Returning my puppy to the breeder. How will it affect him?

S
Sophieetselim Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone,

I’m coming here for some help. I got a young puppy, nearly 3 months old, 11 days ago.

I’d done as much research as possible, I’d spoken with dog trainers and we were ready for the adventure. I pictured his arrival as such a happy time for everyone, but things aren’t going well at all right now. I end up in tears every night.

My husband and I both work, and my son, who’s nearly 6, is at school. The breeder assured me that the dog was fine being left alone. Since he arrived, he howls the moment we leave. I went to work with a knot in my stomach for two days, then we bought a camera to reassure ourselves... to see if he was okay after we left... but it’s done more harm than good because he really isn't, and I haven't slept since. I’m so upset. So, that’s problem number one. Problem number two is that even though I was prepared for walks, toilet training and food, I’m forced to admit that I just don’t have the time needed to look after him properly. He’s here now and I feel like I have no choice, but basically, with our lives and our schedules, I’m constantly late for work. When I get home, I have to clean everything up before I can even see to him, and since he’s been alone all day, I focus on him the second I’ve finished cleaning. As a result, my son has been sidelined for the last 10 days... homework is done late, bedtime is pushed back and we’ve forgotten all about bedtime stories. I don't even eat at the table anymore because I’m constantly intervening; he eats everything he finds. Because our house is completely open-plan, we struggle to keep him in one area. We used to have a bedtime routine with my son and my husband, and now it’s one or the other because Harry can’t be left alone downstairs without causing absolute carnage. It’s heartbreaking.

Yesterday, my husband asked me to contact the breeder to see if she would take him back. We haven't decided anything yet, but we want to know if there's a way out if things get even worse. I’m wondering, in that case, what would the consequences be for the puppy? Will he forget us? Will he be able to be happy? I feel terrible for not properly gauging the impact a puppy would have on our lives... yet it wasn’t a whim... I thought I’d planned for everything...

I’d really appreciate your advice...

I’m lost and I feel so miserable for myself... for him... and for my son...

Translated from French
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    • Yuna La Ficelle
    Yuna la ficelle Icon representing the flag French
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    2/2 Secondly, we can't promise you anything because every animal—whether it’s a cat, a dog, or a human—has their own personality. Even though there are breed characteristics, it’s never a given that the animal will handle being alone, or that they'll be house-trained, affectionate, or good with children. And finally, because when you bring a pet home, you absolutely have to be there for them at the start—for at least a fortnight, but even a week is the bare minimum. This is especially true for a kitten or a puppy, but it’s just as important for an adult animal. You’re turning their whole world upside down, and it’s perfectly normal for them to feel a bit out of sorts and need time to adjust, even if they're grown up. If you were 39 and someone sent you to live forever in a foreign country where you didn't speak the language with total strangers, I imagine you’d be pretty shaken up too, wouldn't you? Well, it’s the same for a cat or a dog. If you weren’t aware of that, it’s hardly the breeder’s fault. So there you go. Sorry to be a bit blunt, but honestly, I don't know if the breeder is any good—I don’t have enough info—but I do think that, for the time being, you should forget the idea of having a pet of any kind. That might sound mean, but clearly it’s the honest answer you need; otherwise, you’ll end up saying it’s my fault if your cat scratches your child. I understand you feel guilty, and I'm not judging you for making a mistake—it happens. But sometimes we feel guilty for a reason, and in my opinion, what happened is entirely your fault, not the breeder’s. Not even slightly. Have a good evening regardless.
    Translated from French
    Yuna La Ficelle
    Yuna la ficelle Icon representing the flag French
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    😎 Warning: this is a bit of a nasty message, so don't read on if you don't want to get upset, but I just had to get this off my chest.... 😎

    1/2

    I’d originally written a real scorcher of a post, then I thought it best to read through the other comments first to understand the situation and try to match the general tone.

    Since everyone else is showing you compassion and kindness on the whole, I’ve rewritten this to be less aggressive. But I’m sorry, I just can’t post a comment if I’m not being true to myself....

    So, sorry, others have done it before me, including "the former user" on page 3, and I completely agree with them. To be honest, I’m being even blunter, and I don't care if it's Christmas and I'm supposed to be nice to everyone.

    What exactly are you blaming this breeder for? Not asking you if you actually know what a dog is???

    I'm sorry, but a dog—even an adult with what’s described as a "set" temperament—or a "READY-TO-GO" puppy simply doesn't exist.

    Honestly, I can read and re-read your thread, and I don’t see a single moment where I could find fault with the breeder, at least not with the information you’ve provided.

    She gave you a standard dog, i.e. not a restricted breed (otherwise, yes, there are precautions to take and info to give to adopters), and on top of that, she waited until the litter was 3 months old, which isn't always the case.

    So I’m asking you, honestly, what should the breeder have said to you?

    "Go elsewhere, love, you aren't capable of adopting a puppy"?

    Would you have accepted that answer? Don’t you think you probably presented yourself in a light that made this person trust you?

    I’ve tried to find excuses for you, but I can’t see any, and I don’t see any flaws in the breeder either, especially since she even agreed to take the puppy back.

    She couldn't have predicted how the puppy would react; it could have gone perfectly well, and she likely gave you the puppy that had the most stable behaviour at HER place!

    So, look, sorry, you’re going to think I’m an idiot, but regarding your second thread on the cat forum asking if it would be a good idea to adopt a cat—the answer is no.

    Mainly because

    I don’t want you blaming me later for advising you to get a cat because cats poop, and if you have a 6-year-old, they’re going to want to play with the cat, but cats are far less tolerant than dogs when it comes to being pestered by children. And cats have claws.

    Translated from French
    Emla
    Emla Icon representing the flag French
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    Thanks for the update.

    It must be really tough, but you did what you felt was best.

    Translated from French
    S
    Sophieetselim Icon representing the flag French
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    Good evening everyone. Just a quick message to give you all an update.

    After contacting several rescue charities without a response and being unable to just give the dog away for fear of what might happen to him, Harry has gone back to his breeder. We were assured that he would forget us quickly and wouldn't feel lonely since he’s back with several other puppies. The handover went really badly; the breeder was absolutely vile. I’ve sent three texts since then asking for news but haven't had a single reply. I’ve left a Google review to call out their methods... we’ll see what happens. We miss Harry so much... we think about him every day... I wanted to thank you all again for your help during this painful time. Merry Christmas to you all.

    Translated from French
    Docline
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    Giving a pet away for free on sites like Gumtree is just an open invitation to all sorts of unscrupulous dealers. Unless it’s to an immediate neighbour you see every day, you’d be handing that puppy over to a very uncertain future.
    Translated from French
    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Actually, this breeder doesn't seem that bad after all. Maybe it was just the person who handled the sale of the puppy who wasn't quite up to scratch. I can understand her reaction to seeing an ad on a site like Gumtree; you can easily come across someone who seems perfectly respectable, but then the dog ends up being used for puppy farming or being put back up for sale on the same site. If she’s willing to take him back, it’s for the best as he’ll quickly find his feet again, with familiar smells and the breeder who originally cared for him. I expect she’ll be much stricter about the puppy’s living conditions after this and will make sure to do thorough background checks beforehand.
    Translated from French
    S
    Sophieetselim Icon representing the flag French
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    The breeder got back to me. She’s agreed to take him back. She’s promised me he won’t be on his own in his kennel, even though she doesn’t have any other Cockers at the moment. She says he’ll be in with some other puppies his age. She also mentioned—without me even having to ask—that she’ll find him a new home, although we’ll probably have to wait until after the Christmas holidays because things are a bit quiet right now. She’s happy for me to send him with his toys, his comfort blanket, and his beds so he has some familiar things around him. I told her I’d put an ad on Gumtree, and she begged me not to do that. So, that’s where I’m at... besides, I’m not actually authorised to sell a puppy, I can only give him away, but I’m worried that people who take a dog without any financial commitment might not have really thought things through.
    Translated from French
    Kikaah
    Kikaah Icon representing the flag French
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    If you're using a classified ad, you really need to be extra vigilant about the rehoming process and take your time picking the right adopters. You need to understand their motives, whether they actually have the time to look after them... and be prepared to say no if you don't "get a good vibe" from them or if they don't seem responsible enough... and then make sure they've settled in well... basically, I’m not 100% sure it’s the best way to go; if you don't have the time to look after the pet yourself, will you really have the time to find them their forever home?

    And what happens if you get it wrong and the family you've picked isn't actually a good fit? Personally, I’d rather go through a rescue centre that can take over the process, rather than having it on my conscience if I made a mistake.

    You get all sorts out there, from badly run charities to unscrupulous private sellers; you just have to be very selective.

    Translated from French
    Tania28
    Tania28 Icon representing the flag French
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    Have you tried phoning the rescue centres? Because if you’ve only contacted them by email...
    Translated from French
    Tania28
    Tania28 Icon representing the flag French
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    I don't think Sophie is going to bother vetting any potential adopters; it seems she's just in a massive hurry to get this puppy—who didn't ask for any of this, poor thing—out of the house. Please, whatever you do, don't give him away for free. He could end up in a really awful situation.
    Translated from French

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