Overwhelming guilt and heartbreak after my cat was put to sleep...

Hi everyone,

My 11-month-old cat was put to sleep yesterday; he was our little king. He had a neurological condition that only started a month ago, and after tests and medication, there was nothing more that could be done.

He started eating less and less because he just couldn't manage it anymore. I made the decision to stop him from suffering and it’s so hard, I miss him so much. I keep finding myself breaking down in tears....

Sending strength to you all.

Thank you all for these replies, for sharing your feelings, thoughts and experiences, and for your messages trying to help me come to terms with things.

I've fully taken on board that it will take time; that said, there are plenty of other factors at play for me that I didn't mention in my first post.

For example: I didn't take the time to "tell" or "explain" to my darling cat what was going to happen and why it had to come to this. It sounds silly, but it’s an important detail psychologically.

Also, since making the decision, I feel like I haven't given her enough strokes or scratches, or carried her around in my arms enough to make the most of our time together.

And then—and I’m probably forgetting other things—the worst thing I didn’t do, and here I’m referring back to some of your messages, is that I didn't stay to be there while she was being put to sleep and for her final moments. This was because my mum told me what it was like when we had to have her sister Shana put down 10 years ago due to severe kidney failure, and because of what the vet said about the unpleasant things that could happen... but I should have stayed so my Biquette fell asleep with my face being the last thing she saw. I can never change that now, and it’s eating me up...

In any case, it does help to write down how you feel and to read messages from others who have gone through, or are going through, the same thing.

Best wishes.

Your 19-year-old girl was at the end of a long and happy life, and that’s the main thing to hold onto. You did everything a loving owner should do by helping her pass away peacefully. Of course, we all feel guilty about having to make the decision to put a pet down, but I can tell you from experience that the guilt is much worse when you don't do it in time.

In my opinion, your kitty was suffering from senility. The symptoms you’ve described remind me of the end of my 18-year-old poodle’s life; he would suddenly bark with his head in the air, his whole body would shake, and he’d pace in circles, along with all the other "joys" of a little old man’s final days. But I’m certain he wasn’t in pain, and the vet confirmed it. It was much the same for my last cat, who passed at 18, until she had a stroke, then another, and I had to help her on her final journey. She clearly wasn't suffering, but you could tell she knew something was going on with her little body and it stressed her out, so I just kept reassuring her. So, as far as I'm concerned—though I’m not a vet—your cat passed away in the best way possible, if you can put it like that. The guilt is there now, but it will fade; however, I can promise you that if you don't do the right thing and a cat dies in pain, that guilt stays with you forever.

For @Astuces72, don't wait too long to have him put to sleep before the real suffering starts, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. From the age of 8 or 10, you should ask your vet for a full check-up once a year, or even more often as they get older. It allows you to spot the start of any illness, especially if they've stopped eating.

(Hi Monique and hi docline)

I’m also in complete agreement with docline,

Deciding when it’s time to let your pet go always leaves you feeling guilty, but it’s even worse if you don’t...

In my case, I had a kitten who was ill and disabled from day one; his mum kept moving him away from the rest of the litter because she knew he wasn’t going to make it, but I just wouldn't accept that.

I’d go looking for him in the fields where his mother would leave him every night to bring him back to the litter. I bottle-fed him so he’d grow, and he made it past the three-month mark and started eating on his own; I really thought he was out of the woods.

At seven months old, he came down with an illness and died within a week. It wasn't a peaceful end because I wanted him to live so much that I couldn't see things clearly...

Choosing to have a pet put to sleep is a real act of love.

Don't beat yourself up; if you hadn't done it, things would have been much worse.

Evening,

I’m reaching out because I find myself in a very similar situation to yours. Perhaps my story might help you find a few answers...

Your post, your pain, and your questions have really touched me.

I haven't posted on here for six days; I needed a break after losing two of my 13-year-old dogs in the space of 11 months, followed by the accidental death of my seven-year-old cat... for two of them, it all happened very recently, within just six days. I’m also feeling a lot of sadness and guilt.

It’s only natural that you have all these doubts. You don’t share your life with a cat for 19 years without them becoming a proper member of the family, so it’s incredibly hard to see her go... making the decision is the hardest thing in the world, but it’s also the final act of love you could show your little girl—letting her go to a place where there’s no more pain.

My dog, Cheyenne, was also at the end of her life. She had arthritis, and even though she was eating well and still getting about (with more and more difficulty), I also hesitated for a long time about letting her go. It’s so hard to know when the right time is... looking back now, several months on, I think she was in more pain than I wanted to admit, and it was high time to end her struggle.

Your cat was eating less and less; she almost certainly had neurological issues, and the fact she was vocalising more and more suggests to me that she was in pain. Animals—especially cats—are very good at hiding their pain until the very end, when they hide away and stop eating.

So yes, you were right to end a life that was becoming too hard for her to bear.

Someone on this site recently told me that while it’s hard to overcome the void an animal leaves behind, you should tell yourself that unlike so many animals that are abandoned, mistreated, or hungry, she at least had a life full of love and attention... keep that in mind when the absence or the doubt feels heavy.

Wishing you lots of courage during this painful time.

Monique