I’m coming here for some help. I got a young puppy, nearly 3 months old, 11 days ago.
I’d done as much research as possible, I’d spoken with dog trainers and we were ready for the adventure. I pictured his arrival as such a happy time for everyone, but things aren’t going well at all right now. I end up in tears every night.
My husband and I both work, and my son, who’s nearly 6, is at school. The breeder assured me that the dog was fine being left alone. Since he arrived, he howls the moment we leave. I went to work with a knot in my stomach for two days, then we bought a camera to reassure ourselves... to see if he was okay after we left... but it’s done more harm than good because he really isn't, and I haven't slept since. I’m so upset. So, that’s problem number one. Problem number two is that even though I was prepared for walks, toilet training and food, I’m forced to admit that I just don’t have the time needed to look after him properly. He’s here now and I feel like I have no choice, but basically, with our lives and our schedules, I’m constantly late for work. When I get home, I have to clean everything up before I can even see to him, and since he’s been alone all day, I focus on him the second I’ve finished cleaning. As a result, my son has been sidelined for the last 10 days... homework is done late, bedtime is pushed back and we’ve forgotten all about bedtime stories. I don't even eat at the table anymore because I’m constantly intervening; he eats everything he finds. Because our house is completely open-plan, we struggle to keep him in one area. We used to have a bedtime routine with my son and my husband, and now it’s one or the other because Harry can’t be left alone downstairs without causing absolute carnage. It’s heartbreaking.
Yesterday, my husband asked me to contact the breeder to see if she would take him back. We haven't decided anything yet, but we want to know if there's a way out if things get even worse. I’m wondering, in that case, what would the consequences be for the puppy? Will he forget us? Will he be able to be happy? I feel terrible for not properly gauging the impact a puppy would have on our lives... yet it wasn’t a whim... I thought I’d planned for everything...
I’d really appreciate your advice...
I’m lost and I feel so miserable for myself... for him... and for my son...
Translated from French
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I’m absolutely appalled reading this post: you both work and yet you thought it was a good idea to get a dog? As a professional breeder, I wouldn't have sold a puppy to you; the only victim here is this poor little creature who didn't ask for any of this!
You are entirely responsible for this situation and, frankly, the only thing I’d recommend you get is a tank of goldfish!
The commitment certificate that buyers have to sign clearly states that a dog is a sentient, living being with feelings... you should have just bought one of those robot dogs from China; they don't eat, they don't bark, they aren't a nuisance, and they cost nothing to keep!
Are you parents? I just hope that when your child cried, you didn't think about dropping them off at Social Services!!! Honestly, who do you think you're kidding? Your post just proves I'm right to take my time when rehoming my babies... the difference being that I take them back without a refund to ensure they don't end up just anywhere if—despite all my precautions—it doesn't work out, like in cases of allergies, for example.
Just a quick question... your child is young... when they went to nursery for the first time, did they cry? Did they feel a bit lost?? Personally, when someone picks up a puppy, I strongly advise my clients to take at least a fortnight off work to get the pup settled into its new environment... then it would have bonded with you without any issues, and obviously it should be kept in a puppy pen, not given the run of the house!
You’ve clearly dealt with a breeder who was a bit lax with their advice, so I’d say you're only 50% to blame...
Mrs Bekesi, Des Chemins du Bout du Monde Kennels—a breeder well-known in France for its high standards!
While leaving a Google review, I realised I wasn’t the only one with a grievance. It might not have been for the same reasons, but I think it just shows how little empathy this person has. Anyway, I made a massive mistake regardless and, as I said before, I’m taking full responsibility for it. I still miss my dog so much. I’m in tears all the time, replaying every single moment in my head. I keep wondering if I could have done better, or done things differently. I even thought about trying to get him back, but when I look at the camera footage, I have to face facts... I just don’t have the right lifestyle for him...
In the end, she kept about £430 out of the £600, and since she’s just going to resell him, I think that’s a bit much, but I didn't want to argue about it so I just let it go.
When I asked what the puppy needed to get started, she told me "nothing"... then I found out she sells everything on-site. Her answer made a lot more sense after that. The day I took Harry back, all she talked about was the cheque. I didn't even get a "hello" or a "goodbye"... it’s definitely not how I would have behaved... but then again, maybe that’s normal, I don’t know. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame... I’m just saying she glossed over some really important information just to get the sale. She has a duty of care to advise her customers, like in many other jobs. Especially when it involves a living creature. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I wasn't at my best. I told the absolute truth because I didn't want to get things wrong. I’m already devastated about the situation, but if this had happened despite me mentioning everything, I would have felt even guiltier. She had all the facts.
I've had very little contact with the breeder. I called three times to get some information, but every time she cut me short after five minutes. During the first call, I explained our daily routine, our working weeks, and our weekends. She asked if I was on holiday, and I told her I would be in three weeks’ time. She never mentioned that it was absolutely vital for someone to be there. When I called her back a few days later to explain the situation, she asked, "Don't you come home at lunchtime?" I told her I didn't. She then said I had to be back at lunch, at least for the first few weeks. I wish I’d known that... my job just doesn't allow it. She then suggested giving him a treat ball, which I did, but it hasn't made a difference.
Before we got him, I called twice more to check if he was properly socialised. She said he was, but when I arrived, it was a massive breeding farm with huge sheds. It was nothing like the photos on their website, which showed them out in the countryside. I really wasn't expecting that. When I got there with my son, we asked again about leaving him alone. It wasn't the breeder herself this time but an employee, who again said it would be fine. Given that we both work and have a young child, nobody mentioned how much time we’d need to dedicate to the dog every day. I won't even go into the part where they handed the dog to my son, only to tell me half an hour later that his testicles hadn't dropped. They asked if we still wanted to go through with the adoption. Of course we did, but it’s not exactly professional. When I called to see if she’d take him back, she only cared about the money. I asked about the dog's welfare, and she hardly even answered me.
A small, stable family with a comfortable income, a child who isn’t too young, an environment that’s hardly a war zone...
Honestly, a breeder should be able to feel reassured about their puppy’s future.
Especially since, as we all do, this "charming" little family must have put their best foot forward, and as the OP mentioned in her first post, "I’d done as much research as possible, I’d sought advice from dog trainers"—something she must have emphasised at the time, suggesting the adoption was a thoroughly well-considered decision.
And yet, here we are, the puppy is sent back a few weeks later on the grounds that he can't be left alone and that, actually, the family has no time to give him......
😒
But it's the breeder's fault, obviously.......
😯
Another bit of "collateral damage", on top of this poor puppy being shunted around, which I feel has been overlooked in this thread: what about the impact on your 6-year-old child, who only had a dog for a few weeks?!
Just to be clear, @Sophieetselim, I’m not blaming you for making a mistake, and I truly believe you when you say it’s been taking a real emotional toll on you. That said, the breeder isn't at fault here, that’s all I’m saying.
I’m sorry if I upset you. My advice would be that if you're choosing between a dog and a cat, you should go for the dog based on the kind of bond you're looking for. In my humble opinion, a dog really is the right fit for you, but it’s absolutely vital that you take two or even three weeks off work when you first adopt. No matter what the dog’s personality is like, you’re bound to have a settling-in period and that’s completely normal.
If it helps, I’m in the same boat as you, except I have cats at the moment—and trust me, cats have their own quirks too—but I’d love to have a dog. Like you, one of my biggest worries is that my dog won’t handle being alone and might bark the place down all day. On the one hand, it shows they’re miserable, and on the other, it forces you into making a decision like the one you had to make, so I totally get it.
Mind you, what I don’t understand sometimes are the replies from other posters, and I say that with all due respect. If you listen to them, you shouldn't adopt before you're 18 because you're a minor; you shouldn't adopt between 18 and 67 (pension age) because you're working and don't have enough time; and you shouldn't adopt after 70 either.
I’m telling you, @Sophieetselim, I know plenty of couples where both people work and they still have a dog, and none of them mistreat their pets. Your mistake wasn’t wanting a dog, it was just not being able to settle him in the way he needed. Not to give you any regrets since it's too late now, but that Cocker Spaniel might well have been a great match for you. It’s just that, like any animal going through such a massive upheaval, he was suddenly dropped into a brand-new world, and in those circumstances, it’s only natural that he reacted the way he did.
Look, I can’t promise you anything, but for me, the absolute 'must' when adopting is to be there—whether you’re on holiday, working from home, between jobs, or on a sabbatical. You simply have to be present.
Anyway, I hope that’s a bit more helpful. I hope some other owners who both work full-time will share how they managed to teach their dogs to be home alone, and how they balance their professional lives with having a dog so that everyone stays happy.
I get what the poster is complaining about, but honestly, lewina, with all due respect, to explain the situation, you’re talking about the "author’s naivety"....
So let me ask you, @Sophieetselim, which would you prefer?
To be told (without being mean) that you’ve been a bit naive, or to be told that you can spin this any way you want, but at the end of the day, it's partly your fault and the breeder isn't actually that bad because:
She waited until the puppies were 3 months old, even though the legal age is 8 weeks, which shows a certain level of respect for her animals (unless it was just a coincidence?)
She agreed to take the dog back (even if she’s moaning a bit) even though she wasn't obliged to, and the reason given for the return is, frankly, a bit mind-boggling and surreal...??
Anyway, I know what a terrible breeder looks like, but I don’t really see it with this one. If anything, she’s the one I feel sorry for.
I actually think that if you’d phrased your post differently, something like:
"Hi,
I just adopted a three-month-old puppy only 11 days ago. He’s left alone all day because I’m at work, but he won’t stop barking even though the breeder told me he was used to being on his own at her place, so I’ve decided to give him up."
I think everyone would have jumped down your throat.
I got my little Saphir when she was 3 months old. The breeder waited a month before cashing the cheque, which she does for every client, as she gives everyone a month to change their mind for any reason. Honestly, I think that’s really decent of her.
(In practice, she’s only ever had to take a puppy back once because it had a physical defect that required a very expensive operation with no guarantee of success. She actually swapped it for another puppy and kept the poorly little thing herself. Thankfully, the surgery she paid for went well, so he’s my dog’s older brother and she still has him.)
Actually, I’m more used to breeders who are quite particular about a buyer's suitability; the only time I was ever sold a puppy without any kind of prior 'vetting' or follow-up, I have to say I was quite shocked.
Yuna la ficelle, the point she’s making against the breeder is that they assured her the puppy would have no problem being left alone. It’s hard to believe if you know anything about dogs in general, but the OP admits they hadn't done enough research and didn't realise that it’s almost impossible at that age. The breeder, however, definitely knew this and shouldn't have taken advantage of the OP's naivety to sell a puppy, given they wouldn't be able to look after it properly due to their work hours.
As for taking time off to settle a new pet in, I agree when it comes to dogs, but not so much with cats. A cat will be much more at ease exploring their new home on their own, so it’s not a problem to leave them by themselves fairly soon.
