Hello
I've just adopted a cat from a local rescue shelter.
I thought about it for a long time — months — with plenty of doubts, because:
- I grew up with cats at my parents' house and then had them when I was in a relationship. I was never particularly attached to them, but I did look after them properly.
- I currently live in a flat with no outdoor access, with my 6-year-old daughter.
As a single mum, I feel guilty about the separation from her dad, about her being an only child, and so on.
That pushed me towards thinking about getting a cat — for her.
I'd told her for a long time that we'd wait until we had a house before getting a cat. But finding a house isn't exactly straightforward. So I eventually talked myself into not waiting...
We went to the rescue on Saturday, then back on Sunday to adopt an 8-year-old female cat.
She's lovely — beautiful, calm, and affectionate. She's clean and well-behaved. She managed perfectly fine on her own yesterday (Monday). But... I've been swamped with anxiety and low mood ever since, because I know it's a mistake. We live in a fairly small flat with limited window access.
The main thing is, I'm a bit of a clean freak. I can't stand bad smells. I don't like the idea of a cat going on the beds, for instance, or even the sofa — because of the smell. And I hate having to find space in our tiny home for all the things a cat needs (toys, cat tree, etc.).
I try to reason with myself — for her sake, for my daughter's sake — but I know deep down that I won't get past this feeling. Knowing I've made a mistake, that I was irresponsible for not thinking it through more carefully.
I got this cat to make my daughter happy, to give her a companion, to ease my own guilt in a way, to give her what so many of her classmates have (a pet — even without a house or a "proper" family setup) — but sharing a small living space with a cat feels like more than I can handle. It makes me tense.
On top of that, I already feel guilty that the cat is alone for at least 10 hours a day. Everyone says it's fine — including the rescue — but deep down, I don't really believe that.
In short, I made a poor judgement call. I'm too set in my ways and too much of a clean freak to have a cat in a flat. And probably too selfish to do it for my daughter's sake.
I wanted to make her happy... and in the end, I think I've caused a lot of harm.
How long do I keep the cat out of guilt — guilt towards her, or towards my daughter?
I'm thinking about returning her to the rescue. It's making me feel awful.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Some opinions, I suppose — even if I know they might be harsh.
