I'm coming to you because I'm absolutely beside myself with worry.
Yesterday morning I adopted a very timid four-month-old female kitten.
I live in a one-room studio flat of about 400 sq ft, so she had the run of the main room (living room/bedroom) from the moment she arrived. She spent the entire day huddled in her carrier, watching my every move.
At 11pm I decided to go to bed — she still hadn't budged. About an hour later I woke up with that horrible sensation of having touched something with my foot. Sure enough, when I turned the light on, I saw she'd left her carrier and done a poo on my bed. I cleaned it up and tried to find her... but she was nowhere to be seen. This morning I think I heard her miaow around 6am, and since then, nothing. Several times throughout the day I've turned the whole flat upside down — checked behind, underneath, and on top of every piece of furniture, including the 4-inch gaps behind the wardrobes and kitchen units. I can't find her anywhere.
It looks like she barely touched her dry food overnight, and I'm really worried because I just can't figure out where she could have gone. I didn't go out at all, and the few seconds when I opened the shutters I'm certain she didn't slip out. Rationally, she has to be in the flat — but I simply cannot find her. I'm at a complete loss. This is my first cat and I feel utterly helpless. I'm scared she might starve herself. Will she eventually come out of her hiding spot on her own?
Translated from French
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@Amandinef,
I must admit your post made me laugh! I don't think I’ve ever seen a cat owner quite so worried about scaring their kitten. Do you even dare flush the loo? lol. You’re definitely on the right track; your patience and gentleness are key to her settling in. Within a fortnight, she’ll be sprawling all over you to sleep and hogging all the space, and you’ll find yourself missing these "difficult early days"...
Hi there! Personally, I’ve always slept on the sofa during the first few days after adopting a cat (but I live alone, so it’s easier that way). My current girl was very skittish—and she still is after three years, even if she’s made huge progress—but she came to sleep with me from the very first night, even though she’d still go and hide the moment I got up or if I was rushing around a bit.
Hi everyone,
Quick update on how things are going: last night the little one came out of her hiding spot at her usual time, around 8.30pm. This time I’d left my sofa folded up, the TV was on at its normal volume (I’d been keeping it low the last few days so as not to spook her), and the lights were turned up a bit more too.
She was a bit hesitant at first, but when she saw that I wasn't paying her any attention, she eventually ventured out to her usual spots—which means, right onto the dining table!
I acted like I hadn't seen her, but I kept up a running commentary on whatever was on the telly to see how she’d react; she didn't seem to panic at all!
After a while, I could look right at her without her freezing, and I even managed to move my legs a bit on the sofa. When it was time for bed, I managed to stand up slowly under her slightly worried gaze and move the sofa cushions without her bolting. Unfortunately, the noise of unfolding the sofa-bed did scare her off, but she was back a few seconds later and just carried on with her little nighttime routine...
Mind you, she’s still miaowing all through the night and it breaks my heart, but I can’t get near her to comfort her yet.
Still, I really feel like we’re making progress!
I’m back at work today, so I’ll be out of the house; I’m hoping she’ll use the time to get her bearings a bit more and feel like the place is truly her territory. 🙂
I hope you manage to get her to come over to you. One thing though – avoid essential oils as cats really don't like the smell. You definitely need to reassure her; maybe try some Feliway around the flat or house, and find some toys to keep her busy. Perhaps look into getting a proper pet bed for her to sleep on, too.
You need to grab her attention. There are puzzle toys where you can hide treats; that might encourage her to come out and start coming out of her shell.
I have two cats myself. I’m no expert, but I’m trying to help as best I can based on my experience with my own.
I hope you get all the support you need.
Also, make sure she always has plenty of fresh water and a clean litter tray, though I'm sure you’re already doing that. Try not to wave your hands around too much in front of her so you don't frighten her even more; just find some good toys that will catch her eye.
Bach flower remedies are also really good, either as a spray or in drops. It’s a good thing you can push back their booster jab a bit; it’ll give them some time to settle in and find their feet.
Depending on the cat and how shy they are, it can take more or less time, but clearly yours is very keen to explore her new territory, so it shouldn't take too long. You need a massive amount of patience with cats. The more you respect that, the better things will go in the long run. But no, she won't keep doing this forever. To stop her getting stressed when she sees the carrier, leave it on the floor with the door open, and put a soft cushion or a small fleece inside. She can use it as a bolt-hole and enjoy the cosy nest; that way she’ll be less scared when you need to use it to take her to the vet. If she’s still too stressed, push your appointment back. If it’s nothing urgent other than her booster jab, ask your vet if you can postpone it by a week or two. Mind you, there’s a good chance that when you get back, she’ll start all over again and you’ll have to go back to square one, but it’s far from certain—you just need to be prepared for it.
I rang the vet, and the receptionist was very understanding about my "problem" with the little one. We've booked her booster for the 22nd for now (which gives us a week), but she said if she still hasn't come out by then, we can push it back to the 1st of March. I’m really hoping she’ll be feeling a bit better by then!
She also suggested using a Feliway diffuser in the flat, but I was one step ahead and plugged it in yesterday afternoon...
We’ll see! I’ll keep you all posted on how she’s getting on 🙂
It really depends on the cat and how shy they are – it can take a bit of time, but it’s clear yours is keen to explore her new territory, so it shouldn't take too long. You need heaps of patience with cats. The more you respect their pace, the better things will go in the long run. And don't worry, she won't keep doing this forever.
To stop her getting stressed at the sight of the carrier, try leaving it out on the floor with the door open and put a soft cushion or a little fleece blanket inside. She can use it as a hideout and see it as a cosy spot; that way, she’ll be much less frightened when it’s time to take her to the vet. If she still seems far too stressed, try rescheduling the appointment. If it’s nothing urgent and just for her booster, ask your vet if you can push it back by a week or two.
Mind you, once you get back, there’s a high chance she might go back to square one, but that’s not a certainty – you just need to be prepared for it.
Hi everyone, I just wanted to give you all an update on my girl. I had to pop out a few times during the day and each time I saw she’d been out, as the litter tray had been moved and she seems to be enjoying turning the room into a beach! Just like yesterday, she came out of her hiding spot in the evening to eat and explore the living room. I had to get up for various things, which made her run back to hide, but I noticed she was taking less time to come back out again. I tried playing with her using a wand toy, but it wasn't very effective as she seems more focused on my movements than the toy itself. I think she’s still too scared of me. I also managed to get her onto the bed for five minutes because she saw my feet moving under the duvet, but she didn't stay long. She still refuses to come near me and is definitely keeping her distance. She actually went back to hide around 7 o'clock this morning. Do you think it's possible she'll just keep doing this indefinitely? I’ve got to take her to the vet next week for her booster, and I'm worried I won't be able to get her out of her hiding place by then...
That’s all brilliant news. She’s finally eaten and done her business. You’re definitely on the right track; with patience and a gentle touch, without forcing anything, you’ll see progress day by day.
