I’ve joined this site specifically to post on this forum because I’m going round in circles and I really need some answers and support.
On 22nd March 2022, my little Mimi—who was about to celebrate her 10th birthday on the 25th—went into the clinic for a routine check-up and never came home.
It was the first time we’d been to this clinic; we wanted a second opinion because Mimi had developed some small lumps at the base of her tail over the last few months. Vet 1 treated the first lump as a sebaceous cyst and surgically removed it in October 2021.
As two or three more lumps appeared in the same spot over the following months—including one that really worried us because it was very hard—and Vet 1 said he couldn’t operate again (as there wasn’t enough skin left to close the wound) and that it was best to leave it be, we decided to see Vet 2.
Vet 2 said it could be cancerous and recommended a "minor" needle biopsy and a "quick" X-ray to find out for certain. Looking back, I don’t think I properly weighed up the risk-benefit ratio of the procedure, which was presented to me as being very routine.
I should mention that Mimi didn’t have any known health issues and seemed perfectly healthy. She was a tiny thing, weighing just under 8 lbs (3.6kg), but she was eating well, running around, playing, and was very sociable. She’d already had a few general anaesthetics at Vet 1 before (for abscesses from cat fights and such), and everything had always gone fine.
Anyway...
Translated from French
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First of all, I’m so sorry for what happened to your cat. I really feel for you! I can only imagine how hard it must be, especially when it’s so sudden... 😔
But, even though it’s easier said than done, you mustn’t blame yourself...
You did the right thing for your cat; doing nothing could have been just as tragic...
I went through the same thing a few months ago with my little girl... she passed away at the vet's... without me... I felt guilty too, but you have to realise that we always feel guilty, no matter what....
You need to give yourself time, as only time will ease the pain...
And don't hesitate to keep posting here, because it really helps to talk to people who have been through similar things!
Today is a really bad day... the guilt is overwhelming. I don't think I'll ever be able to live with it. I keep replaying the moment I had that bad feeling over and over in my head. And the moment she got into her carrier without a struggle, without a sound, so resigned. If only I’d known...
I’ve been crying day and night. It’s been three weeks and I just want to scream and bang my head against the wall. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever known. She was my favourite pet in the whole world and she’s dead because of me, even though she was perfectly healthy. I’ll never forgive myself, not until the day I die.
On top of that, I didn’t realise you could use pet funeral services directly instead of going through the vet and actually attend the cremation. I so regret not choosing that option out of respect for my baby... I can’t stop thinking about her little frozen body being piled up with a load of others for transport... I wasn’t even able to give her the send-off she deserved... We’re still waiting for the ashes at the moment.
Yes, it really helps to talk to people who understand because of the love they have for their own pets.
My lovely Cyrus was doing okay despite being ill, and I put my trust in them.
I’m the same as you; I know this is all part of the stages of grief, but even though I blame myself most of all for agreeing to the surgery, I also feel angry at those vets who don't emphasise the risks of medical procedures enough and then afterwards just say it was 'part of the risk'.
We are the ones left with the guilt of having cut their lives short.
Take care of yourselves.
From what I’ve heard from others who’ve been through this, time will ease the pain, even if it feels like we’ll never get there right now.
Hi Cloclo56,
I read your post about what you've been through. Strangely, it helps to know that we’re not alone in this... I am so sorry for the loss of your companion, Cyrus.
The guilt is even heavier because our only goal was to give them more time, and yet that’s exactly what caused them to leave us sooner...
14 is a grand old age for a dog, even if it’s never long enough for us. From what I gather, he was already unwell and you just wanted the best for him. Even if it didn't turn out the way you’d hoped, the love you had for him was clear in your decision to get him treated, no matter the cost. Of course, if only we’d known...
As for that gut feeling... A friend of mine who’s been through this many times told me it’s normal for your brain to play tricks on you like that when you’re grieving, and that she’s felt the same way often. I’m trying to tell myself it was just anxiety over the test results, and that my mind is rewriting my memories to try and rationalise the death of my little cat...
I’ve had to make the heart-breaking decision to have cats put to sleep twice before—ones who were really poorly but clung on like troopers—and yet here I am today with a sweet girl in the prime of her life and in perfect health, gone in the blink of an eye...
Once the shock wears off, the pain sets in, and it’s just indescribable...
Thanks for your messages. I’m not trying to point the finger at the vet (I asked to meet her afterwards and she seemed genuine enough). That said, I’ll never set foot in that practice again. They asked us hardly any questions during the consultation, even though they’d never seen her before. Specifically, the date of her last anaesthetic and how many she’d had in her life (since the vet mentioned herself that it’s a risk factor, why on earth didn't they ask?). At the time, I was completely unaware of the risks and I just trusted the vet, but I think if they’d had that information, they might not have suggested the surgery.
Also, unlike our first vet, who always took the time to do a mini pre-op check-up with us there—listening to her heart, asking if she’d slept well and if she was her usual self, etc., and giving the sedative in front of us—there was none of that this time. We dropped Mimi off at 8:30 am, the nurse just took her carrier, and that was that. It breaks my heart just thinking about how I left my baby with them like a common sack of potatoes...
I really feel for you, especially as I'm in the exact same boat. Everything you’ve described is exactly how I feel, and your words could have been my own.
My dog passed away following a larynx operation on 31st March, all alone in his cage in the ICU at a specialist vet hospital.
Like you, I feel so guilty for agreeing to that awful surgery, even though I just wanted him to get better.
The vets don't warn you enough about the risks.
I can't believe it either. I just wish I could turn back the clock.
Just like you, I had my doubts the night before the operation—maybe it was just nerves about the procedure. I should have listened to my gut and waited.
It feels like I'm living in a nightmare, sinking deeper every day. I feel like I'm bursting with pain inside.
Sadly, I can't really cheer you up, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
I’ve found some lovely people on this forum who have reached out to me, even though the heartbreak is still immense.
My Cyrus, just like your Mimi, had a wonderful life.
I hope you can begin to find some peace as you start your grieving process.
Good evening,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your cat, it really isn't easy at all. My first cat, Voyou, who lived to be fifteen and a half, had a similar sort of issue—a kind of cyst on his lower back near the base of his tail. My vet didn't want to operate because of his age; he might not have made it through. He explained that it looked more like a tumour that would likely just grow back nearby or somewhere else even after surgery.
I had to make a heartbreaking decision that absolutely gutted me. The vet told me it was best to let him go so he wouldn't suffer; it was either that or leave him with the cyst or tumour which could cause him a lot of pain.
I thought about it for a good few days and finally made the difficult decision to have him put to sleep. Even though he wasn't in any immediate pain, I didn't want to wait until he started to suffer.
My heart goes out to you and I'd like to offer my condolences again. Thinking of you and your cat, stay strong.
Hi there,
First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. :(
I know it’s obviously much easier said than done, but you mustn't feel guilty. You took your cat in to get them treated. If you’d done the opposite and hadn’t sought help, you would have also blamed yourself for not taking them to the vet if something had happened. It’s a vicious cycle.
As for what caused the death, I don't think the vet is at fault either. Just like with humans—and even more so, from what I've read—cats don't always cope well with anaesthesia. Every single anaesthetic, even a minor one for a simple dental descale, carries a risk; it's small, but it's there nonetheless. Unfortunately, you were just the unlucky one.
To me, your story is incredibly sad, but it’s simply down to bad luck rather than anyone’s fault. Perhaps the vet should have warned you there was a risk, but since that risk is so low, I’m sure the procedure would have gone ahead anyway.
Anyway, everyone here understands your terrible heartbreak, but please don't look for someone to blame, whether it's yourself or the vet. Again, it’s easier said than done, but you need to give yourself time to grieve.
Hi there,
I’m so sorry for your loss; I can completely understand why you’re in shock. Unfortunately, some heart conditions can’t be picked up during a routine check-up. Besides, a general anaesthetic always carries a cardiac risk, regardless of the cat’s initial health. As for whether your cat had metastatic lung cancer, only a post-mortem could have confirmed that for certain.
In the past, I took my neutered male cat—who was in great shape—in for a simple scale and polish, which the vet said had become essential. My cat never came back; his heart just gave out. The guilt is overwhelming, of course, but it’s completely misplaced. These 'accidents' aren't predictable and there really isn't anyone to blame. That said, it’s important that the vet takes the time to explain everything to you and doesn't treat the death of your cat lightly.
(Part 2)
It’ll be three weeks this Tuesday and I still can't believe it. I’m devastated. She was my little baby, my little Mimoune—the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful girl, with such a feisty personality and eyes that were almost human. We were inseparable, true soulmates; in fact, I’d known her since her very first day on earth, and she definitely chose me more than the other way around.
I miss her terribly, but above all, I’m being eaten alive by guilt, which is making it impossible for me to grieve. I’m convinced I had a bad feeling that morning and just didn't listen to my gut. She was perfectly healthy, she trusted me completely, and I basically led her to her death... I’m so angry at myself for trusting that vet, for doing this and doing that, even though I thought I was doing the right thing! All I wanted was to make sure I’d have her with me for as long as possible, and instead, the exact opposite happened.
She was my first cat of "my own"; she was there for me all through my teens and through some really tough times. I’m completely traumatised by how sudden it all was. How can you imagine dropping your pet off for a simple, routine procedure, only for them to be brought out of a fridge when you go to pick them up? I feel so guilty. I dreamed of her growing old; I thought we still had so many wonderful years ahead of us to enjoy this magical bond, and then, in a split second, her heart stops without me even getting the chance to say goodbye.
I can’t stop replaying her last few hours at home over and over in my head, as well as the moment they told me she was gone... I need answers... My brain just can't process it. Why aren't we better informed about the risks of anaesthesia? Why did nobody tell me my little cat's heart could just give out during the operation? I have a thousand questions going round in my head, and I can’t stop thinking that it was probably avoidable...
