My dog is driving me absolutely mad!

S
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I’m at my wits' end, honestly. Why? Because I fell for a cute little dog three years ago who has put me through the wringer ever since. I’m starting to wonder why I have to put up with all of this. I’m going crazy. 1. He’s constantly under our feet, watching every move we make. 2. When he’s left alone, he messes (pees and poos) even though he’s literally just been out. He scratches and ruins the door, he barks, he scratches and ruins the sofa... and that’s not all! No, he smears his poo everywhere. 3. Outside, he pulls on the lead and howls whenever he sees another dog, and if I let him off, it's impossible to catch him; the little rascal just bolts off with other dogs or other people. 4. If we’re eating something and don't give him some straight away, he goes and pees in our bed. 5. If we make the mistake of having him on the bed for a cuddle before sleep, as soon as we put him back in his basket, he waits until we’ve gone to bed to pee or poo, sometimes for no reason at all. 7. On several occasions, he has peed right where I was sitting! He does it with friends too—he'll pee right next to their feet! I know people say "a dog needs to go out, blah blah blah"... I agree! But the trouble is, when I adopted him, I wasn't working and I was only 19; I didn't think it through. Because I’m someone who respects animals, I didn't just dump him at a rescue at the first opportunity. Now, I’m a student and I work as well. I get home in the evening, I’m absolutely knackered, and I find a total mess and crap everywhere. I spend two hours cleaning up EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!! And in the morning, if I don't watch where I step... I’ve tried every forum, website and TV show, but nothing works. I do everything I can to make sure he’s happy! I walk him, I replace his bed often, I take him to the park whenever I can; we even rented a flat with a terrace just to make up for the fact that I have less time because of work. What more can I do? I go to bed, then get up for a drink and find a total disaster! He was out on the terrace barely an hour ago! What the hell is his problem? I haven't got the budget for a behaviourist and I’m just exhausted. I don’t want to give up on my dog, but at the same time, he’s making my life a misery.
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    • S
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    "I'd say at first glance that his problem is your current lack of availability" – I have to disagree; to me, this looks like hyper-attachment and separation anxiety. Your situation is complex and won't be solved by just one thing. You need to look at your overall approach. You must work on detachment and teach your dog how to cope without you. Above all, use positive reinforcement. Honestly, go and see a behaviourist who specialises in positive training methods. Have a look at this method: https://forum.a-l-ecoute-du-chien.org/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=210 Thanks for your reply.
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    S
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    PLEASE PAY ATTENTION – your pup is ringing the alarm bells! All these bad behaviours are a cry for help. You love your dog, so I know this is tough for you, but a dog just can't be shut away all day without anything to do. As others have said in previous posts, a dog needs to burn off energy both physically and mentally. They have needs and instincts that are vital for their well-being. If we don't respect those needs and the dog itself, we pay the price. Above all, please don't tell him off; he won't understand, as all these behaviours are just his way of getting your attention – it seems to be the only way he's found!

    What’s your exact schedule? Is there anyone nearby who could help out, even just for a few hours a week? Do you live in a flat or a house? You mentioned you can't afford to hire a professional, which I totally understand. However, if you really don't have the time to work with him and dedicate some time to your dog, any advice a pro gives won't have any real long-term impact unless you take the time to put it into practice! Be careful with coercive methods, too – they could make things worse and damage the bond you have with your pup. The situation is becoming unbearable for both of you now, so personally, I think you only have two choices: either you start making some time for him, which will be demanding... Take some time to think about whether you really want to keep your pooch and put in the work. I might be able to help you for free, as I need to find case studies to practice on. I currently need three dogs with training issues for my coursework, so if you have a few minutes, I can send you a short questionnaire by email and see if your case fits. I’m still in training, so obviously it’s free of charge and without any guarantee of results! lol

    Best, Joane

    Hi, first of all, thanks for your reply. Yes, I absolutely want to keep my dog – in fact, I’m taking him away for a two-week holiday in the sun to get us back on the right track... I work part-time and so does my partner, so I’d estimate he’s left alone for less than 5 hours a day on average, 4 days a week. I don’t scold him anymore because I’ve seen it doesn't solve anything, but I do sometimes end up in tears lol if I’m too tired. Yes, I’m happy with your suggestion; I’ll send you my email address via PM.

    Thanks

    Best regards

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    S
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    This situation is entirely of your own making. And yes, a dog needs training; you have to put the work in, it costs money, and you actually have to take them out for walks. It stands to reason that without those things, they’re going to act out like this. Given the circumstances, you really need to see a dog behaviourist so they can teach you how to communicate with, understand, and respect your dog's needs. Once you do that, everything should fall into place. If you can’t afford the costs, it would be better to hand them over to a rescue centre who will know how to care for them properly and find them a good home... It’s difficult to give much more advice because you’re essentially starting from scratch, and you’re going to need professional help if you want to keep this dog. Thanks :)
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    S
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    Titain: he was raised like a baby :( Vero78280: regarding the separation anxiety, I've tried chew bones and toys with treats inside... he won't even touch them. That’s already part of the problem because, without necessarily turning him into a circus dog, he needs at least some basic training. This should be kept up with regular practice of his commands so he doesn't forget them, and he’s going to need a lot more activity too. Vero’s suggestions for tiring him out are great ideas, especially as he’s fully grown now. However, regarding the Easy-walk harness that was suggested, if he’s anything like my dog, he’ll quickly work out how to slip out of it to do as he pleases; a proper multi-use harness seems more practical for everyday use. In short, he needs more company and more outings so he can explore and let off some steam. Since you seem to be struggling, I’d suggest some training sessions with a professional (Coahoma’s sister is one, and she did a great job with a dog I saw, though she’s based quite a distance away, so it’s up to you if the travel would be an issue). Given the situation you’re in, these sessions are necessary even if they do cost a bit, because you’re at your wits’ end too. Thank you so much, I’m going to try all of that. Plus, I’m taking him on holiday in a month, so we’ll have plenty of trips to the beach and the woods planned... I’ll see if his behaviour changes.
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    S
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    To stop him pulling so much, get him an "Easy Walk" harness. Have a look online, the results are amazing :)

    His behaviour suggests he's lacking exercise, walks, and training... the fact that he's having accidents everywhere shows he's anxious when you're not there, and when he does it in front of you, it's either to get your attention or because he hasn't quite grasped that he needs to go outside... at night, have him sleep in a closed room, like the kitchen, so if he makes a mess, it's limited to one room. You need to take him out for at least an hour a day to see a real difference in his behaviour....

    Thanks for your reply, I'm going to buy the harness.

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    Kikaah
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    Drey333, personally, I don’t agree with you when you say you don’t agree (a bit hard to keep up with that! ^^). She said, "we rented a flat with a terrace just to make up for me having less time because of work," so logically, there’s a lack of availability. Add to that the hyper-attachment (I’m with you on that one ^^) and some poor training at the start, plus the fact Sunshiiine was always around back then because she wasn't working... My advice would be to go back to basics. Forget how old the dog is; act as if you’ve only just got him and start his training again from scratch. Take him out as often as possible, and give him loads of praise when he does his business outside (really make a massive deal of it, as it’ll encourage him to keep going outside). However, there’s no point in telling him off when you get home. Teach him not to get on the bed and do some exercises (sit, down, stay, paw...). Even if he already knows these commands, dogs always love interacting with their owners, and you could even teach him some new tricks...
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    I’d have to disagree with the idea that the problem is just down to your current lack of availability. To me, it sounds like over-attachment and separation anxiety. It’s a complex issue and there isn’t going to be a "quick fix"; you need to look at the bigger picture and your overall approach. You need to work on "detachment" and teaching your dog how to cope without you. Above all, make sure you're using positive reinforcement. Honestly, your best bet is to see a pet behaviourist who specialises in positive training. Take a look at this method: https://forum.a-l-ecoute-du-chien.org/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=210
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    Hi there,

    HEADS UP, your pooch is ringing alarm bells! All this bad behaviour is a cry for help. I know you love your dog, so it’s hard for you, I get that, but a dog can’t stay cooped up all day without anything to do. Like others have said, a dog needs both physical and mental stimulation; they have needs and instincts that are vital for their well-being. If those needs aren't met and the dog isn't respected, you end up paying the price. But please don’t scold him, as he won’t understand—all these behaviours are just his way of getting your attention, and it seems to be the only way he’s found!!!!

    What is your daily schedule exactly? Is there anyone you know who could help out, even for a few hours a week? Do you live in a flat or a house? You mentioned not having the money for a pro, which I can understand, but anyway, if you don't have the time to put the work in and spend some time with your dog, any advice a pro gives you won't actually work long-term unless you take the time to apply it! Be careful with coercive methods as well, as they could make things worse and ruin the bond you have with your pup. The situation is becoming unbearable for both of you now, so personally, I think you only have two choices: either you find some time for him, which will mean a bit of a lifestyle change (but spending an hour or two with him instead of cleaning the house is better, isn't it? lol)—you'd need to be ready to really commit though. Or, the second choice: rehome him with a family who has more time to look after him. I know that can be extremely difficult, but if your dog is happy, he won't hold it against you, don't worry! I’m currently training to be a canine behaviourist.

    A canine behaviourist is a multi-disciplinary consultant who advises, guides, and supports dogs and humans in their relationship, to (re)create a harmonious life at home. Different from other dog-related jobs, a behaviourist follows a philosophy that never separates behaviour from training, while always respecting both the animal and the owners. Take some time to think about whether you want to keep your pooch and put the effort in. I might be able to help you for free, as I need to find cases to practice on. That said, I currently need three cases involving training issues, but I can see if your case fits into my practical assessment. So, if you have a few minutes to spare, I can send you a quick questionnaire by email and maybe help you out from there! Since I'm still in training, it is obviously free of charge and without any guaranteed results! lol

    Best regards, Joane

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    You are entirely responsible for this situation. The fact is, a dog needs training and looking after; they cost money and, on top of that, they need walking. It’s hardly surprising he’s reacting this way if those basics aren't being met. Given the circumstances, you should really see a dog behaviourist so they can teach you how to communicate with your dog and how to understand and respect his needs; then, everything should work out. If you can't afford to do that, you’d be better off handing him over to a rescue centre that will look after him properly and find him a good home...

    It’s going to be difficult to advise you further because you essentially need to start from scratch, and you’re going to need professional help if you want to keep this dog.

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    Titain
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    PS: I only mentioned Coahoma's sister as an example and because I've seen the results on a breed that's quite sensitive to the method used, not as a direct plug.
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