My husband and I have just moved house. Our cat used to have a garden and would spend the nights hunting and the days sleeping inside.
We did everything we could to find a flat with a garden but had no luck. We moved into a larger, quiet flat with a big terrace that overlooks some wooded gardens.
Since we started preparing for the move, we've been using Feliway for our two-and-a-half-year-old neutered male. We're using it in the new flat too.
For the last three nights, we haven't slept a wink. He's howling his head off like a madman. His caterwauling would drive anyone insane. He's desperate to get onto the terrace.
I let him go out there. The following evening was the same. Then yesterday morning, he jumped from the first floor onto the downstairs neighbour's wall. He went off to do his own thing along the walls. When he wanted to come back, he couldn't, obviously. My husband had to get a ladder and wade through the brambles behind a grocery shop to get him back.
We've bought him toys, some catnip, and a harness – I even took him for a walk in the woods. He absolutely loved it, actually. He also has some wooden wall-mounted cat furniture.
We asked the vet for some sedatives. The medication that was supposed to be long-lasting only just got us through the night, and he started howling again every three hours. Still, at least we managed a bit of sleep.
This morning... my husband opened the terrace door again. And he jumped off again. Except this time, we won't be back home until 4pm today.
He's become IMPOSSIBLE to live with. I'm starting to wonder if he's even happy. We do absolutely everything for him, but I'm reaching breaking point. I've got some serious medical treatment coming up soon and I need some rest, but I'm getting none at all.
Do you have any advice? Do you think we should rehome him with responsible people who have a garden?
My husband and I are really struggling with all of this and we're miserable. Our relationship with our cat is at an all-time low.
Thanks for reading.
Translated from French
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RE: I really wasn't trying to judge you... I was simply trying to put myself in your shoes and suggest that you try to stay patient with each other as a couple. I imagine you’re both feeling very worried and upset, and he must already feel guilty enough as it is. There was no hidden meaning or judgment in my message.
As for the rest, the advice from Kalou is spot on.
Thanks for your reply. My husband did actually open the door twice for the cat as a test, and he bolted right before his eyes.
Another time, he left the door open saying there was nothing to worry about, but unfortunately, the cat got out again.
My husband is devastated. It’s his cat, originally. I’m not looking for someone to blame; no one is at fault, it’s just the situation. I’m just stating the facts.
I didn’t expect to be judged on my marriage or the way I express myself... I didn’t think that was what this forum was for.
I only mentioned my husband’s forgetfulness because I wanted to highlight that the cat didn't struggle to get away. He just took advantage of the situation at the time.
If the door hadn't been open at that exact moment, he might still be here. I don’t think he would’ve tried to scratch at the door or anything to get out; he was already starting to settle and was crying less at night. He even tried to come back when he saw us that same evening.
I’m just trying to explain his behaviour to understand why he isn't coming back, because I’m at a loss.
As I see it, it was a case of my husband being forgetful or not paying enough attention, AND the cat wanted to come back that same evening. But then he snubbed my husband three times. I thought it was just our cat's way of showing he could outwit us and that he was having a bit of a sulk. I thought he’d come home after that...
Anyway. Thanks again and have a good weekend.
Hi there,
I see you haven't had any replies to your last post yet, but I must admit I feel a bit helpless hearing your story.
First of all, I'm so sorry for what's happening to you. Please try not to blame each other for this; you mention your husband and his "forgetfulness" quite a lot... but it doesn't help anyone, and it’s just your grief making you look for someone to blame.
You can't get inside a cat's head... something clearly upset him; maybe he felt cornered, or perhaps he's found another house where he's being fed... let's hope so, anyway.
Is your old home far away? Some cats are capable of travelling quite a few miles... you never know!
It is true, though, that a cat used to having his freedom really struggles to lose it.
It sounds like you've taken the right steps: checking with local vets and rescues. If you haven't already, perhaps you could post a photo on the local "lost and found" pet pages for your area and print some flyers with his photo, name, and your contact details to put up in local shops. Contact any local charities that feed stray colonies too; they might recognise him.
Lastly, is he microchipped? If he is, make sure your contact details are up to date on the database so they can let you know if he's found.
Beyond that, I suppose you’re just in that difficult position of having to wait and hope.
One thing though—if you do manage to get him back, do think about a way to let him go outside, otherwise he’ll just do the same thing again. This cat clearly needs his freedom of movement...
Best of luck, and please keep us posted.
Evening everyone, I'm back again.
My husband managed to get the cat back, but he wasn't being careful enough once again and the cat jumped back out.
In the evening, we found him on the wall as usual. We were actually just in the middle of arranging to have a ramp installed.
Our cat, Jamie, was trying to get back to us. Instead of going to get him, my husband lowered a basket down to him on a rope. It was quite wobbly, and Jamie had no idea what he was supposed to do. He tried to get back up via the wall instead.
I ended up telling my husband off and told him to just go and get him. When he went over, Jamie ran away as soon as he saw my husband. Then, when my husband walked away, he’d come back. This happened three times until my husband just gave up.
Then the cat gave me a look and wandered off.
It’s been a week and two days now since we last saw him. We’ve been to every house in the neighbourhood. We’ve posted on social media and contacted the vets, the RSPCA, and local rescue centres, but nothing.
We’re out almost every night calling for him. We see other cats sometimes, but never him. We’ve left some dry food and one of my husband’s socks on the wall, but it’s no use.
We’re absolutely desperate. We’ve only just moved here and it’s a new town. We’re worried sick.
He probably doesn’t want to come back because we weren't letting him go outside yet...
Does anyone have any advice? At first, I wasn’t too scared as I thought he was just sulking and would come back like he did the other times.
Have you thought about cat-proofing your terrace with some special netting so he can go out there whenever he likes? It would be a good start as the call of the wild is very strong, and at least being in the fresh air might be enough for him. I used to have outdoor cats too, and when we went on holiday to a flat it always went really well; the balcony was enough for them and they settled in fine.
We’ll give it a go. But knowing him, he’ll still be howling his head off. I don’t think it’ll be enough. We’ll just have to see.
I'm not sure what your terrace overlooks, but if your downstairs neighbours and the management company are okay with it, the best thing would be to find a way for him to climb back up... A cat that's been used to the outdoors is almost impossible to keep strictly inside... he'll always find a way to slip out... coming home with bags of shopping, a guest, the gas man, or even an open window... the best thing is for him to explore his new territory, but for that to work, he needs to be able to get back into your flat...
The terrace is on the first floor and overlooks the garden below, as well as several other gardens separated by low walls. We've tried talking to the neighbours downstairs to ask if we could put up a ramp, but they haven't got back to us yet. They're probably traumatised by the meowing they've had to listen to for the last three nights.
Have you thought about cat-proofing your balcony with some special netting so he can pop out whenever he likes? It would be a great start, as the call of the wild is very strong, and just being able to get some fresh air might be enough for him. I’ve had outdoor cats in the past, and when we stayed in a flat on holiday, they were perfectly fine; the balcony was plenty for them, and they settled in well.
Your story is certainly a tough one; it’s clear you really love the little fella, but you have to look after yourself too... I know what it's like going through intensive treatment, and you MUST think of yourself and your health as well.
It seems like this cat is really struggling with being kept indoors. By the way, has he been neutered? (It is mating season, after all). Maybe he’ll manage to find his way back on his own—cats can be quite surprising sometimes—especially since you aren't in a position to go out looking for him all day at the moment...
Also, I’m not sure what your flat is like or which floor you’re on, but some cats are perfectly capable of coming and going through the main building door and finding their way back up the stairs to their own front door...
Maybe that’s worth a try?
Finally, if things are getting too difficult for both you and the cat—and I don’t usually suggest this—it might be for the best to find him a new family where he can have access to the outdoors. Then, perhaps you could look for a kitten that hasn’t experienced the outside world yet... You need to focus on your own health right now, and you’re going to need some peace and quiet.
I’m not sure what your terrace looks out onto, but if your downstairs neighbours and the management company are okay with it, the best thing would be to find some kind of system so he can climb back up...
It’s almost impossible to keep a cat strictly indoors once they’re used to being outside... they’ll always manage to slip out... coming home with your hands full of shopping, a guest visiting, the gas man popping round, or just an open window...
The best thing is for him to explore his new territory, but for that to work, he needs to be able to get back into your place....
