Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I adopted a six-month-old kitten a few months ago. He's been with us for three months now, but he's still just as terrified of hands as he was on day one...
Could you please help me and give me some advice?
To help you understand the situation, here are some details about our little Oliver:
- We adopted Oliver from an animal rescue when he was about six months old. This rescue takes in and treats cats found on the street or abandoned. Oliver was found in a field when he was only about four months old. They told us he was very fearful of humans (so we knew what we were getting into), especially since a vet had come to the rescue to vaccinate and neuter him. However, the woman at the rescue assured us she could still touch him if she was patient. As for other animals (dogs or cats), he’s sociable with them, even if he’s a bit wary at first.
- When they tried to catch him at the rescue, they had to use gloves because Oliver was hissing and attacking while hiding in a corner. Once he was in his carrier, though, he was well-behaved and didn't move during the journey home.
- When he arrived at our place, Oliver didn't move, drink, eat, or even use his litter tray for three days. At night, he spent his time meowing whenever we were in our bedroom; he’d stop if we went back into the living room, but he wouldn’t let us move, or he’d start meowing again. It was very difficult for my boyfriend, who works in a hospital, and for me, as I’m doing a Master’s in Law.
We called a vet who gave us some tips (give him just one room with food, water, and a hiding place, and above all, leave him alone). He eventually started eating and using his tray—we can't fault him there, he's a very clean cat and has never had an accident. But he stayed hidden in his cat tree (a 6ft 3in tree that he seems to love, although these days he prefers a cushion I bought him).
- Generally speaking, Oliver has improved a lot. He now feels at home in the flat, wanders around, and "gets into everything" (we let him discover the place room by room once he’d relaxed a bit). At first, Oliver refused to play at all (even though I bought all sorts of toys), but now he plays, though only with a laser pointer, a feather teaser, and especially a feathered bird on a fishing rod toy that he absolutely loves. Sometimes he even sleeps with his head on it; the other day I tried to clean it, and he spent 30 minutes licking the toy all over, as if to say I’d done a rubbish job lol.
- However, regarding his progress with us, it’s quite hit-and-miss. We can walk near him now if we look elsewhere, but he stays on high alert. He often goes to hide under the desk behind the bin. He walks around keeping a constant eye on us and panics like mad when he hears keys in the hallway (even if he eventually calms down and comes out of hiding once he sees it’s us).
He refuses all contact but will let me bring my hand very slowly towards him if I have food (otherwise he panics and backs away, though he doesn't attack anymore). That said, he is getting better; before he used to hiss and attack, whereas now he just rolls up in a corner meowing when he’s scared. I’m not sure if that’s actually progress, as his long meows and seeing him trembling breaks my heart...
The worst part is that despite his vaccinations, Oliver suffers from chronic cat flu. Since we can't apply ointment ourselves, we have to go to the vet once a month, which is a whole ordeal. It takes an hour to catch him, despite all the sneaky techniques we’ve tried. Last time, he even broke a claw trying to get away while I was in tears watching him cry out and my boyfriend was at his wits' end.
- To help him relax, we have a Feliway diffuser and he takes Zylkene every day with his wet food. It’s true that he now agrees to sleep near us and is relaxing more (he’s even starting to get into a bit of mischief, which I see as a win because before he was totally listless).
But it's so frustrating not being able to touch him. Even setting that aside (I accept I have to be patient and I never force him; sometimes I try to move my hand closer, but if I see him back away, I just leave so he knows he’s the one in control), just for the vet visits, I wish we could pick him up without him getting hurt or crying!
I should mention that once he’s at the vet's, he’s perfectly sweet and lets them stroke him (he even seems to like it!). But once we’re home, he’s fearful again. The vet says it’s a good sign, but if he trusts her and sees she isn’t hurting him, why doesn't he trust us at home??
Do you have any advice for me, please? I don’t know if just waiting without ever touching him is the right thing to do, as I’m afraid things will always stay like this. But I’m also afraid that forcing him might traumatise him...
My vet suggested shutting him in a large crate (like a big dog crate) with his litter and bowls for a week so that he eventually seeks out contact himself, but I’m hesitant. I’m worried he’ll regress because he won’t understand why he's locked up.
In your opinion, should I keep being patient (and forget about my desire to stroke this cute little cat for now) or should I try to force things a little?"
