take it away from another. Hang in there!

Good evening, I am so sorry for your loss, it is such a hard thing to go through! I had almost the same uncertainty... about the question of getting another girl... After losing my wonderful Volka, I fell into a major depression, the first of my life. Losing my Vovo was a tragedy that broke me. I think I would have spiralled even further into despair – it was horrible. I have a daughter and a husband who had to deal with my tears, my breakdown, my despair! And my aggression, because I couldn't accept that they weren't feeling the same level of grief... There was a moment where I just wanted to run away from my family and my house because she wasn't there... it was a void I couldn't bear anymore... being in this house without her! Volka died at home. After she’d been suffering through a Saturday night, I didn't think she was going to leave us, and by the time I realised, it was too late to try the out-of-hours vet. I supported her as best I could, and my guilt since then has been enormous... I let my lovely Vovo suffer. I should have taken her that night and found a vet to help her, so she could have had a more peaceful passing. My husband wasn't keen on getting another dog, especially after seeing such a tragedy... I insisted and started looking for another girl, and we got another Labrador. He gave in because he saw it was giving me something else to focus on... We have this "new" little one now, and at first, her personality really worried me. I thought I’d find a bit of Volka’s sweetness again – same breed, another female – but not at all, she’s the total opposite... There were days where I really regretted it, Oxane, my "Labrador raptor"... She got everything wrong! She used to bite! My husband wanted to take her back to the breeder. It put a real strain on our marriage... there were so many arguments... I stuck with it (deep down I felt guilty, but I would never have actually taken her back). There are mornings where I look at her and think that Volka was one of a kind! But finally, I’m starting to understand her and see her good qualities ^^. She’s changing every day, getting better... she keeps my mind busy!! Our training is starting to head in the right direction... Volka is still here, in my heart, and I’m making more room in there for Oxane... and I hope to make her as happy as our Volka was during all those years with us. Gosh, I’ve written a bit of a wall of text... oops, sorry... What Aggie 19 said is really how you should look at it. You were able to make a beautiful act of love for your sick dog, a choice that's denied to terminal humans who are suffering... Stay strong! And if your future includes a lovely puppy, it will mean one more happy dog in a world where there are so many miserable ones...

I’d say that if you feel ready to get another dog, you should just go for it. It’s important not to be on your own for too long, otherwise you risk falling into a depression or constantly feeling guilty... if it's what you want, get a new dog (we all know they’ll never replace the one you’ve lost), it’ll do you the world of good 🙂

The guilt (about ‘replacing’ them) is likely down to an inability to be alone, which is why I think it’s so important to take your time, grieve properly, and learn to live on your own before taking on another living being, no matter what it is.