Overwhelming guilt and heartbreak after my cat was put to sleep...

Hello, on the 4th of April 2022, I had to put my girl to sleep; she would have been 19 at the end of May. She was my baby, my sweetheart, my best friend. I was her human and she was my cat. About two and a half years ago, she started meowing day and night and jumping at door handles just like she did when she was young. I couldn’t cope anymore; we tried various medications but nothing worked, then a vet told me to stop everything. A miracle happened and she recovered. But if I gave her a bit of ham or a little mince, she’d start getting restless again. I always did my best for her. Then two years ago, she had an operation for a lump. She pulled through. Three months ago, I started treating her for hyperthyroidism. In the meantime, her back legs were getting weak and she was peeing a lot. I’d set up two litter trays for her, which I changed twice a week. Since February, she wasn't as interested in her food. And she’d meow once or twice a night. Four days before I made the decision, she started meowing again and wasn't really sleeping. I didn't have the strength left and I made the call on the way to the vet's. The day before, I took her down to the bottom of the garden four times... she’d climb back up, and I was hoping she’d tire herself out and manage to sleep. I thought a good sleep might be restorative. I didn't manage to settle her; if she did sleep, I certainly didn't hear her. The next day I left work early because I was absolutely exhausted, completely drained, and when I got home she was meowing behind the door, even though she was normally peaceful upstairs. I’d already told her how much I loved her months before, and that I’d love her forever and always. We moved house five times and she went outside until she was 11. After a few scrapes, I felt she was safer staying indoors and on the balcony. But she still went up the stairs and was always by my side. She used to blink at me every time I left for work to say goodbye, except for that day. I miss her so much; the house feels empty without her. I miss my friend, I cry almost every day and sometimes I feel her near me. I feel guilty too, for not having the strength to help her anymore. She fell asleep in my arms, with my hand under her head as she passed away. But you know, I haven't stopped crying, and I told her I was sorry and that I loved her, too. / You weren't alone; I just cried without explaining things to her. They both passed on the same day, at the same age, and were born in the same month. I share your sadness and I know how much you loved her. To have endured that crying for four years, you are very brave. Who are we to decide when it's time... I just know that I’d rather have looked after her until now, where she is safe. If reincarnation is real, I want to be there; I want to be sure that she’ll always be looked after with love.

Wishing you strength as you cope with your loss. Please try not to be too hard on yourself; you made the right decision in having them put to sleep. If it came to the point where you had to make that call, then it was truly the right time.

Yes. The overwhelming guilt, the doubt. It’s horrific. My old boy trusted me, and yet... I had to make the choice to put him to sleep. He’d stopped eating. He had abdominal effusion, and fluid around his heart and lungs. And yet, besides the fact that he wasn't eating, I didn't feel like he was in pain. He was still purring when I stroked him. He was still making it to his litter tray to do his business. But he’d lost so much weight. The vet told me there was no treatment. So, rather than watching him deteriorate any further, I made the final decision. I called out a home-visit vet; I couldn't bear the thought of putting him in his carrier. As if he were just going for a little trip. So my old boy drifted off. In my arms. Then the intracardiac injection... An incredibly painful moment. For my children and me. Now I’m just left with the guilt and the doubt.

Personally, I had to have my cat put to sleep quite a long time ago now, but I found myself in the exact situation described by @ptitemat’s vet. My girl had been hospitalised twice with fluid on her lungs. The second time, the vet told me that if she stopped eating again, we’d have to consider euthanasia. When it started happening again shortly after, I syringe-fed her for two or three days with a very thick, high-calorie supplement I’d bought. On the fourth day, when I got home, she was lying on the bathroom floor—I knew straight away it was the end. My neighbour drove me to the vet immediately and he told me she was dying. I spent years drowning in guilt. Even now, I can't think of her without tears coming to my eyes. The memories I have aren’t of the happy times we shared, but of those last few days and that look of confusion in her eyes when I was putting the syringe in her mouth. I stayed with her when she had the injection, but I’m not even sure she realised I was there during those final moments. It took me nearly a year to get another cat. While I’ll obviously do everything I can if anything happens to her, I’ll try to make the right decision, however painful, when the time comes.

Hi, I missed all your replies as I didn't get a notification. Thank you for sharing your stories, and I am so sorry, Koligane, as it seems it’s just as recent for you as it is for me. I’m also struggling with the worry that I might have done something wrong or acted too soon... I imagine that like me, you’re constantly overthinking things, crying, and perhaps feeling quite anxious. I can't really offer any advice as I’m taking it very hard myself and don't really know how to cope, so instead of being a downer, I’ll just wish you a lot of strength. Sending strength to everyone else who has lost their beloved pet recently, too. Thanks again for all your replies.

This decision is one of the hardest any of us will ever have to face in our lives... I always told myself that I’d NEVER be able to take my panther to the vet to end his life, that I could NEVER leave with him and come back with an empty carrier... But fate had other plans; he went downhill. I took him in to try and get him treated despite him being 18 years old, but there was nothing that could be done. So, I brought him back home, hoping he would pass away in his sleep, in his own home, peacefully... But the vet explained that it almost never happens like that with cats; they hang on, right until the very end... And sadly, I had to resign myself to making that awful decision... It’s a tough one, but you have to try and see it as an act of kindness and, above all, trust your instincts... A friend once told me I’d know when the time was right; I didn’t believe her, but in the end, I did... We know our companions better than anyone, so if we feel it’s time, then it is... When I took him in, the vet reassured me, saying that the worst thing is waiting those extra one or two days too long, which only leads to the animal suffering more and more until you have to make the decision in an emergency. It makes the whole ordeal even harder for the pet, for us, and for the vet... Anyway, don’t beat yourself up. Trust your decision and the fact that your companion let you know, one way or another, that it was time...

Thank you so much, really. Your message has done me a world of good.