I’ve snapped… I really need some help (3-month-old Malinois)

M
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Good evening, I have a Malinois born on 29/12/2019, so he’ll be 3 months old in three days. He’s a male.

I’m trying my best; since he arrived, I’ve done everything to make him feel settled. He’s already learned quite a lot.

Basically, I’ll get straight to the point. The problem is me; I feel like I have no authority without shouting and being aggressive. I’m already quite a highly strung and active person.

Earlier, he was chewing my door, and it just made me lose it. I told him to come to me, but he wouldn’t. I went to get him by force and things got out of hand. I shoved him quite hard and smacked him on his bottom. Without downplaying what I did, I think I scared him far more than I hurt him—he actually messed himself (both wee and poo).

I feel sick, I can’t get to sleep. A part of me keeps saying it’s too late now and he’ll be either timid or aggressive forever. I’ve been told that with a Malinois, if you hit them once, it’s too late...

That’s what’s hurting me so much—thinking I might have reached the point of no return.

I love this dog; I even home-cook his meals. I love spending time with him and watching him grow. At the end of the day, he’s lovely; he doesn't even cry when I go out.

I just struggle to understand him. But I have the will to change; I’d cut off a finger to sort this out if I had to! I really need some advice, please.

I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again. I feel awful, I regret it so much and I loathe myself right now...

My main question is: is it too late now? If he becomes fearful like a beaten dog, I’ll never have the skills or the composure to fix that.

I should mention that after it happened, he started coming back to me again. Please, there’s no need to lecture me—I already feel bad enough, it would just be counterproductive.

Please know that I will follow every bit of advice I receive!

Thanks for reading.

Translated from French
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    • M
    Max789 Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi everyone, I’ve messed up again. I was playing footie with him and the ball landed right at my feet; I couldn’t resist going for a volley, but he was right in front of me and it hit him square on the bum. He yelped and cried, he was so scared. I rushed over to talk to him to try and make him understand that I didn’t mean it. He’s coming back to me now, but he doesn't want to play football anymore. It's a shame, as I’d even made up some rules to have a little match and kill some time. I hope he’s forgotten about it; I’m off to try and get him to play again now!
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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there, Oh, he’s absolutely stunning! As for his coat colour, he’s got that lovely dark overlay and a beautiful black mask. It doesn’t surprise me at all; I’ve actually seen more Malis with rich colouring like his than pale ones like my girl (who isn't Kennel Club registered, by the way). Regarding the nipping, it’s typical for puppies who explore and communicate a lot with their mouths. Malinois, in particular, are naturally predisposed to biting and mouthing. Canvas or rope toys can be really useful for him to have fun with, but they're also great for redirecting that tendency to nip at hands or clothes. You can also use them to teach him to "leave it" and help him focus his energy. When it comes to their ability to learn, that’s another hallmark of the breed—though it can be a bit of a handful with some Malinois who are constantly looking for something to do. Be creative with your tasks and commands once the basics are well-established to make sure he’s getting enough mental stimulation.
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    M
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    Adding a few more for good measure!

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    M
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    Actually, I feel like their coat changed the most between their 2nd and 3rd month. I’m a bit worried that it’s starting to stray from the breed standard.

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    M
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    I’ve got a question — he’s a Kennel Club registered pedigree puppy. Don’t you think his coat colour looks a bit unusual? (Mind you, my phone camera tends to make things look darker.) I’m just a bit worried about whether he’ll meet the breed standard (not that it changes much, really). Is it normal for there to be a few different coloured hairs (ginger, white) on his mask between his eyes?

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    M
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    Wiegehts, thanks a lot, I'm really doing everything I can to put the effort in and work on myself. I've been a bit anxious and sleep-deprived these last few days, so that didn't help. I've had to start from scratch.

    The thing that drives me most round the bend is when he nips; my hands are covered in marks. When I’m playing on the sofa with him, he bites me and tugs at my jumper. But well, patience... I’m especially impressed by how quickly he learns! He’s almost mastered walking to heel, plus sit, down, stay, leave it, and recall.

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    M
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    Thanks everyone for your messages! I feel much more relieved now!

    Especially looking at his behaviour, it seems he's forgotten all about it! He’ll be 3 months old tomorrow. @Aagie19, I’ll see if I can get hold of the book as an ebook to keep me busy during lockdown.

    Thanks again for all your kind words!

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Haha, Malinois – cheeky little terrors!

    To help you relax, first of all, any chance of a photo of your little devil?

    Aside from this particular outburst, the best bit of advice I can give you is that the biggest job you're going to have to do isn't on your puppy, but on yourself. Because, having a similar personality to yours (a bit hot-headed and quick to lose my temper), I really had to work on myself to train my dogs. And believe me, there's nothing like a dog to teach you patience.

    Secondly, no, your pup isn't going to become fearful or aggressive just because of one hiding. But they can become wary of you if you have more of these extreme, poorly controlled mood swings, especially over things that, from a dog's point of view, aren't actually wrong.

    So, start from scratch. They've done something naughty? Keep your cool, put the little monster in another room without getting angry, and then clear it up. Give them some toys or activities that let them blow off steam and are allowed, to tire them out both physically and mentally; it’ll also help you stay calm and focused with them.

    We know what you did was "wrong", but being aware of it and making sure it doesn't happen again shows humility and respect for both your dog and yourself. So, patience, stay calm, use gentle authority, and you'll feel much better for it.

    😉

    Here’s my old girl... I really had to learn to keep my cool with a creature like her, but it was so worth it; she’s incredibly loyal and is the gentlest thing with me.

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    B
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    Hi there, I agree with @titejava and the others. The worst thing for a puppy is being ignored, especially with a breed that craves attention as much as a Malinois does. Keep that feeling (for yourself) in the back of your mind to remind you not to lose your temper like that again... Your pup won't suffer any long-term effects if it doesn't happen again. Most importantly, stay patient; your puppy is going to get into plenty more mischief yet! Every pup takes a different amount of time to understand things. Try not to get worked up—it is sinking in and he is listening to you, it’s just a slow process. Hang in there and don't worry, he’ll forgive you—if he hasn't already!
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