Adopting a very nervous cat - what should I do?

N
Nardill Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone 😋

I'm 22 and I've grown up around cats (five in total) since I was born.

I went along to a local rescue centre and immediately fell for this little black and white cat. He's 18 months old and nobody seemed to want him. He was originally found as a stray and spent a year in the shelter before I adopted him. At the start, he was kept with the ferals, but over time he moved into the 'rehomable' section.

At the shelter, it was impossible to get near him, of course. He'd bolt and hiss if you got within a metre of him.

I had a think about it and went back to get him a week later (we had a right job getting him into the carrier).

Once we got home, it was really tough. Obviously, I couldn't get anywhere near him; he was hiding in some really dodgy little spots. He even came down with a bit of cat flu because of the stress (which was sorted out quickly). On the plus side, there were no issues with the litter tray, eating, or grooming. I was quite discouraged at first because I was basically living with a ghost.

Now, seven weeks on, Felix has a hiding place in an open cupboard. He stays in there while I'm around and waits until I've gone to work or bed (he knows my routine off by heart) before coming out.

Basically, at night he roams the flat and has a whale of a time with his toys and anything else he finds. He's eating, drinking, and using his tray perfectly (even if he does have the annoying habit of peeing on the sofa whenever a guest sits there, as if to say 'this living room is mine'). During the day, he comes out as soon as I leave for work.

However, there's been no progress with socialising. He gives a little hiss (out of fear) whenever I try to get near him, even if I'm being gentle and offering treats. He slinks past me with his belly to the floor to go and hide in the mornings; he does everything he can to stay out of sight. If he could melt into the walls, he would. He won't even sit in his bed (inside the cupboard)—he hides underneath it so I can't see him. When I get up and he's in the living room, he always retreats as far back as possible and just stares at me until he plucks up the courage to dash back to his cupboard.

I feed him in the evening before I go to bed; maybe I should switch to the morning to encourage him to come to me for food?

Feliway and Zylkene don't seem to be doing much. He never meows and doesn't seem to have any other problems.

To be honest, he doesn't seem unhappy, but I'm really worried I'll never be able to get close to him or pet him. If that's the case, maybe he'd be happier in a home with outdoor access?

Thanks in advance :)

Best wishes

Translated from French
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8 answers
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    • A
    Anocat Icon representing the flag French
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    Hello, I'm posting this in case anyone comes across this thread with similar questions.


    We adopted a cat from a local rescue a year ago. I was warned that she didn't accept any company — human or animal — but I wasn't too worried, as I've always been very comfortable around animals.

    Here's how that year unfolded:

    The first few weeks were really tough, for both of us. She'd hide in every corner, slink along the floor with her belly low, and we couldn't be in the same space without her panicking.
    After about a month, she found her spot — under the bed. After 4 months, I changed my bed frame and she had to find somewhere new. That was partly intentional on my part; I wanted her to settle somewhere she could actually see me. During those 4–5 months, she'd roam about, but we were still very much in a difficult cohabitation — impossible to get near her, she'd bolt the moment I came within about 10 feet.


    She eventually claimed the sofa as her own, which I could no longer use because she'd flee the moment I got close.
    All in all, a full year passed, and I had to take her to the vet to get her claws trimmed. Getting her into the carrier was impossible, so I had to use a sedative prescribed by the vet. It relaxed her to the point where I was able to touch her for the very first time — after a whole year. I'll admit I took the opportunity to give her a few strokes.
    That said, I wasn't entirely happy that our first real moment of contact happened while she wasn't fully aware of it, so I gave it some time and tried to edge a little closer each day.

    In the end, after more than a year, I managed to stroke her for the first time without the sedative — a few weeks after that vet visit. She must have held onto something from that moment and perhaps finally realised that trusting a human was actually possible.

    Since then, the first approach is still a little tricky, but once contact is made, she loves it and comes back for more.

    I honestly didn't think it would happen. I'd resigned myself to the idea that I'd never be able to get close to her and that we'd just "coexist" like that until the end. But with a great deal of patience — and I really do mean a great deal — we're finally building a bond of trust and sharing some genuinely tender moments together.

    Don't give up. It can take a long time. Some cats are deeply traumatised, and when we take them in from a rescue, we rarely know what they've been through. In the end, she turned out to be a cat full of love, just waiting for the chance to trust someone again.
    Be patient.

    Translated from French
    J
    Juju24 Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi everyone, as I’m in the same boat now, I was wondering if things have improved for you all over the last year?

    Thanks in advance

    Translated from French
    G
    Gust Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m in the same boat. We took in a brother and sister pair, and I still can’t touch them even though it’s been three months now. I think it’s still far too early, though. At night when we go to bed, they come out and even get on the bed to play, so that’s something at least. During the day, they don’t hesitate to come out of their hiding spots to eat and use the litter tray, but as soon as we move, they bolt. If we get too close with our hands, they start hissing. It’s definitely frustrating, but I guess it’s just a matter of patience.
    Translated from French
    G
    Goumette Icon representing the flag French
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    Evening @nardill, I thought I'd share a bit of my own experience. I've always been very close to my cats too. Back in late October, I caught a feral cat I'd been feeding but could never get near. I wanted to get her surgery for a badly damaged eye and then socialise her so we could find her a good, loving home, as we aren't able to keep her ourselves! She’s been with us for over 3 months now. For the first three weeks, we didn't see her at all, and she was in a lot of pain after her op. We monitored her from a distance, just making sure she was eating... Eventually, she started coming out of her hiding place and exploring the house. She’d hiss the moment she saw us and run to hide, belly to the floor. Gradually, she started playing in front of us—though still hissing and even swiping at us if we tried to get close! Then she started staying in the same room as us, though she’d still bolt at the slightest movement. After that, she began sitting on the arm of the sofa while we were on it. Then, she started sitting right on the sofa next to us. One Sunday, a couple of weeks ago, she looked at me and gave a little meow, then another. It was the first time! I was honestly so moved. Now, after an unexpected house move (getting her into the carrier was a total nightmare... THE STRESS!), she’s still unapproachable but she’s more settled, even if she is still very skittish! She sleeps at the foot of the bed while we’re there and comes into the hall when she hears us come home, or has a great time with her toys in front of us. She's starting to gain confidence, very, very slowly, but at any sudden noise or movement, she runs for cover—though she comes straight back out to keep an eye on us. We’ve seen a real improvement. We’ve stopped trying to get close or pet her... because she still hisses and can lash out, so we're just hoping that one day she’ll come to us on her own terms. Socialising her is going to be a long process and it’ll take heaps of patience. We're staying realistic though—it’s possible she might never be fully comfortable with people or let anyone stroke her. She’ll likely always be a very timid thing! So, she’s finally starting to accept our presence after more than 3 months! Be patient and don't get discouraged. I’ve thought "it's a lost cause" more than once! And yet, the progress is definitely there!
    Translated from French
    C
    Chloe_vers Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there! I’m replying because two years ago I adopted a kitten who was just a few months old and living on the streets; a friend found her and gave her to me. She was very skittish, and we have a dog, so that didn't exactly help things! You’re going to need plenty of patience :) It’s only now, two years on, that she’s started accepting proper strokes and even gives us cuddles, which she never did before. She’s still wary of people she doesn’t know, but it just goes to show—it took us a good two years! :)
    Translated from French
    Blue_Cat
    Blue_cat Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi,

    I can definitely confirm that a cat needs to have access to food 24/7. Not doing so exposes them to 'food anxiety', which will only stress them out further and make socialisation even more difficult.

    Translated from French
    M
    Mike64 Icon representing the flag French
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    The link shared by @Sofrak should give you plenty of advice...

    This cat was apparently very feral to start with... he’s obviously never been near a human before, so there's a fair bit of work to do. You're going to need heaps of patience, definitely months. To answer your last question, I think if he had access to the outdoors, you'd never see him again, he's so terrified of people...

    Look at the little "changes" @Sofrak mentions, and they are there – he's feeling more and more secure, he's picked a spot that's his ultimate safe haven... the cupboard. He’s comfortable in your flat, he's playing, he's eating...

    Cats are territorial; their environment is what matters most to him. He’s still really quite scared of you... but he’s getting used to things a little more every day.

    Use your voice, play with him, and get down to his level as much as possible (see @Sofrak's link) rather than just trying to bribe him with food. And regarding food, leave dry food out 24/7 and give him wet food morning and night.

    Translated from French
    S
    Sofrak Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there, I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I adopted two shy female cats from the RSPCA just over two weeks ago and it's been the same for me—it's really hard to get near them, even though we're making progress bit by bit. I actually posted about this as well to get some advice from other members, here's the link: https://wamiz.com/chats/forum/chats-craintifs-que-faire-104927.html Maybe you'll find some answers there 😉
    Translated from French

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