I’ve very recently lost my little girl and I’m still questioning the vet’s diagnosis. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with this diagnosis and what the prognosis was. I’ll explain without going into too much detail as I’ve already posted in the ‘General’ section and I don’t want to hog the forum...
So, my cat had stopped eating and was just sleeping all the time; the vet did a blood test which showed kidney failure, though he didn't think it was too serious – she just needed to be hospitalised to be put on a drip, and then we could bring her home... But the next day, the other vet at the practice called and the diagnosis had changed. She’d done an X-ray and found she also had pleural and thoracic effusion (fluid in the chest)... She told me there was nothing she could do because if she treated one issue, she’d be making the other one worse. The only thing she suggested was that if she started eating again, she could have some injections and I could take her home to spend one last weekend with her... We chose to let her go...
Now, I’m wondering if that ‘reprieve’ she offered could have actually led to my cat living a bit longer after all; it’s eating away at me (especially as she had started eating again). Could her kidneys not have ‘held out’ for longer than a weekend, and the same for the effusion? In hindsight, it all feels like a blur... Did that vet give up too easily?
If anyone has been through a similar diagnosis or has any knowledge on the subject, I’d really appreciate your input.
Thank you.
Translated from French
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Dear Milaly, the reason those questions didn’t occur to you is simply because you were in shock after the vet’s announcement. You reacted in the heat of the moment, with your main priority being to save your little girl from any unnecessary suffering. We’d all love to have a magic wand to turn back time and change things, but unfortunately, all we can do is keep moving forward because our natural instinct tells us to. Grief is a very complex thing that takes us through many stages, such as guilt, sadness, and anger... you have to accept that it takes time to work through it all. I had to have one of my own cats put to sleep two months ago, and even though it wasn't as sudden as it was for you, it was still incredibly hard. Even though euthanasia was undoubtedly the right decision, I also felt that same guilt and, above all, that sense of emptiness after she’d gone. Don't hesitate to send that email to the vet surgery, as I really believe it’s something that will help you move forward with your grief. And let’s be honest, they certainly didn’t have any trouble taking their fees! Rest assured, time is a great healer, even if it feels right now like the pain will never go away...
Thank you for all your support and for being so understanding. I really don't want to burden you with my struggles.
You're right, my little girl isn't coming back, but I can't shake the feeling that it was my fault; it's just so hard.
Looking back, I regret not asking certain questions that, unfortunately, just didn't occur to me at the time. I can't seem to make sense of how the diagnosis progressed anymore.
I've started drafting an email, but I’m second-guessing whether I should send it or not. I'm worried the vets won't understand my questions or what I’m trying to achieve by reaching out. I just don't know what the best thing to do is. I’m also scared that time alone won't be enough to heal this guilt. All I know is that I still feel just as awful and, above all, I know my girl isn't coming back.
Thanks again for taking the time to read my posts and for replying.
Hi Milaly. You’re not bothering me at all! It’s completely normal to need to talk things through. I really think that because everything happened so fast and you didn’t have a chance to sit back and process it all calmly, it’s only natural that you’re now overwhelmed with questions and doubts. Going from being told it’s 'nothing serious' to 'your cat is at the end of her life' is incredibly sudden and traumatic. If you don't feel comfortable asking for an appointment, then definitely send an email like you suggested. I’m sure (well, I hope!) that the vets will understand how hard it is to grieve when you have so many unanswered questions. This might sound a bit harsh, but your little girl is gone now and sadly won’t be coming back, no matter how much you torture yourself trying to find an explanation for such an unfair and painful situation... please don't hesitate to message me, I’m here to support you however I can.
Hi,
Thanks for getting back to me. I hope I’m not bothering you all too much with my posts. You’re right, of course—it’s no good me overthinking everything. I’m trying my best to accept what the vet told me; I keep playing back her last words on the phone: “She’s a cat at the end of her life...” At the time, I didn’t doubt her diagnosis for a second. I was so overwhelmed hearing that my little girl couldn't be saved, and all I cared about was making sure she wasn't suffering. It never even crossed my mind that she might be wrong.
I don't know why I’ve started questioning everything now. Maybe it’s the massive difference between the first vet being so reassuring—saying it was nothing serious and she’d be coming home—and then the next day, everything falling apart and being told there’s nothing more they can do. The shock of it is just brutal. It’s all a blur. I’m full of doubt and I can’t think straight anymore. I feel like I've let her down, and it hurts every single day.
I’ve thought about getting in touch with the vet, but I don't feel comfortable doing it. I worry she won't understand where I'm coming from or she'll think it's out of line. I did consider sending an email to both vets so I don't bother them with an appointment, just to get some clear answers about my girl's full medical condition. I don't know if it’s a good idea. Do you think that’s okay to do? I’m not sure if it’ll help, but as you said, @Coko77, I really need to stop driving myself mad with all this.
Thanks again.
I can't really give you a proper answer as I'm not familiar with this topic, but the advice I’d give is to book a consultation with your vet so you can go through your research findings with them and ask for a really detailed explanation of the decisions that were made. I sincerely hope this helps you find some peace of mind, as you really shouldn't keep tormenting yourself like this for much longer.
Good evening. Tomorrow it will be three weeks since our little girl passed away... We still miss her just as much. What I’m still struggling with is that I can no longer make sense of the diagnosis. I’ve been doing some research and found that fluid build-up can be caused by things other than the heart or kidneys. How could she give that diagnosis based just on an X-ray without running any further tests? Looking back, it also bothers me that the first vet wasn’t worried about her kidney failure. So I find myself wondering why we couldn't have tried to treat the fluid. To be honest, I don't know what to do with all this information anymore; I just can't wrap my head around the diagnosis. From an outsider's perspective, could you tell me what you think? Thank you for your help.
First of all, thank you for your messages; thank you for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts, as well as those who were first to respond. Honestly, thank you all for your kindness, it really helps to feel supported.
@Yume, I understand what you mean about your regrets regarding your cat's final moments, but at the same time, you wanted to try everything to save him, and that’s completely understandable. We want to fight for them to pull through, and unfortunately, there’s no way of knowing the outcome in advance. I’m the opposite of you—I feel guilty for not having tried anything. I keep telling myself that maybe if we’d tried, she might have lived a bit longer and been okay... but I’ll never know. I hope I was right to trust the vet. I think that in the end, no matter what decision we make, we always end up second-guessing it. It’s just so hard.
@Coko77, you’re right, I should try to remember the happy times our cats had, but I just can’t do it right now. I hope time will help.
Yume, absolutely, everyone has their own way of dealing with grief. This is just my personal take, of course. I feel that constantly replaying the final moments of a cat's life when they’ve been ill doesn’t really help you move forward. It’s such a tiny part of everything you shared with them, and I think it’s much better to remember your cat in their prime and full of health, rather than when they were poorly and at the end of their life.
Hi there, I can promise you that the guilt is overwhelming when the vet suggests putting them to sleep, but you choose to wait, and then things go downhill so fast that you have to rush them to the emergency vet to have it done anyway. It's incredibly hard when you can't stop thinking about those final days—when you could see she was suffering but still held onto hope she might pull through—instead of all the happy times you shared together. Please stop torturing yourself; the vet would have had no reason to recommend putting her to sleep if it wasn't absolutely necessary. It’s only natural that losing your cat is heartbreaking, but there’s no use imagining what might have happened if you hadn't let her go before the pain got worse.
