We've adopted a feral kitten who is about 3 and a half months old.
She used to come and eat dry food at a friend's window; our friend already has a cat. The two animals got on really well, but our friend couldn't take in another pet.
We brought her home 10 days ago and moved her into our flat.
(Our friend's partner caught her against her will and put her in a proper pet carrier.)
For the first three days: we decided to leave her quietly in the kitchen, but she squeezed into a hole in the wall behind the fitted units. It took us ages to move her to another room because she never came out and wouldn't eat or drink.
It was really stressful for her, but she's in the living room now and is eating very well.
We called a vet who told us to bring her in quickly to check her over and get her vaccinated... which we did, a few days later.
Complete disaster – the vet couldn't do anything because she was too wild. No check-up, no vaccinations, nothing. She bit, hissed, and ran all over the place.
Poor thing, it was just more stress for her...
So now, she hides under our sofa bed whenever we're around and only comes out when we're at work or asleep – and then she goes wild. But she hangs around by the window all night (either because she wants to get out or because the radiator is warm).
And she mews for hours until she's coughing...
She's been using the litter tray for three days now. Huge progress! No more peeing on the furniture.
Our question is: how can we get her used to us so that she comes out when we're there?
Are there any dos and don'ts to help her settle in and, most importantly, be happy?
Her meowing is heartbreaking...
At the moment, we're just letting her get used to things without rushing her or trying to touch her.
Thanks in advance for your help.
Amanda and Greg
Translated from French
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Hi there,
Don’t panic, it’s not a lost cause. They say you have until they're about 7 months old to socialise them. I caught three that were living in the woods (the mum had been dumped there and she’d given birth in the wild...).
It wasn't easy with the two kittens; they were already 7 months old by the time I managed to trap them.
Playing helped the young female the most, but with the male, it took 8 months before things improved. He wouldn't let us get near him and stayed hidden in an unreachable corner. He wouldn't even leave the room he was in.
Eventually, we moved house, and what helped him trust us most was finally being able to see our other cats. We noticed he was intrigued seeing them have a cuddle with us. So, he started mimicking them, acting all casual as he approached us to get an "accidental" stroke.
So, if you have other cats, I’d suggest using them to show the little one that you mean no harm. Otherwise, well, patience—you’ll have to give him (lots of?) time. He needs to get settled into his new surroundings first.
Then, small gestures like a few treats or a blanket in a cardboard box can help him feel cosy.
Personally, I gave him a treat every time he let me stroke his forehead.
For vet visits, we used to borrow a crush cage from the vet to put him straight into. We’d take it back afterwards. Of course, that only really worked for giving him his jabs, not for a proper check-up, but he was so feral that we didn’t have any other choice.
You're right, a cat's background before adoption definitely explains their behaviour and personality. I've always thought our little girl had been mistreated by people, given how terrified she was at the start. It was more than just fear. I didn't mention the vet in my message, but it was unthinkable to take her there when just picking her up put her in a state of total shock and made her bolt. By gradually lifting her off the floor (no more than 8 inches or so) and giving her a kiss, we managed to get her to panic less. Three weeks ago, she wasn't well, so we decided to take the plunge and booked an appointment. Our stomachs were in knots because being in her carrier terrified her so much, and her meowing at the vet’s was heartbreaking... He managed to microchip her, but she had a temperature so she couldn't have her jabs (next appointment in 2 weeks). When we got back, she hid under the stairs all afternoon and stayed wary for at least a fortnight. We caught her by surprise the first time; it'll likely be trickier in March. While we couldn't get to the vet, we wormed her every three months and kept up with flea treatments. Like your kitty, she doesn't play (we've tried everything, nothing works). She comes onto our bed from time to time, settling between us to groom herself. It lasts about 10-15 minutes and then she’s off. But if we try to stroke her, she leaves the bed. We hoped that she'd eventually become more affectionate, but no. If I sit on the floor, she comes over, but stays about 3 feet away... she is so lovely, though.
@Manda & @Greg, you have plenty of time to watch her progress bit by bit.
A cat's personality and their history before they start to come around also matter a lot, regardless of their age.
Every cat being tamed is unique.
My two "ferals", who were already fully grown, have come a long way—one faster than the other, but with different results in the end. The wildest one, who couldn't stand anyone coming near, any movement towards him, and especially being touched, now sleeps on my bed and settles down next to me as soon as I sit down to read, demanding a fuss... (Ti'cha).
The other one must have known humans before, as he was quick to accept head strokes, but he doesn't go upstairs and never plays.
It also took months for them to feel comfortable in the house, even though they were completely free to come and go as they pleased through the cat flap.
On the other hand, the vet needs to be warned and know how to handle this kind of cat, otherwise the appointment will end badly. I had that experience with the very same vet who had neutered him but didn't take it into account. A total sweetheart at home, but a tiger at the clinic. I’ve since changed vets.
However, a few kittens born in domestic homes but with no direct contact before they were two months old—whom I kept—behaved normally at the vet's, even if they would vanish whenever strangers were in the house. Barring exceptions or mistreatment, being around humans, even from a distance, is a real plus for the future.
Hello,
The key word is patience, patience, and more patience...
Two years ago we moved into a house in the heart of the countryside, and the previous owner told us he’d been feeding a little female cat, about 9 or 10 months old, who was completely feral and unapproachable. As soon as we moved in, she turned up, skin and bone and absolutely starving, so we fed her outside, keeping our distance so she could eat without any stress. She didn't make a sound, was constantly on edge, and would just eat and bolt... Within a week, she let my husband get close and give her a stroke or two while she ate, but only him. Then, after a month, I was able to do the same. It took four months for her to agree to eat in the kitchen and lie in a cat bed for a few hours a day... nine months before we heard her voice (she’s been a real chatterbox ever since!)... and another four months for her to decide to sleep inside at night... She had a litter tray available in a quiet, peaceful spot that she never even looked at, let alone went near... until one day, out of the blue, she decided to use it (I’d spent a month getting up at the first meow so she could go out to do her business, as we couldn't fit a cat flap).
Two years on, she lives with us, but she's still very, very skittish (she runs to hide under the stairs as soon as any visitors arrive), doesn't like too much contact (a few strokes, but nothing more), and refuses to be picked up or sit on our laps—she just gets stressed and panics, even after two years. That said, she does seek out our company, though always from a "safe" distance of about a metre; she rubs against us, chats away, chirps, and purrs a lot... In short, we've tamed each other, with plenty of patience... Our girl was already an adult and we managed it, so with a much younger one, it should take less time... Good luck, it really is worth it.
Thanks for your reply. She’s not an Angora. She’s a tabby tortoiseshell. The idea with the branch is quite good. We’ve tried fishing rod toys but she’s scared of them. So, why not try something from outside instead? Let’s just say she’s not really in the mood for playing at the moment. As soon as we get near, she bolts to another hiding place. She’s under the bed all the time and I can’t get to her. Sometimes she’s behind the curtain, but as soon as we approach, she scoots back under the bed. Is it true that you shouldn't look at them? Thanks! 😊
In my socialisation room, I actually propped up the foot of the bed with a chair so the cat couldn't stay out of reach... but that bed wasn't being used, of course.
You need to stay at her level when you're trying to get close; that’s why sitting on the floor is so effective. She needs to get used to eating right next to you. Talk to her and don’t make any sudden or fast movements; it’s the same with the "stick", move it very slowly (there are catkins on some trees at the moment, which are great fun for them).
Try to touch her gently with that wand.
It’s true that as long as a cat is unsocialised, they are scared of eye contact. But once they’re settled, they usually look you right in the eye and "talk" to you 😉
I’ve got a tortie myself, Cassie, but she was never feral (I’ve put a little summary on her page).
When a cat is long-haired, they have to be brushed for their whole lives to avoid matting, so it’s just as well for you that she’s short-haired. 👌
First play, then touching, then strokes, then purring... it’ll come, you just have to stay patient.
Liza
The branch idea is a good shout. We've tried fishing rod toys but she's scared of them.
So why not try something from outside?
Let’s just say she’s not really in the mood for playing at the moment. As soon as we get close, she bolts to another hiding spot.
She’s under the bed all the time and we can’t get to her. Sometimes she’s behind the curtain, but as soon as we approach, she darts back under the bed.
Hi there,
I’ve tamed quite a few feral kittens, and since I have a spare room in my house, I turned it into a little "socialisation room". 👌 It was definitely needed after I had one escape behind a partition wall in the kitchen, through the gap where the sink pipes go...
So, give it about a week to get her used to you and to being touched (it usually happens quite quickly). Since yours is settled in the living room, it’s not a problem—just sit on the floor during meal times and talk to her a lot. As for games, a little twig with a leaf on the end works wonders; once she’s following it with her eyes, slowly bring it closer to you. Do this as often as possible. During this period, don’t leave food out for her to help herself; this motivates her to come to you for her meals.
Cats love sitting on your legs when they're stretched out, which is a good way to get her used to being touched on her tummy (once she’s happy being stroked).
I think it was a bit too early for the vet; she needs to have accepted you as her "mum" first.
Getting her used to being handled by you is very important because if she stays semi-feral, you’ll have nothing but trouble in the future. She isn't a long-haired breed, is she?
If she were only 2 months old, you’d have plenty of time, but at 3 and a half months, you need to socialise her urgently (by spending as much time with her as possible, like I mentioned above).
Liza
Evening,
If the kitten really is only three months old, it’s definitely not a lost cause.
Two rules:
- patience
- never rush the cat
In other words, just let him do his own thing for as long as it takes. Don’t try to stroke him or pick him up. He needs to get used to you and his new surroundings first.
The fact he’s using the litter tray is already a great start. Whatever you do, don’t change anything (don’t move the tray or change the type of litter).
To help her get used to you: keep giving her plenty of space, but go about your normal business in the same room.
Don’t hesitate to give her some wet food to help build a bit of a bond. You could also try playing with her, using a bit of string or something similar.
It’s going to take a lot of perseverance, but you'll get there.
As for the meowing, it’s almost certainly due to stress and being in a new place. You could try a plug-in diffuser like Feliway, though it’s not always a guaranteed fix.
Hope those few ideas help!
