Her behaviour towards my wife is completely different than with me

Sixvingt
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Hi everyone, back at the end of October, my wife and I decided to adopt a young puppy (8 weeks old) — her mum was a Cane Corso and her dad a Staffy. Despite several power struggles with her (she’s quite a dominant character, and I’ve never given her an inch when it comes to training; I’m understanding if I feel it wasn’t on purpose, but firmer otherwise. By firm, I mean if she barks at me aggressively or does a wee right in front of me while staring me in the eye, I’d take her by the scruff of the neck and put her on her back with my palm on her throat and my hand over her muzzle. Mind you, this is without any force or violence; I speak sternly but without shouting). She follows my every command, both at home and on walks, she’s fully house-trained, hardly ever barks or growls, follows me everywhere and loves sitting between my legs or right next to me. She’s very playful, brings me her rope toy, and we do three or four 15-minute training sessions a day, along with play and plenty of cuddles. With my three-year-old son, even though he can be a bit rough with her sometimes (we’re working on that with him a lot), she is incredibly patient. If she’s had enough, she just gives him a little nudge to move him away and goes off to her own space. She’s very protective of him; she can’t stand anyone raising their voice at him, and if we even pretend to give him a smack, she steps in and growls. She doesn’t bite, but you can really tell she’s a dog that won’t tolerate any aggression.

The issue now is with my wife. As soon as I leave, the dog starts barking at her — I can even hear my wife shouting from outside. She growls at her regularly, and if I’m not there, she won’t listen to a word she says unless she senses my wife is about to reach breaking point and is at the end of her tether. When I get home, my wife is more exhausted by the dog than by our son. I honestly don’t know what to do about this. Is it up to me, as the master, to establish the hierarchy within our "pack" (and if so, how?), or is it up to my wife to work on this herself? For context, at the very beginning, she thought I was being too rough (the scruffing, putting the dog on her back with my hand on her throat and muzzle), but for the last fortnight, she’s been trying to do the same thing herself. The problem is, the dog just treats it as a game; it amuses her rather than setting any boundaries.

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the long post, but I think the more detail I provide about her environment, the better your advice will be! :D

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Basically, anyone who doesn't act aggressively—since that’s what you’re teaching your dog—is going to get growled and barked at. That’ll be lovely for your kids later on, not to mention the vet and people in the street. No well-adjusted dog will ever pin another one down violently unless they're playing and the other dog voluntarily rolls onto its back; a dog that does it aggressively is an unbalanced dog. No mother dog disciplines her pups by scruffing them; that is an incredibly violent threat, often synonymous with a death blow. You’re lucky your girl hasn't snapped back yet, but as for her socialisation, you’re failing miserably. There will come a day when you won’t be able to physically overpower her anymore. I honestly think your household needs a serious rethink—consulting a positive reinforcement trainer would be a good idea. Poor thing, basically being attacked for having an accident; she’s just a baby and she physically can't control her bladder yet. Out of the dozen or so dogs I’ve had through my house, all of them ended up house-trained: you praise them when they go outside and just clean up after them if they go inside. Eventually, it clicks. With adult dogs, it barely takes me 24 hours with that method; puppies take longer because they have no control, which is normal. Especially with large breeds—I might be wrong, but they often seem to take longer to get house-trained than shepherds and the like.
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    Docline
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    How dare you blame a puppy for not having full control over its body yet? Were you like that with your son?? You aren't raising your dog; you're "breaking" her. That explains her lack of respect—you’re ruling through fear instead of being fair and consistent. With a start like this, and given her breed mix, it’s going to be incredibly difficult to turn her into a well-adjusted and reliable dog. You need to rethink your "principles"—they are completely wide of the mark. It’s your only chance of turning things around and having any hope of her becoming a good dog for everyone, including your wife.
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    Tosca17
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    Peeing in front of you isn't an act of defiance; it's just that she’s terrified and doesn’t know how to de-escalate the situation. Also, keep in mind that there are different types of growls, including play-growling... I know I had to show my family that Tosca’s growls weren’t her being defensive, but were actually invitations to play – the sounds aren't quite the same.
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    Emla
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    Your dog might obey you for now, but you’re turning her into an aggressive dog. And once she’s fully grown, it’ll be a completely different story!

    A puppy doesn’t do things just to wind you up – she’s a puppy! Not a ten-year-old kid!

    So there’s no point trying to control her physically; you just need to teach her. Teach her that we go to the toilet outside, and that if she gets too worked up, nobody will want to be around her...

    To be honest, I don’t know why I’m even replying to this post, as I get the feeling this discussion is going to be a total waste of time anyway...

    Make sure you get a behavioural assessment done for her when she’s 8 months old, and pray she doesn’t growl at the vet.

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    Kikaah
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    I’m with your wife on this one regarding the scruffing and putting him on his back... there are other ways to get your dog to respect you without having to resort to wrestling moves (even if it is "gentle"). Does your wife help look after the dog? Things like walks, playtime, training...?
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