I ran over my own cat

Enicia
Enicia Icon representing the flag French
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Hello everyone,

A year ago, I ran over my own cat and I still blame myself today. I'm looking for stories from people who have been through the same thing.

Pablo was adopted from a rescue centre where I volunteer; I had him for 15 years, and he was 17 on the day he died. He was such a lovely cat, a real gentle soul, so affectionate. He used to follow the kids on the way to school, and we would end up running to try and shake him off so he wouldn't get hit by a car... My neighbours, looking on in disbelief, would say 'Late for school again, then?' and I never dared admit I was actually trying to outrun the cat...

Pablo had a bad habit of darting between cars, and I lost count of how many times he nearly got run over right in front of us. But I never, ever thought it would be me who did it... I was reversing out of the garage; he'd sneaked out when I thought he was fast asleep, and he went right under the wheels. When I got out, I saw the look on my neighbours' faces—they had seen it happen. They were looking under my car, shaking their heads, and that is when I knew. I hadn't seen a thing, hadn't felt a thing... my cat was dying on the ground in a pool of blood. He wasn't dead yet, and the kids were screaming 'No, not Pablo!'... I didn't even cry at the time. I was in total shock, just repeating that it was a nightmare... that it couldn't be real. But it was. Even now, I still wonder why I had to go through such an ordeal, especially as I love animals so much...

When you lose a pet, you often feel guilty at first for having them put to sleep, but later you remember the good times. Today, when I think of Pablo, I can only think of the accident and the images of my cat covered in blood... violent images that sometimes just play on a loop in my head.

For those of you who have been in a similar situation, how did you manage to stop dwelling on it so much?

Thanks in advance for your replies.

Translated from French
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    I don’t mean to cause any offence, but I honestly can’t fathom how your neighbour could tell you to run over it again, especially doing it on purpose this time... Try not to dwell on it; I know that’s easier said than done, but try to fill your head and heart with kind deeds for animals waiting for a family and a forever home, and it’ll get a bit easier. Wishing you all the best... <3
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    Enicia
    Enicia Icon representing the flag French
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    Thank you, but unfortunately he did experience agony and suffering because he didn't die instantly... it was horrific, his organs were spilling out. A neighbour who was there, who’s also a volunteer firefighter, told us to run him over again to end his suffering, assuring me there was no hope... the truth is, I’d crushed his head, and at 17, no surgery would have been possible. He only weighed about 6.6 lbs, and given the state he was in, he seemed impossible to move... As if it wasn't hard enough, I had to run over him several times... how do you come to terms with causing so much pain to your beloved pet? Even though I know it was an accident, I can't forgive myself...
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    M
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    It’s completely understandable that those memories are staying with you, but unfortunately accidents do happen—it’s just down to bad luck, as they say. Take comfort in the fact that he had a wonderful life; 17 is a grand old age, and he was spared a long, drawn-out decline and the suffering that comes with old age. Try to focus on the lovely memories you have of him... It’s easy for me to say, perhaps, as someone who hasn't been through it, but I honestly don't know how I’d cope if I were in your shoes...

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    Enicia
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    Thank you for your message; your cat passed away peacefully of old age, which is quite rare... If you’d had him put to sleep, you’d probably have felt guilty and regretted it, thinking you should have waited longer and that you could have had a bit more time together. No matter how they go, we always feel guilty when we love our pets. I kept myself busy by volunteering at a rescue centre again to help with dog walking, and we’ve since adopted a senior dog who’d spent four years in the shelter because he was older and quite overweight. I adore him, but I still can’t get those awful moments out of my head...
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there, I haven't been through the exact same thing as you. But my cat died a few months ago from an incredibly aggressive cancer; I found him dead under my bed. I wasn't there for him. Medically speaking, I have nothing to blame myself for, but I really regret listening to the vet—I should have listened to my heart, which was telling me to have him put to sleep. It was a massive shock finding him under my bed like that, and rigor mortis had already set in. It’s a very difficult image to get out of my head. I’ve since adopted two cats (brothers) from a local rescue, and that’s helped me so much. It’s kept my mind occupied. I’m just saying all this because every time I’ve lost a pet, I’ve always had regrets, even though I’ve always given them so much love! It never happens the way you’d want it to. Wishing you lots of strength.
    Translated from French

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