So, it’s been almost two weeks since I brought little Chaussette home... however, I’m feeling a bit frustrated because she isn’t cuddly at all. She’s only about ten weeks old and she never comes to sit with me; she bites me if I stroke her too much, or she meows and moves away to make it clear she doesn’t want to be touched! It’s quite strange because she purrs when I get close to her, but she won’t show any other signs of affection. The lady I got her from told me that Chaussette’s mum is exactly the same—she hates being stroked and is perfectly happy being on her own... very independent.
I was wondering then, if I have my kitten spayed as soon as possible, is there any chance she might become more affectionate? I specifically got a cat for the cuddles... that didn't quite go to plan lol.
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For now, given her age, the best way to bond with your cat is through play. Getting her spayed has plenty of benefits, though I’m not sure it’ll make her suddenly cuddly; however, as she gets older, she’ll definitely start to appreciate the quiet times and having a snuggle.
I’ve fostered some very independent kittens before (the ones who dodge cuddles because playing and exploring is way more interesting!) who turned out to be absolute lap cats as they grew up. I actually thought all kittens were like that until I met Rangoon, who is very attached to me. Mind you, the big lad wasn’t raised by his mum, but by humans who were constantly handling him, giving him scritches, fusses and loads of kisses! He definitely got a taste for it!
Just let your lovely little kitten go at her own pace. Encourage her curiosity and her hunting instincts, play with her, and talk to her softly...
Once she’s got you sussed and starts to trust you, she’ll relax and come to you more easily. But even if she comes to sleep right next to you, don’t force the strokes.
Talk to her and let her sniff you (human pheromones are mainly found behind the ears, near the lobe). Rub the back of your ear and then offer her your finger (without touching her, just keep talking to her). Let her have a good sniff; cats understand so much of their world through scent. Once she recognises your scent, she should start rubbing against you more to leave her own scent on your skin.
After that, she might not see your scent as a threat anymore and might accept a few more strokes, but take your time. Go at her pace and stop as soon as she’s had enough.
Try to avoid perfumes or deodorants when you've been sweating—like during a heatwave or after a workout—and let her sniff you before you wash or put on deodorant. She needs to get used to your natural scent and link it with your voice.
You can also give her a treat with every stroke, so she associates it with something positive!
I’ve noticed that males tend to become more affectionate after being neutered, but it hasn’t really been the case for females, who are often more independent.
Don’t force anything; if she comes over to rub against you, purrs, or starts kneading you, that’s just her way of giving you a cuddle. Plenty of cats prefer just snuggling up next to you rather than being stroked, especially long-haired cats; it must get a bit irritating for them at some point.
Your kitty is very pretty 😉
I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this little one! Give yourselves both a bit of time... two weeks is nothing when you consider a cat can live for more than 10 years!
Just take things slowly and get to know each other; time is your best ally!
As for getting her spayed, I can’t promise anything, but it definitely settles them down! And it’s the right thing to do anyway!
Hi there,
The kitten was separated from her mum too young—at 2 months old, if I’ve understood correctly. The longer a kitten stays with its mum (at least 3 months), the more it is groomed and licked by her, and the more it will appreciate being stroked by humans. This means she hasn’t been properly ‘behaviourally weaned’. Never force contact and stop stroking her the moment she shows any signs of being annoyed.
Many cats enjoy being close to their owner, feeling their body heat and hearing their affectionate voice, but they are perfectly happy without being stroked. That said, she is still very young and her behaviour may change over the coming weeks.
Just for info, I once had an aloof British Shorthair who became very affectionate the day I adopted another cat. It was as if he was copying the new one, who was always demanding cuddles. That British Shorthair stayed affectionate until he passed away. Go figure...
Yeah, I’m trying not to push her; I must admit I’m a bit of a "clinger", especially as I’m always at home at the moment writing my uni dissertation... I think she’s had enough of me lol
Thanks for sharing your experience, it’s true that a cat’s temperament isn’t something you can really control. Mind you, I’d heard and read so many articles saying they become much calmer and more affectionate after being spayed or neutered... Oh well, Chaussette and I will just have to learn how to live together and find our own balance, hehe
You can invite a cat for a stroke, but never force it on them.
Cats don’t generally like being picked up as a rule, either.
Neutering makes them less likely to roam, less likely to spray to mark their territory, and less vocal (an unspayed female is a nightmare for calling, and an unneutered male for the smell).
I don’t think it makes them any more or less affectionate, though.
I had a cat born at home—his mother was very cuddly, and he was a little male neutered quite young—but he only started looking for a fuss in his senior years, somewhere between 15 and 20 years old, if I remember rightly...
One of my girls is very skittish (she was a rescue, a sick feral kitten found 7 years ago); it took me over a year before I even dared to stroke her. Even now, if I have to move her, I have to put on my thick gardening gloves to pick her up, but she does come looking for a fuss when she’s relaxed. It just has to be her decision. I have another who wants a stroke from everyone; she’ll go and show off for passers-by on the path in front of the house to get some attention from total strangers. And the one who passed away a few months ago was super cuddly, but only with me.
When you get a kitten, it’s always a bit of a lottery in terms of their personality.
