Good evening, I have a Malinois born on 29/12/2019, so he’ll be 3 months old in three days. He’s a male.
I’m trying my best; since he arrived, I’ve done everything to make him feel settled. He’s already learned quite a lot.
Basically, I’ll get straight to the point. The problem is me; I feel like I have no authority without shouting and being aggressive. I’m already quite a highly strung and active person.
Earlier, he was chewing my door, and it just made me lose it. I told him to come to me, but he wouldn’t. I went to get him by force and things got out of hand. I shoved him quite hard and smacked him on his bottom. Without downplaying what I did, I think I scared him far more than I hurt him—he actually messed himself (both wee and poo).
I feel sick, I can’t get to sleep. A part of me keeps saying it’s too late now and he’ll be either timid or aggressive forever. I’ve been told that with a Malinois, if you hit them once, it’s too late...
That’s what’s hurting me so much—thinking I might have reached the point of no return.
I love this dog; I even home-cook his meals. I love spending time with him and watching him grow. At the end of the day, he’s lovely; he doesn't even cry when I go out.
I just struggle to understand him. But I have the will to change; I’d cut off a finger to sort this out if I had to! I really need some advice, please.
I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again. I feel awful, I regret it so much and I loathe myself right now...
My main question is: is it too late now? If he becomes fearful like a beaten dog, I’ll never have the skills or the composure to fix that.
I should mention that after it happened, he started coming back to me again. Please, there’s no need to lecture me—I already feel bad enough, it would just be counterproductive.
Please know that I will follow every bit of advice I receive!
Thanks for reading.
Translated from French
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Hi there! First of all, please know that your pet was only startled because you’re his owner. Secondly, you shouldn't judge yourself too harshly. No real harm was done; he just had a bit of a fright because he looks up to you and you're his world. Focus on the positives now; I'm sure your big lad is healthy and doing fine. I’ve actually got a five-month-old puppy myself who joined us just two days ago. There’s so much to get stuck into with training and everything that follows—it takes a lot of hard work, time, and patience. I also have a 17-year-old cat who hisses at the dog, but the dog doesn't push it; they respect each other's space when sleeping in the house. As for your dog, please believe me when I say that giving him a little tap on the bum doesn't make you a bad owner at all. All the best to you, and above all, keep loving your dog just as much as the first day he arrived in your home. Have a lovely day.
Two high-energy souls together—it’s either make or break. You’ll either wear each other out or find a kind of harmony in all that madness 😁.
Being a bit of a couch potato myself, but with a bit of a fiery streak, having a dog that was very—or rather *too*—active really threw me. Plus, she’s a real "velcro dog," very intense and always by my side. For the first three nights, I let her sleep in a corner of the bedroom (she was barely 3 months old). Every time I woke up, even before I’d even opened my eyes, I’d hear the unbearable thumping of her tail against the wall. She’d sneak onto the mattress, wedging herself between me and that wall. Not only did I not want this dog, but she was stuck to me like glue. On top of that, she always wanted to play, run around, and interact. Since I wasn’t showing her much affection, she started playing with two or three toys at once in her corner. Or she’d blow bubbles in her water bowl with her nose. When it finally clicked that the poor thing hadn’t chosen to end up at my place, and I decided to put my dislike aside, I really had to graft to get my activity levels up to where she needed them to be. It was worth it, though, because more than 8 years later, we’re still together, haha.
But God, she wore me out—just watching her sprint, chase balls and toys, obey perfectly and instantly, and learn commands or hand signals in just a few days... Malinois are real intellectuals; their brains are basically on the go 24/7. (Speaking of being a parent, I’m glad I don’t have kids—I think one female Malinois is more than enough for me!)
As for the colour, it can change a bit depending on the season, after they've moulted, and so on. It’s still too early to say for sure if he’ll keep this exact shade. He might darken or lighten up. I’m a big fan of the charcoal-toned ones myself 😁
You shouldn't have to put your life on hold because of him; he needs to learn how to have some quiet time as well.
You should also ignore him when he gets over-excited or give him suitable toys that he can let off steam with. Kongs, which you can stuff with food, are a real hit; they keep them busy and give you a chance to have a bit of a breather. Another popular option is bully sticks, though you just need to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't swallow any large chunks when he gets to the end of the treat.
As for the nipping, there are two ways it could go. He might just grow out of it, or he might become more persistent and get increasingly worked up. If it’s the latter, you need to teach him to stop. Teach him the "NO" command, if you haven't already. This command needs to be firm and non-negotiable. If he carries on—and he will until he’s actually grasped the command—you’ll need to stop interacting with him and turn away. You might even need to give him a short time-out in another room so he can calm down before you go back to him.
A puppy is a handful, but you shouldn't let it drive you mad; you need to make sure you have some time for yourself. Teach him to settle in his bed or on his mat with his toys. It’s not healthy for a puppy to be constantly "on" and wired either. Until you both find your rhythm, there will be setbacks and moments of uncertainty for you both.
@wiegehts Being hyperactive myself, I honestly don't know how my parents managed to put up with me. My mum used to say, "Whenever it’s quiet, that’s when I start to worry." It’s true that I only really started to calm down around 19 or 20, so I do understand it in a way. Earlier on, I was having a nap next to him and my foot was itching. I was panicking at the thought of scratching it because I knew that at the slightest movement, he’d be bouncing all over the place!
Thanks everyone for your replies, especially you wiegehts. Here is the result of his nipping on my fingers. I feel like his coat colour has changed in the meantime; sometimes he looks ginger and other times more of a sooty shade.
Don’t fall into the trap of turning him into a total fitness junkie either; the more you give them, the more you create a dependency and frustration that can quickly spiral out of control if you miss "that" big daily walk, for instance. Well-managed, moderate exercise (off-lead, with other dogs, in different spots and at various times) will be far more beneficial than a routine that's too focused on pure, hard-core physical exertion. Given his age, it’s only natural that his need for activity will steadily increase until he’s fully mature.
For instance, mine aren't let off-lead in the woods every single day... only once or twice a week. Even though I tend to favour weekends, I make sure it doesn't become a set rule. On other days, we do on-lead walks along the road, or sometimes a bit of off-lead time by the water for a game of fetch—and this summer, we’ll be going for swims. Not being let off-lead for several days in a row won't cause any stress, barking, destructive behaviour, or management issues with my dogs because they haven't been conditioned to a harmful routine.
There are so many dogs out there who are completely obsessed with walks or sports because they’ve been conditioned to expect it every day at a specific time; then, if you can’t make it happen, they become an absolute nightmare to live with. I made that mistake early on with Berger (hence my point), before realising I’d made her fixated on outings and physical exercise. Since I’ve started being more tactical about how we go out, she’s much more chilled out.
At the moment, he’s young and has bags of stamina—you’ll be worn out long before he is as the months go by... Mwahahaha! 😈
Oh, a little kick to the bum during play... it’s not that uncommon, unfortunately.
Instead of rushing over and smothering him with cuddles, try to be a bit more neutral, otherwise you might end up with a bit of a sensitive soul... It’s quite common for puppies and dogs to barge into each other and take a few knocks during play, even if it looks a bit rough to you. It’s not the end of the world; it’s accidental. Next time, you’ll be more careful, and he will be too.
I’ve certainly accidentally caught a dog with my foot before (and lord knows they’re experts at getting right under your feet! When we’re coming back from a walk in the woods, they’re always the first to get in the way). If I accidentally step on a paw, I prefer to just ignore it, and next time, they tend to move out of the way a bit quicker... or not... gluttons for punishment to the very end!
Berger didn't settle down until she was about 3... during that time, she was a total live wire, always needing to burn off energy. I was living in a flat, so it was tricky to manage (off-lead walks twice a day, 20 to 30-minute sessions of play and obedience, and a proper long walk two or three times a week—it was exhausting... That’s not even counting the quick toilet breaks around the block. If I’d lived in the countryside, the routine would have been quite different).
She eventually calmed down after she hit the 3-year mark; she became more settled and less hyper indoors.
She’s approaching 9 now, so her energy levels have definitely dropped, but she’s still very active for her age.
Malinois are the type of dogs that stay incredibly high-energy well into their senior years. You’ll need to set aside plenty of time to keep him happy, without overdoing it and affecting his growth (be careful with high-impact play that could damage his joints—things like jumping or sliding around, for instance. Your puppy isn’t made of glass, but putting too much strain on those joints too early really isn't a good idea).
Max789
Your boy is gorgeous!!!!!!!! Thanks for these lovely photos!
Don't worry about the botched kickabout, it’s no big deal. You quickly made it up to him by telling him you didn't mean it; he'll get over it, so don't fret. Try a different game next time, but without aiming for his bum!
It happens to the best of us. I sometimes accidentally kick my dogs too; I go straight over to them and tell them I didn't mean it, followed by a "sorry" and a kiss, and they're fine 😉
@Wiegehts, yours is absolutely gorgeous! Thanks for the brilliant advice! Do you know at what age they start to settle down and become a bit less boisterous? I know Malinois are naturally high-energy, but I've heard they do calm down a touch eventually.
