I adopted a 6-month-old kitten three weeks ago now.
For the first few days, he hid behind the sofa and only came out at night while I was sleeping.
After a few days, he seemed to gain a bit of confidence; most of the time when I get back from work he’s hiding, but he comes out within barely 2 minutes (it’s the same when I have friends over, he comes out quite quickly).
Generally speaking, he just does his own thing when he sees me sitting on the sofa or lying in bed. However, I can see he’s still very wary whenever I move a leg or make a bit of noise, and as soon as I move anywhere near him, he backs away towards the back of the sofa—though he doesn't necessarily hide if he sees I'm not heading directly for him.
I can easily play with him and hand-feed him (only the things he absolutely loves, otherwise he’s not interested), but stroking him is absolutely out of the question. If I try to move my hand towards him gently while he's eating, he jumps, then carries on eating.
Last night he came over to me, sniffed my hand and then swiped at me with his paw...? (I’d just put some treats down on the floor for him).
So my question is, what should I do to encourage him to accept being stroked? Should I just keep playing with him regularly and hand-feeding him? (It’s only been three weeks after all). Or is there something specific I should be doing to build his trust?
Thanks,
Best regards, Pierre
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Hi, I’m going through the exact same thing with a stray kitty I rescued three months ago. There has been some progress despite everything; she sleeps on the armchair next to the bed, plays in the same room as us, and will sit on the sofa when we’re there. However, she still goes and hides the second we stand up or get near her, and she’ll even hiss if we come face-to-face in the hallway or on the stairs. She still won't accept any strokes—or very, very rarely when she’s lying down—and it’s still impossible to approach her! She’s started making little meows occasionally, which is brand new. Sometimes I think she’ll always be unapproachable and that it’s a lost cause, and other times I tell myself it’ll just take time, a lot of time, for her to trust us—if it ever happens! Having a "long-distance relationship" feels very difficult and frustrating. But three months isn't long and, what’s more, the poor little thing had to change environments on Saturday because we’ve moved for two months. I won't even go into getting her into the cat carrier—it was incredibly stressful and really tests your nerves! Anyway... she’s being well and truly pampered and we’ll give her time, plenty of time; it’s the best gift we can give her.
Hi Riper,
I’ve just read through all your messages... I feel like I could have written them myself, especially since I also named my kitten Loki! He’s nearly 5 months old now and I adopted him on the 23rd of December. What a coincidence...
Same question as Meremichelle: a year on, how is your relationship with your cat going? Can we hope for some affection and strokes, or do we just have to resign ourselves to a more distant bond? Thanks in advance for your reply!
Honestly, it’s tough staying positive every day; I’m mainly trying to focus on the progress he's making.
As for the meowing, I’m not going to worry too much about it. I’m just trying to work out what he wants (that was the first time I’ve actually heard him meow!).
Point taken about the flat; he does actually come out of his own accord when I’m there (unless I’m too close), but I’ll still keep an eye on his hiding spots. Thanks.
Hi there,
It’s lovely of you to come back with an update, and it’s great that you’re in such a positive mindset seeing the progress your little guy is making. You’ve got to keep at it; things don't just click overnight. At least you’re building a real bond through play, which is brilliant.
As for the meowing, I’ve no idea! ^^ I’d say it’s an invitation to play, but it really depends on when he’s doing it. Some cats are just much more talkative than others: my cat meows at random times—sometimes in the morning to wake me up, during the day to tell me all about her life (to get my attention, I suppose), to tell me off when I’m emptying the dishwasher, when she’s going for a poo, etc. ^^ It takes time and observation to figure out what a meow means ;)
Otherwise, I think you can gradually start giving him access to the rest of the flat now, unless he’s still too shy to come out when you’re there, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. Just be careful of any hiding spots where a kitten might tuck himself away and get stuck, but other than that, it should be fine (if it’s just under a bit of furniture, it's not a big deal).
I’d like to give you all an update on my cat and ask a couple of questions.
Last Thursday marked three months since I adopted Loki. Overall, there’s been a slight improvement in his reactions; he lets me get a little bit closer before running away, though he still bolts every time. That said, depending on where he is in the room, he doesn’t always head straight for behind the sofa anymore.
As for playtime, we do it every day and he’s usually really into it. Sometimes he takes a bit of time to get going, but I always end up getting him to jump and run all over the place. I’ve tried to get him to come a bit closer to my hands or feet through play, but no luck so far—he takes great care to avoid any contact.
I’m still giving him wet food in the evening too, but I’ve stopped trying to stroke him while he’s eating because I can see that just moving my hand towards him scares him (on the plus side, it’s been three weeks since he last hissed before his meal \o/).
I have two main questions. For the last few days, he’s started meowing at slightly random times. Last night it was just after his evening "mad half-hour" (he always seems to get the zoomies just as I’m going to bed—I get the impression he waits until I’m actually in bed to go wild, even though I play with him right before sleep). It’s a meow that sounds a bit like a moan or a whimper; how should I interpret that?
Also, following some advice, I’ve kept his territory restricted to just the living room. He doesn’t seem particularly desperate to leave, but after three months, I’m thinking it might be time to give him the run of the house. I’m just a bit worried he’ll find other hiding spots that are much harder to reach. What do you think?
This little fella is caught in a conflict between his instincts and his desires. As a result, he’s acting up a bit at the moment (the lunging and hissing). It’s perfectly normal, rest assured, and nothing is set in stone.
As for hand-feeding, start by placing the food on the floor for him; he’s not quite ready to eat from your hand just yet. A semi-feral cat can be a bit slow on the uptake, so you’ll need to keep doing this for a few weeks. After that, try putting your hand on the floor and letting him eat from it. Once we reach that point without any aggression, we can think about the next steps.
Regarding stroking him while he eats—he’s showing you that it’s still too early for that. Don’t push it for now.
Keeping consistent play and meal times is excellent; cats are creatures of habit, and what you’re doing will help de-stress him in the long run.
If you haven’t got one already, find him a "wrestle" toy (a plushie that he can’t rip bits off, which you can make more appealing with some catnip spray or a Kong Kickeroo toy). He’s still young and needs to have a bit of a scrap, not to mention the stress he’s going through. It’s better he vents his frustration on the toy rather than your hands. This toy shouldn't be left out all the time; you can offer it once or twice a day, or give it to him if he looks like he's about to have a go at you.
I’ll also give you a very useful tip for nervous cats: the "slow blink". Never stare a cat in the eyes (it’s a sign of a challenge and imminent aggression), but if you catch his eye, blink slowly several times in a row, and finish by keeping your eyes closed for 2 to 3 seconds. It’s a feline sign of non-aggression. If he looks away, that’s a good sign; if he blinks back, that’s even better.
Six weeks is a long time, I know. But don't worry, this is only the start of your journey with this cat. If you keep following the advice given by the other forum members and myself, it can only lead to a positive result :)
Thanks for the replies, I definitely won't give up! :)
I'm already giving him treats after playtime, but it’s all a bit hit and miss. Sometimes he's happy to eat them from my hand, other times I put them on the floor and he’ll eat them there, and sometimes he’s just not bothered at all (maybe he’s not hungry). However, when it comes to hand-feeding, he often doesn’t eat them straight away and prefers to go for my hand instead (I don’t think it’s a proper attack, but I still get a swipe with his claws). The first time it happened, I was a bit startled and dropped the food, which he then ate. What should I do if it happens again? Should I just let him?
Hi again everyone, just a quick update. I’m carrying on with the regular play sessions (I’ve set up fixed times for playing and meals). He’s still scared and bolts whenever I get close, but he plays with loads of energy which is a relief. On the other hand, trying to stroke him while he’s eating is a struggle; he jumps every single time I move my hand near him, so I’ve stopped doing that. What I don’t get though is that last time he actually hissed at me while I was just bringing him his food... he’d already done it once before when I was picking up his empty bowl, followed by a swipe at my leg. I also read that I should let him approach me first, so now and then when I see he’s in a curious mood, I offer him my hand. I don’t understand his reaction though; he doesn't sniff it (he used to at the start), but he tries to swipe at it (sometimes he hesitates before thinking better of it and walking away). Does anyone have an explanation for this behaviour? I suspect he might never be a real lap cat and that’s perfectly fine, but right now he won't let me stroke him at all, I can't even touch him... He's 7 months old and I’ve had him for a month and a week now.
Hi there,
Thanks for the update. It’s good that you can see he's making progress! You just need to keep doing what you’re doing and let the little guy go at his own pace.
He isn't sniffing your hand anymore simply because he knows your scent now. My cat only ever sniffs my hands when they smell like food (and then he licks them if they’re a bit greasy... you should give it a go, haha!).
As for the hissing, I reckon it’s just down to fear. Just make sure you’re clearly in his line of sight when you’re getting his bowl ready, so he associates you with being the "food provider".
It's brilliant that he’s playing; definitely keep that up. Why not try giving him a little treat after playtime to help reinforce that bond you’re building?
Above all, don't lose heart! :)
Hi again everyone,
Quick update.
I'm carrying on with the regular play sessions (I've set up fixed times for play and meals). He's still scared and bolts when I get near, but he plays with plenty of enthusiasm, which is a good sign.
On the other hand, trying to give him a stroke during mealtimes is a struggle; he flinches every single time I move my hand towards him, so I've given up on that for now. What I don't get is that the last time, he actually hissed at me just for bringing his food over... He'd done it once before when I was picking up his empty bowl, and that time it was followed by an attack on my leg.
I've also read that you should let them approach you first. Every so often, when I can see he's in a curious mood, I'll hold my hand out, but I don't understand his reaction. He doesn't sniff it (he used to at the beginning) but instead bats at it with his paws (sometimes he hesitates before doing it, then changes his mind and walks away). Does anyone have an explanation for this behaviour?
I suspect he might never be a lap cat, and that's absolutely fine, but right now he won't accept any affection at all, not even a quick touch, nothing... He's 7 months old and I've had him for a month and a week.
