My partner and I adopted a little girl about two months ago. The only problem is, she's terrified of him. She started hiding more and more, and now it's impossible for him to get anywhere near her. She hides the second she hears him coming home. She slinks along the floor and leaves her food behind if she knows he's around. She just stays under the bed and won't budge. He’s put in so much effort but it's all in vain... Now, when he picks her up, she actually soils herself. I can see in her eyes how scared she is just by the sight of him, even though he’s never done anything to her... when he holds her, she's petrified and doesn't move a muscle; she just plays dead. I'm at my wits' end trying to fix things and it's honestly breaking my heart!
Has anyone ever dealt with a similar situation before?
Thanks
Translated from French
The forum content is sometimes translated from another language, and posts may concern countries with different animal laws. Do your research before making any decisions.
Since the forum is translated by AI, the translations may contain errors.
Oh, that sounds just like my cat! Except you’ve been spared the poos... She curls herself up into a ball, plays dead and, like you say, if she could sink into the floor, she would!
I give her treats sometimes and she absolutely loves them, but in those moments she’s so terrified she doesn’t even react to food.
Oh, well if he’s "imposing in his voice and the way he walks", that’ll definitely play a part...
My brother is quite stocky and a bit heavy-handed; as soon as my cat spots him, he bolts and hides, even though he’s never actually done anything to him.
And whenever he picks him up, the cat just goes into 'playing dead' mode and just lets him get on with it. When my brother comes near, he curls into a ball and flattens himself out—honestly, if he could sink into the floor, he would xD!!!
So I just try to keep them apart, or if I see him bothering the cat, I just grab my cat and tell my brother to stop his rubbish.
So yeah, I reckon that could definitely be a factor...
It’s true he’s a bit heavy-handed, but that’s just how he is in his everyday movements, not just with the cat. He’s tall and has a deep voice... maybe that’s got something to do with it? Even when he uses a real soppy voice with her, she still freaks out. I’ve been thinking about trying some Feliway spray to try and calm the atmosphere. Have any of you used it before?
That’s just the thing, there isn’t anything! I’m at home all the time. And whenever I go away for a few days, I take her with me. That’s the problem. I’m trying to find something that could have caused it... but nothing!
I know she associates the sound of keys and the loud doorbell with him arriving. I wondered if the doorbell scared her so much that she’s projected that feeling onto him. (She’s been scared of the doorbell right from the start, no matter who it is).
Yes, she's definitely scared of men. But you mentioned that things were okay to begin with and have only got worse over time, and that really isn't normal. A cat that's pooing itself is absolutely terrified. I can't say for sure what the relationship is like between your partner and your cat, but I'm certain of one thing: animals don't lie.
With my dad, she was wary but never actually scared! He gives her plenty of time and she eventually comes over to him of her own accord. But with my uncle, it’s impossible to get her anywhere near him. She just digs her claws into me. We’ve ended up concluding that she’s simply afraid of men...
We got her when she was two and a half months old. We took her in from some people who had already adopted her but didn't want her anymore... She didn't seem to be scared of her previous owner.
It was fine at first, but things have got worse over time! I thought it might be that she didn't like the environment—the flat being too small, too much noise, etc. But when my partner leaves, as soon as the door is shut, she comes running over to me. It’s as if it’s a relief for her that he’s gone.
I’ve never come across a situation like this before.
How old was she when you adopted her? It depends on how she was socialised; if she’s only ever been around women and hasn’t seen or heard a man before, it’s normal for her to be scared, but that doesn’t usually last long.
But it’s still quite strange for it to be this extreme; you can’t rule out the possibility that she’s been mistreated.
