Super clingy 'velcro' kitten

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Hi everyone.

I'm writing because I'm at my wits' end and don't know what to do with the kitten I adopted four days ago.

The kitten is lovely; I got him when he was 8 weeks old. I'd have liked to wait a bit longer, but it's difficult when you're dealing with a private seller.

He's a brilliant kitten. He's super cuddly, sleeps on me, eats and drinks well, he's litter-trained, and he doesn't use his claws when playing... BUT... it's impossible to get anything done.

If I sit on the sofa, he comes running and hops onto me. If I go upstairs, he follows. If I'm making something to eat, he climbs up my leg (ouch!)... and it's like that all day long.

I play with him for over an hour a day in 15-minute sessions. He has two cat trees, a scratching post, six balls, a laser, a butterfly/ball toy, a cat circuit... you name it.

But he won't play on his own. As soon as I move, he runs after me and lies at my feet purring. If I go to watch TV, he comes and lies on me purring. Even when I escape upstairs, he turns up two minutes later and jumps on me, tapping me and purring.

It's been like this for four days now and I was on the verge of tears earlier and I ended up snapping at him. I don't know what to do to make it stop. I'm even scared to go out because I don't want to leave him alone. I'm at a loss.

I called the vet, and they advised me to leave him alone from time to time, so I've been locking myself in a room for 15 minutes, then 30, then an hour... but nothing works.

I feel like he thinks I'm his mum. He eats, then runs back to me. He drinks, then runs back to me. He goes to the litter tray, then runs back to me again.

I know it's sweet and I love kitten cuddles, but this is just way too much.

And it makes me feel so sad. Missing his mum and his brothers and sisters must have something to do with it; I'm sure of it. I try to be there for him as much as possible, but not 24/7. It's just not doable.

How can I make him understand without shouting or upsetting him?

Thanks for any advice.

Translated from French
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7 answers
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    • C
    Capucine66 Icon representing the flag French
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    Hello! Before, he had his cat family, but now it’s just you in his life. He’s only a baby and he’s looking to you for the same sense of security his mum used to provide. Don't worry, if you just carry on as normal, like you did before he arrived, he’ll gradually settle down—especially once he realises that even when you disappear, you always come back. When you’re about to head out, pop a small cardboard box on the floor (cats absolutely love cardboard!) and make him a cosy little den with one of your old jumpers that smells of you (wear it for an hour first to make sure your scent is fresh). He’ll eventually go and have a quiet nap there while he waits for you to get home. Try to just get on with your day as well; you don't need to keep an eye on him constantly unless you hear a distressed meow because the little lad has gone and got himself stuck behind the sofa. These things happen, and don't worry, even if he’s alone, he’ll figure out how to get himself out. Just carry on with your business—if he wants to follow you around, let him, it'll only tire him out. Mind you, climbing up your trousers is a classic kitten move; they don't really tell the difference between fabric and bare skin yet. Stick to wearing an old pair of trousers for now until he grows out of it. However, if he starts nibbling your nose, tries to jump on the hob while you're cooking, or displays any other unwanted behaviour (obviously not the sweet, affectionate stuff!), keep a water spray bottle handy. Give him a quick squirt along with a firm "No".
    Translated from French
    F
    Faf3808 Icon representing the flag French
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    Thanks a lot for your message.

    It’s quite reassuring to hear other people’s experiences.

    I’m trying my best not to let him fall asleep on me because he won’t sleep unless he’s on top of me... so since I’m here, he’s decided he isn’t going to sleep at all. He’s running all over the place and playing here, there and everywhere. It’s lovely to see him playing.

    I’m not shouting at him anymore; I just give him a firm “no” to let him know he shouldn’t be doing that. It’ll sink in eventually ^^.

    And I’m heading out this afternoon to get some Feliway to see if that helps him.

    I worry about him way too much. I’m constantly checking everything he does—if he’s got enough dry food, enough water in his fountain, where he’s playing. It’s hard to ignore him (not all the time, obviously... I still play with him now and then and we have our cuddle sessions).

    I was thinking about getting another cat, but since yesterday my eyes have been watering and I’ve been coming out in a rash whenever he scratches me... I really hope I haven’t developed an allergy to these little fur babies ^^.

    Bandit sounds absolutely lovely. I hope things continue to go well for him.

    I think my third cat really traumatised me. He wasn't cuddly at all, he was always attacking us and hissing at us. He was impossible to get near. He only ever wanted to be outside and away from us. Since then, I’ve been terrified that my cat will end up the same and that I’ll be scared of him. It was unbearable. That must be why I’m so fixated on his well-being.

    Anyway, that’s about it. I’ll keep you posted on how he gets on ^^

    Have a lovely day.

    Translated from French
    M
    Mike64 Icon representing the flag French
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    Evening all, Your post really touched me and, to be honest, it sounds like you’re taking the whole thing much harder than the little guy is. Don’t worry, he’ll get over the separation, but for now, you’re his absolute lifeline and he really needs you. Just a little personal story to reassure you... I rescued a little abandoned kitten when he was only 6 weeks old, so he hadn’t finished being raised by his mum either. At first, he was a total shadow, constantly stuck to me, and whenever I wore a fleece dressing gown, he’d suckle on it while purring and kneading away... I just carried on with my life as normal, going out and about, and I’d sometimes leave my dressing gown out for him. Bandit is 3 now and he’s perfectly well-adjusted. He’s still very cuddly and he still occasionally nurses on my dressing gown like he used to, though much less often. So please don’t worry, he’ll adapt, he just needs a bit of time. Give him some balls and toys... and Feliway is a great idea.
    Translated from French
    F
    Faf3808 Icon representing the flag French
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    Thank you so much for your reply, it’s really warmed my heart.

    I think you’re right, I’m probably more stressed than the cat is! I know you aren’t making fun of me and you’re likely spot on. I just want the little fella to be so happy that I’m definitely overdoing it and practically making myself ill over him...

    It’s true that three months is ideal, but so many kittens are rehomed at two months old.

    I’m still going to pick up a Feliway diffuser to try and soothe him, and it’ll give me an excuse to get out of the house for a bit ^^.

    He’s such a cutie and so cuddly that it’s really hard to say no to him. But I know it’s for his own good. He’s like my child ^^ (well, to me anyway ^^).

    Thanks again for your message.

    Have a lovely evening.

    Translated from French
    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    You really have to force yourself to get out of the house... The kitten is perfectly safe at home. As well as cat trees, you could give them one or two bouncy balls like the ones we had as kids—they absolutely love them. After you've popped out a few times, the kitten will soon realise that you always come back, and anyway, you don't really have a choice. I can't get inside a kitten's head, but I can certainly put myself in your shoes, and I think you’re probably more worried than the kitten is—I don't mean that in an unkind way at all. This advice about kitten socialisation up until they're 3 months old is relatively recent (much like the understanding of 'tiger syndrome'), and while that is the ideal, plenty of kittens were—and still are—separated from their mums at 2 months. Most of the time, everything turns out fine. Thankfully, issues aren't always a given. So, do try to put your mind at rest and get out for a bit as soon as you can. Just be careful when you're leaving that the little one doesn't try to slip out at the same time—and keep an eye out when you're coming back in, too.
    Translated from French
    F
    Faf3808 Icon representing the flag French
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    Thanks for your replies. Just to clarify: I’m actually happy to have a cuddly, even a bit of a "velcro" cat. It’s just that I can tell he has no independence. He doesn’t play by himself. He doesn't do anything on his own. And I’m worried about him. Personally, I think it’s lovely when he sleeps on me, and I love all the cuddles. But he doesn’t seem particularly happy and that’s what’s getting to me. As for the weaning... I’m afraid that’s a no-go. Taking him back after a week... only to pick him up again 3 weeks later... not many people would agree to that. On the other hand, he doesn't use his claws and doesn't attack me. For the time being, anyway. He doesn’t try to nurse on me, so the physical weaning isn't too bad. It’s the emotional side of things that isn't quite there yet. I think I’m just very stressed about his happiness. I haven't even let myself go out for four days so I can stay with him. I need to learn to leave him be. Maybe he’ll find his independence that way. I’m just scared he’ll get bored since he doesn't play by himself. He just stares at me the moment he does anything. When I go upstairs, I don’t hear a sound. I’ve had three cats before and this has never happened to me. I think I also need to just get on with things normally and ignore him a little. And go out and leave him on his own for a bit. I just don’t want him to feel abandoned.
    Translated from French
    Blue_Cat
    Blue_cat Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there, You are his 'mum' and scolding him when he wants your attention is honestly a bad thing to do. He will think that approaching you is wrong and he'll become distressed. You could potentially leave him in a room on his own for a bit with a piece of clothing that smells of you, but don't shout; it mustn't feel like a punishment. The kitten isn't doing anything wrong; he just needs you. You are his primary bond and his sense of security. A kitten should always stay with its mother for three months, if only for the sake of proper behavioural weaning. He’s lost without you and hasn't got another cat to turn to. The best approach with this type of cat is to just go about your business as normal, while accepting his presence on you when you’re settled. I have an Oriental who is incredibly clingy; I’m so used to her sprawling all over me the second I sit down that I don’t even notice anymore. She’s become an ‘extension’ of my own body. And she’s not a kitten anymore... I do wonder if this adoption was a mistake; perhaps you aren't the type of person who can cope with such a clingy and demanding kitten. It’s a specific situation that some people find very difficult to handle, while others are perfectly fine with it.
    Translated from French

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