A year ago, I ran over my own cat and I still blame myself today. I'm looking for stories from people who have been through the same thing.
Pablo was adopted from a rescue centre where I volunteer; I had him for 15 years, and he was 17 on the day he died. He was such a lovely cat, a real gentle soul, so affectionate. He used to follow the kids on the way to school, and we would end up running to try and shake him off so he wouldn't get hit by a car... My neighbours, looking on in disbelief, would say 'Late for school again, then?' and I never dared admit I was actually trying to outrun the cat...
Pablo had a bad habit of darting between cars, and I lost count of how many times he nearly got run over right in front of us. But I never, ever thought it would be me who did it... I was reversing out of the garage; he'd sneaked out when I thought he was fast asleep, and he went right under the wheels. When I got out, I saw the look on my neighbours' faces—they had seen it happen. They were looking under my car, shaking their heads, and that is when I knew. I hadn't seen a thing, hadn't felt a thing... my cat was dying on the ground in a pool of blood. He wasn't dead yet, and the kids were screaming 'No, not Pablo!'... I didn't even cry at the time. I was in total shock, just repeating that it was a nightmare... that it couldn't be real. But it was. Even now, I still wonder why I had to go through such an ordeal, especially as I love animals so much...
When you lose a pet, you often feel guilty at first for having them put to sleep, but later you remember the good times. Today, when I think of Pablo, I can only think of the accident and the images of my cat covered in blood... violent images that sometimes just play on a loop in my head.
For those of you who have been in a similar situation, how did you manage to stop dwelling on it so much?
Thanks in advance for your replies.
Translated from French
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Evening...
I’m inconsolable tonight, still in shock from the trauma I’ve just been through... and I have no one to talk to about it. Plus, my daughter was with me; we’d just come from the garage and we’re right in the middle of moving house, so it’s been a more than hectic day. Bella, our precious little kitty, was in her cat backpack and my little girl was carrying her on her back. In the time it took to get the car out of the garage and for me to open the door, my daughter put the bag down by the car door... she got in and closed the door. Okay, seatbelts on.... I asked if everyone was there... if we hadn’t forgotten anything, like I always do, and my little girl said... yes Mummy, we’re all set.. I asked... is Bella definitely there?? Yes Mummy!! So I started the car and began to reverse... I felt my front right wheel go over something.. I stopped immediately and just froze!! Suddenly my heart started racing and I screamed, where’s Bella...??? I started getting out of the car and so did my daughter... I heard her screaming in terror and it brought everyone nearby running... I saw our poor little kitty lying there, her body was still twitching... but it was already over... there was nothing I could do, I took her in my arms... crying and asking her to forgive me... I’ll never forgive myself... it hurts so much... I can’t stop crying.. I’m in so much pain.. and so is my family... She was our little family baby... we love her so much.. I’m hurting so much... she was so sweet.. so cuddly.. not a mean bone in her body... just pure love... We’re going to miss you.. my Bella.. we love you.. Forgive me my Bella... I’m so sorry.. Your Mummy.
Yes, all these "what-ifs" really do make life miserable... But as I said, you have to accept the idea that we can't control everything (I know the world seems to be all about "hyper-control" these days, but it's an illusion). PS: Regarding the fact you had to run over her again... I can only imagine how horrific that was... but yes, you had to put her out of her misery, given what you’ve described... as for the method, no one can judge, because no one knows what they would do in those circumstances.
Hi everyone,
I’ve just joined because I really needed to hear from others who might have been through this. Yesterday, my cat — who wasn't even a year old and was pregnant — was under the car when we left. It was absolutely pouring with rain and we didn't check under the car before driving off. I pulled away slowly, but after turning around we saw her; my son saw her first. She was twitching strangely and there was so much blood. Since then, I can't stop telling myself I should have called her because I knew she was outside. I can't sleep because I keep replaying the scene over and over. I feel so awful.
Stay strong, and please don't blame yourself. Unfortunately, they were probably hiding in the engine. Above all, try not to feel guilty; I truly understand your heartbreak and how distressed you must be.
Thanks so much
Hang in there, please don't blame yourself. Sadly, they were most likely hiding in the engine. Do try not to feel guilty; I truly understand your grief and how heart-wrenching this is for you.
Hi everyone,
I’d only had my two lovely kittens for a fortnight.
We lost our previous cat back in March – he was run over. Because I work a lot and only have the kids every other week, we thought that if we got two together, siblings, they wouldn’t feel so lonely.
So we welcomed Shipie and Simba, two beautiful tabbies – the boy is ginger and white and the girl is a grey tabby. They were adorable. This morning, heading off to work, I reversed the car out of my driveway as usual, shifted into gear and left. I felt like I’d run over something, but there are often stones or bits of wood around as my neighbour is a timber haulier, so I didn't even think to look. I got to work and my neighbour called me; she’d found both kittens run over in front of my house. I'll admit, I was in a bit of shock and didn't really take it in. It was only when I got home at 1pm and spoke to my neighbour that I realised. We replayed the whole thing – the time she found them, they were still warm, and the spot where she found them matched exactly where I felt that bump. I think they were in or under the car, and when they jumped out or fell onto the road, I ran over them 😭
I feel so incredibly guilty! When it finally clicked, I nearly fainted.
Why didn't they run away when I started the engine?
It hadn't been long, but they slept with me every night. The fact that it was me who killed them is making me feel physically sick...
I can see that this has happened to other people too. I feel a bit less alone thanks to this forum.
Years ago, we went through a similar tragedy. We’d only had him for three days. We’d adopted a tiny kitten, he was ever so small. He was always huddling by our feet when we were at the PC. One day, my husband got up from the computer, didn’t see him, and stepped on his head. I’ll spare you the details of the scene, I still get shivers just thinking about it. I called the vet but it was already too late. My husband cried his eyes out. It completely traumatised him; now, he’s always incredibly careful.
Yes, that’s it exactly, you just wish you could turn back the clock; if things had been just a few seconds different, the accident wouldn't have happened. Even now, I’m still haunted by the thought of a cat sneaking in while I'm pulling the car in.
We went through a similar tragedy a few years ago. We’d only had him for three days.
We had adopted a tiny kitten, such a little thing. He was always right under our feet whenever we were on the computer.
One day, my husband got up from his desk, didn’t see him there, and accidentally stepped on his head.
I’ll spare you the details of what happened; I still get shivers just thinking about it.
I called the vet but it was already too late. My husband cried his eyes out. It completely traumatised him, and he’s incredibly careful now.
An incredible rescue cat and a real neighbourhood mascot, known by everyone for his gentle nature. He was my children's loyal companion, following them every day on the way to school... I miss you so much.
