I’ve snapped… I really need some help (3-month-old Malinois)

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Max789 Icon representing the flag French
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Good evening, I have a Malinois born on 29/12/2019, so he’ll be 3 months old in three days. He’s a male.

I’m trying my best; since he arrived, I’ve done everything to make him feel settled. He’s already learned quite a lot.

Basically, I’ll get straight to the point. The problem is me; I feel like I have no authority without shouting and being aggressive. I’m already quite a highly strung and active person.

Earlier, he was chewing my door, and it just made me lose it. I told him to come to me, but he wouldn’t. I went to get him by force and things got out of hand. I shoved him quite hard and smacked him on his bottom. Without downplaying what I did, I think I scared him far more than I hurt him—he actually messed himself (both wee and poo).

I feel sick, I can’t get to sleep. A part of me keeps saying it’s too late now and he’ll be either timid or aggressive forever. I’ve been told that with a Malinois, if you hit them once, it’s too late...

That’s what’s hurting me so much—thinking I might have reached the point of no return.

I love this dog; I even home-cook his meals. I love spending time with him and watching him grow. At the end of the day, he’s lovely; he doesn't even cry when I go out.

I just struggle to understand him. But I have the will to change; I’d cut off a finger to sort this out if I had to! I really need some advice, please.

I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again. I feel awful, I regret it so much and I loathe myself right now...

My main question is: is it too late now? If he becomes fearful like a beaten dog, I’ll never have the skills or the composure to fix that.

I should mention that after it happened, he started coming back to me again. Please, there’s no need to lecture me—I already feel bad enough, it would just be counterproductive.

Please know that I will follow every bit of advice I receive!

Thanks for reading.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Just a bit of advice: when you catch him in the act like that, give him a firm "No". There's no need to shout, just use a good, deep, stern voice and that should stop him. If it doesn't, punish him by ignoring him. He'll gradually start to understand and think, "Oops, I've been a bad boy and now Dad's ignoring me." 😳

    Don't beat yourself up; lots of people are on edge with lockdown at the moment, and I can tell just by reading your post how much you love your dog. 👌

    If you don't actually see him making a mess, like a poo or whatever, just clean it up but don't let him watch you do it.

    He only wee'd on himself because you shouted and gave him a little smack; as far as he was concerned, the door was just a game!

    PS. I'm really not trying to lecture you, I'm just trying to explain what was going through his little puppy brain.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Evening. First off, don't beat yourself up about it because I've been there too.

    You’ve got to remember that when dogs misbehave, they’re usually just doing it to get your attention. Which, clearly, he’s managed to do! But there’s no point hitting him or being rough with him. I’ve spoken to a pet behaviourist about this too, and the only way to get through to your dog is, first of all, to completely ignore his antics (even if, between you and me, that’s incredibly hard to do!!!) but that’s the rule. The more of a fuss you make, the more he’ll see it as a win, and he’ll just keep doing it.

    Just look past the mischief; that’s the first rule.

    Clean up after him while he’s in another room, so he doesn't think "my owner is picking up my mess, this is fun, I'll do it again tomorrow".

    And thirdly, maybe look into some yoga classes lol!

    I hope this helps. Try to put all this into practice and see how it goes over time. Personally, I'm seeing some amazing results with my own dog (he's a Staffy, so very destructive, and he's only 7 months old). Good luck!!

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Yes, if he's come back to you, it means the bond isn't broken.

    Basically, I’d like to recommend a book to you. The regulars on here are going to have a laugh and say I’m earning royalties again!

    This book isn’t a puppy training manual as such. But it’ll teach you so much about how dogs tick. It’s about how to take your place as pack leader – or if you prefer, their point of reference – which will mean your dog has complete trust in you. I promise, once you’ve read it, you see your dog in a whole new light and understand them so much better.

    It’s ‘A Short Guide to a Happy Dog’ by Cesar Millan.

    It’s an easy read and absolutely fascinating! 😉

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Look, first of all, don't beat yourself up – everyone loses their cool sometimes! Plus, with everything going on with the lockdown, it's only natural that some people, yourself included maybe, are feeling a bit on edge! (I’m doing alright myself because I’m naturally a bit of a loner and a homebody, so it isn’t really bothering me that much.) What owner hasn’t lost their temper and given their dog a bit of a smack at some point because they've really pushed their buttons? Dogs that become fearful or aggressive due to mistreatment are those that are being hit or neglected constantly, day after day! If he came back to you straight away, it shows it didn’t really faze him that much (certainly less than it fazed you)! So don't worry, just carry on as normal, everything is fine!
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