My dog is terrified of children

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To be honest, everything you've said suggests that you’re forgiving yourself for the very thing you won't forgive your dog for. That’s what bothers me more than the fact you smacked him out of fear. I don't really understand this double standard in how you treat or view him.

But the worst part is probably that you think it’s for his own good. How can anyone think such a thing?

You say you know your reaction wasn’t the right one, yet you’d smack him again if he did it again. I’m struggling to wrap my head around that as well.

I realise it’s far from easy to stay calm when faced with aggressive behaviour, whether it's from a dog or a human. I have to admit, seeing a dog get hit a few years ago, I found it incredibly hard to control myself. It was only when I saw my own dog at the time getting more and more aggressive towards that person that I realised my anger was becoming contagious and was only making matters worse. That’s what stopped me.

Isaac Asimov, the famous sci-fi author, wrote that "violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." It’s easy to say, of course, but that doesn't make the quote any less relevant, and it’s something every dog owner (and everyone else!) should keep firmly in mind. Myself included.

As for the rest, it’s a good thing your dog didn't take things further. It was likely what we call in the trade "distance-increasing aggression". However, it is quite strange that he didn't give any prior warning, even through calming signals.

Otherwise, exposing your dog to children is a very good idea (without forcing contact, obviously). If he is indeed afraid of them, it’ll be a good way to start his desensitisation. On the other hand, if children start running around everywhere during the group walk, darting back and forth, screaming and so on, then habituation probably won't be possible.

When working on desensitisation and habituation, the trigger needs to be as consistent as possible in its intensity—whether that’s in terms of distance, volume, or size.

The lower the intensity of the fear-triggering stimulus, the faster the emotional response will decrease. Conversely, the higher the intensity of the trigger, the slower the progress will be.

The frequency of exposure to a trigger also affects how quickly and effectively a dog habituates. At the same intensity level, the more frequently the trigger appears, the more the dog's emotional reaction will lessen.

Anyway, professional help is clearly required for this kind of behavioural therapy.

Hi there,

If I’ve understood correctly, your dog showed aggressive behaviour (I’ll come back to this later) towards a child, seemingly out of fear, and because you were also scared, you hit him.

I suppose we could sum it up by saying that fear, for both humans and dogs, often makes us do stupid things. And just because you found your dog's actions unacceptable, it doesn't mean your decision to hit him for it isn't also unacceptable.

Now, if you’re telling me that your dog was violently biting the child and wouldn’t let go, and giving him a clout was the only thing that made him stop, then you were probably right to do it. Even if I don't agree with that method, an emergency situation sometimes requires an immediate and deterrent response.

In fact, we really need to know exactly what happened during the incident. Did your dog show any calming signals towards the child? Did he growl first, bare his teeth, bark, or take a defensive stance before biting? Regarding the bite itself, was it a nip, or did the dog actually lunge at the child to truly attack him?

Were the dog and the child being supervised by an adult at the time?

Regarding his fear of children, we’d need to see if desensitisation or habituation is possible. It would also be worth looking at whether your own knowledge of dogs allows you to spot the warning signs of potential aggression. If that isn't the case, you’ll need to work on that with the help of a professional.

The priority is knowing what to do to ensure he doesn't bite again. Secondly, we need to figure out what you should do if there’s another attack.

I’d advise you to call in a dog behaviourist to support you. If you aren't sure how to find or choose one, don’t hesitate to let us know. :)

Thanks for your message.

Regarding the fact that I hit him, I think anyone would have done the same. I was really scared and I wasn't about to just let it slide!

I definitely felt guilty, of course, because I love my dog and I’d never laid a hand on him before. But in the heat of the moment, it was just a knee-jerk reaction!

I’ll take your advice on board, thanks.

First of all, even if you find it unacceptable, unforgivable or whatever, giving him a smack will just make him more "traumatised" by children*, so the behaviour will only get worse.

I’m only 14 but I know exactly what this is like! Jeep, my Border Collie cross who’s nearly 2, has been (and still is a bit) scared of children. As a defence, he barks, jumps up, or chases them**. What I did following some advice (I do a lot of his training myself) was simply go for walks with a child, keeping them on the opposite side to the dog. At the start, if you’re really worried, you could use a muzzle, though I don't necessarily think it's the best way. Then, ask the child to hold the lead (muzzled or not) while keeping a bit of a distance***. Eventually, the two of them will be walking together (with you there, obviously, but keeping more or less away). Gradually, you can take the muzzle off and the child can give him a treat, and if possible, let the dog off the lead in a field. At first, the child stays near you, then they can start throwing a stick or toy for him.

PLEASE NOTE: Regardless of the method used, treats are highly recommended!

* : Because he’ll think: "Whenever I see a child, I get a smack or a telling off!"

** : He’s never actually tried to bite them, though.

*** : An owner’s presence can sometimes hinder a dog or puppy’s training!