I’m coming here for some help. I got a young puppy, nearly 3 months old, 11 days ago.
I’d done as much research as possible, I’d spoken with dog trainers and we were ready for the adventure. I pictured his arrival as such a happy time for everyone, but things aren’t going well at all right now. I end up in tears every night.
My husband and I both work, and my son, who’s nearly 6, is at school. The breeder assured me that the dog was fine being left alone. Since he arrived, he howls the moment we leave. I went to work with a knot in my stomach for two days, then we bought a camera to reassure ourselves... to see if he was okay after we left... but it’s done more harm than good because he really isn't, and I haven't slept since. I’m so upset. So, that’s problem number one. Problem number two is that even though I was prepared for walks, toilet training and food, I’m forced to admit that I just don’t have the time needed to look after him properly. He’s here now and I feel like I have no choice, but basically, with our lives and our schedules, I’m constantly late for work. When I get home, I have to clean everything up before I can even see to him, and since he’s been alone all day, I focus on him the second I’ve finished cleaning. As a result, my son has been sidelined for the last 10 days... homework is done late, bedtime is pushed back and we’ve forgotten all about bedtime stories. I don't even eat at the table anymore because I’m constantly intervening; he eats everything he finds. Because our house is completely open-plan, we struggle to keep him in one area. We used to have a bedtime routine with my son and my husband, and now it’s one or the other because Harry can’t be left alone downstairs without causing absolute carnage. It’s heartbreaking.
Yesterday, my husband asked me to contact the breeder to see if she would take him back. We haven't decided anything yet, but we want to know if there's a way out if things get even worse. I’m wondering, in that case, what would the consequences be for the puppy? Will he forget us? Will he be able to be happy? I feel terrible for not properly gauging the impact a puppy would have on our lives... yet it wasn’t a whim... I thought I’d planned for everything...
I’d really appreciate your advice...
I’m lost and I feel so miserable for myself... for him... and for my son...
Translated from French
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Hi there. You made a mistake and you've had the guts to admit it. Unfortunately, many people don't. Personally, I’d suggest handing this puppy over to a rescue charity, because that breeder is a disgrace!! He encouraged you in your choice and, in my opinion, he's just as responsible for the situation (if not more so) as you are, because he’s the one who is supposed to know what life with a puppy is really like. He'll probably just do the same thing again to sell the puppy a second time. You want what’s best for the little guy, so please give him to people who will have his well-being at heart rather than just seeing it as a financial matter. You're a good person! Hang in there, and I hope we get an update from you soon.
Personally, I don't think we should hesitate to name and shame breeders who act like this. It’s far too easy for them to just sell to the first person who turns up with the cash without worrying about the puppy’s welfare, even when it’s blindingly obvious that it isn't going to work out.
Hello,
Bringing home a puppy, just like a new baby, is a massive life change and can be incredibly time-consuming and stressful for the first few weeks or even months.
First off, teaching a puppy to be alone is always a gradual process; most pups won't be able to stay home by themselves for a full day right from the start. It's best to start by leaving them for just a few minutes, slowly increasing the duration. Once they seem comfortable, you can move up to a few hours and build it up bit by bit, always making sure you don't push them past their anxiety threshold. This takes time and real commitment, but it’s essential to prevent separation anxiety from developing. You might need to take them into work with you or arrange for a pet sitter or doggy daycare while they’re still learning the ropes.
As for it being time-consuming, the house-training stage (which is totally normal at this age) means you’re cleaning up after them almost constantly... and training them not to steal food is a long and difficult task.
It only lasts for a few months, and if you put the work into their training now, they’ll be a lovely companion throughout their adult years. Don't hesitate to have someone look after them for a day or even a few days every now and then; it’ll give you a chance to catch your breath, focus on yourself, and get some perspective.
That being said, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed, especially with a young child to look after. It’s actually very admirable of you to admit that you’re struggling and that you simply don’t have the time for a creature that needs so much. If you really don't feel ready to commit this much for the next few months, the best thing for both you and the puppy would indeed be to find them a new family (perhaps via the breeder if they’re happy to help) who can look after them properly. At this age, a well-socialised puppy doesn’t usually have any trouble adapting to a new family and getting used to a new environment. They won’t forget you, but they’ll settle in quickly—especially if their new family has plenty of time to meet all their needs!
I hope this helps,
Mathilde
Hi there,
You made a mistake and you’ve got the courage to admit it. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't.
Personally, I’d suggest surrendering this puppy to a rescue or an animal charity because that breeder sounds disgraceful!! They encouraged you in your choice and, in my eyes, they’re just as responsible for the situation (if not more so) than you are—after all, they should know exactly what life with a puppy involves. They’ll probably just do the same thing again to sell the pup a second time. You want the best for the little one, so please give them to people who truly have their well-being at heart rather than it being about the money.
You’re a good person! Hang in there, and I really hope you keep us updated.
Hi there,
Unlike the others, I’d say "keep feeling guilty". Too many people just move on and do the same thing all over again (I’m not saying that will be the case with you), but it’s no small thing for this little life to be shuffled from pillar to post. Yes, you are doing the right thing now, but it’s because a mistake was made in the first place. I believe we should never forget our mistakes; it’s what stops us from making them again.
Feeling bad is a "punishment" from your conscience; as long as it’s weighing on you, it shows you have principles and values, and that’s brilliant! However, I would go through a rescue centre instead; this breeder doesn't seem particularly bothered about where their puppies end up.
Everyone makes mistakes; the important thing is to put them right. You are absolutely right to return the puppy to the breeder as soon as possible, for his sake and for yours. He will find a family that is home more often very quickly, and hopefully the breeder won't make the same mistake again. Selling a puppy to a family that is out all day is irresponsible, to say the least. Don’t feel guilty, you’ve made the right decision.
Thank you for your kind message. It really warms my heart at a time when the tears are flowing... have a lovely day
Evening Sophie, don’t be too hard on yourself. You did your research, but it’s clear the breeder didn't help you at all; they obviously put their own profits first... It’s been a long time since I had a little six-year-old running around... but I completely agree that your schedule is clearly quite packed between work, housework, and raising your son... and a puppy really does take a lot of time to train properly. They need you to be there for them, both physically and emotionally... and perhaps now just isn't the right time for you. I think there’s a time and a place for everything... Your lad will grow up, but right now he needs you and you’re right to make him the priority... Take the little pup back to the breeder; they’ll find him another family quickly. I just hope they pay a bit more attention to the puppy's needs and less to their own bank balance... they’re the one mainly at fault here. And your little boy will forget, don’t you worry.
Thank you for your support and advice. It really means a lot. Have a lovely day.
Everyone makes mistakes; the important thing is putting them right. You’re absolutely right to return the puppy to the breeder as soon as possible, for the pup’s sake as well as your own. They’ll find a family that is around more very quickly, and hopefully the breeder won’t make the same mistake again. Selling a puppy to a household where no one is home during the day is irresponsible, to say the least.
Don’t feel guilty—you’ve made the right decision.
Good evening Sophie,
Please don't beat yourself up about this. You did your research, but it's clear the breeder didn't help you at all; they obviously put their own profits first.
It's been a long time since my own children were six, but I can certainly see that you’ve got your hands full between work, the housework, and raising your son. A puppy takes an enormous amount of time to train, and they really need us to be there for them, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps it’s just not the right time for you—there’s a time and a place for everything.
Your little boy will grow up, but right now he needs you, and you're absolutely right to put him first.
Take the little pup back to the breeder; they’ll find him a new family quickly. I just hope they pay more attention to the puppy's needs this time rather than their own pocket... they are the one at fault here.
And don't worry, your lad will soon forget about it.
Hi, no puppy handles being left alone well. The breeder must know this, but clearly their priority is just making a sale. Take this dog back as soon as possible, before they’ve had the chance to get too attached to you. And please don't get another dog; your schedule simply isn't compatible with such a highly social animal.
Of course, I would never make this mistake again. It’s a lesson I won't be forgetting in a hurry.
Thanks @jazz17, that’s very kind of you. I really wanted the best for this dog and for the family, and I truly don’t think I’ve taken the decision lightly. I’ve just realised there’s a massive gap between what you imagine and the reality of the situation, which I didn't fully appreciate. I won't make this mistake again and I’ll be carrying this guilt for a long time, but my son has to come first. He’s only just turning 6. My son is asking me to give Harry a photo so he won’t forget him. I just can't stop crying...
