My Jack Russell is making my life a living hell

A
Analine13 Icon representing the flag French
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Good evening,

I'm writing this today because I'm at my wits' end. My Jack Russell is 6 years old and he's making my life a living hell. This has been going on for about 4 years now.

When he was a puppy, he was really lovely, well-behaved and cuddly... He didn't get into as much mischief as some other Jack Russells I know. We had a very close bond; he was my little ray of sunshine (and he still is!).

Four years ago, I had some health problems that lasted for 3 years. At the start of those issues, my dog's behaviour hadn't changed, so I don't really know if it's linked or not.

It started with a growl one evening when I touched his food bowl; he didn't like it and was quite threatening. I told him off, but that was just the beginning. Bit by bit, it got worse until he started attacking me (very often). He would chase me to bite me, and I'd have to lock myself in a room to "escape" him. I know it sounds ridiculous when you say it like that, but he must have sensed my fear. I've been bitten many times; I have scars on my legs and I even had my finger sliced open, which needed stitches.

I've done everything to try and understand him; I've taken him to several vets and seen a behaviourist, but nothing helped and it's just got worse.

Despite everything, I've always been patient and I've NEVER thought about getting rid of him, even though my family and friends told me he was dangerous and that I needed to (and still need to) let him go, for my own sake but also for his. My relationship is very strained; my partner didn't want the dog anymore after he bit me right in front of him.

Our old neighbours complained about his howling; we got a note when we first moved in and then nothing. I thought it had passed, that it was just a phase at the start. In the end, the residents' association received complaints. So, I made the decision to move rather than leave my dog, because we could have stayed in that building, but only without him. To be honest, I even thought the neighbours were exaggerating because I'd never heard my Jack make noises like that.

So, we moved into a new flat, and my dog seemed more content and, above all, more relaxed. No barking, no complaints. We've been in this flat for 3 months and I finally realised this weekend that he was howling his head off whenever we weren't there. Just to be sure, I'd even closed the windows—we're on the top floor. I could hear him howling even when I was outside the building. I've felt sick about it ever since; I don't dare go out for fear of him disturbing the neighbours. I go to work with a knot in my stomach. We're happy here, the neighbours are very quiet and I'm so scared of bothering them since we're new.

(I'll post the rest in the comments)

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73 answers
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  • Bobkat
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    Is it just you he goes for?

    When you leave him with someone else, does he not attack the people he’s staying with? Does your partner get bitten too? How is he with him?

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    Kikaah
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    https://www.apbc.org.uk/

    You can look for a behaviourist through here.

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    Gabyn
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    I agree with Docline and Kikaah. You sound like you’re completely overwhelmed. This has been going on for years, so it’s going to be a tough job; you’ll have to go back to basics and do the work every single day. You’ve used a behaviourist before—were you happy with them? If so, have you given them a call to explain everything that’s going on right now? It’s a massive undertaking. Once the behaviourist has observed you, they’ll "correct" your approach and then it’s down to you to put it into practice. It’s exhausting because you have to be on it constantly, all the time, every day, even if you have to repeat yourself ten times a day for weeks on end. You need the same attitude, the same commands, and total consistency. Then the behaviourist can come back after a week, see the progress, and make further adjustments. Dogs are very clever; they understand exactly what we want from them, and they’re also smart enough to know exactly who they’re dealing with... I had a real handful of a dog a year ago too—incredibly stubborn. I called in professional help because after three months I was at my wits' end. Walks were an absolute nightmare. I told myself: either I suffer through this for another ten years because I’ve adopted him and need to take responsibility, or he’ll be the death of me... We worked on it for six months. At first, I was a bit half-hearted because I was shattered from work and the daily grind, but since that wasn't really working, I finally got stuck in every single day, all the time, both at home and on walks. Things are much better now. I’m still on my toes every day, but it’s night and day compared to a year ago, or even six months ago—he’s come on leaps and bounds. I understand that you don't want to rehome him, but I get the impression you’re living in constant fear and stress. I think you’re going to end up resenting your dog. Please, get some help again. Otherwise, find him a good new owner—but you must be honest with them about what’s wrong. They’ll need to be active to give him a good run-around and be firm enough to restart his training from scratch or hire a behaviourist themselves. But no crates, no medication.
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    A
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    I'm actually scared of rehoming him for two reasons (not to mention the fact that I don't want to); if I'm honest about his temperament, specifically the fact that he bites etc, I'm worried he'll be put down (I don't really know how it works, but that’s just what I’ve heard). But then if I don't say anything and he attacks someone, that would be just as bad. I think the reason I've been able to "put up" with the situation for the last four years is because I tell myself that I chose to adopt him and I have to take responsibility for that. Every time my friends and family tell me to get rid of him, I say that if he were my child, I wouldn't just get rid of him even if he hit or shouted at people. To me, it's the same with dogs. That's what's driving me mad, actually—having that mindset but feeling like I'm at a complete dead end.
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    Kikaah
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    Mind you, knowing his temperament, he shouldn't be rehomed with just anyone...

    Book an appointment with a behaviourist who can do home visits.

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    Docline
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    Nobody wins in this situation, least of all the dog.

    My take is that if you haven't been able to find the right professional to help you, you'll need to rehome him for everyone's sake, with an owner who knows exactly how to handle him.

    Translated from French
    A
    Analine13 Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m back on here because I can’t sleep. I wanted to tell you what happened just now; I lost my cool and I feel terrible about it.

    I’ve got an important appointment tomorrow and I managed to find someone to look after my Jack Russell so he wouldn’t be left on his own. He’d had an accident and rolled in it, so I gave him a bath tonight around 11pm—partly for our sake, but also for the person sitting him tomorrow. I didn't want them having to deal with a smelly, dirty dog. He’d literally just got out of the bath when he went and did a poo and then lay right in the middle of it. I honestly just saw red and gave him the biggest telling-off ever. It was all over the living room; I had to shut him in the hallway while I cleaned up. He’d even got it all over the walls. I shouted at him so much, and now I feel so guilty. You all told me that losing my temper isn't the way to handle it, but I just snapped. I feel bad about everything. I’m cross with myself for letting things get this far and for not doing anything before it all spiralled out of control. I feel like it’s my fault we’re in this mess because of my own negligence—if I’d maybe paid more attention to his needs, we’d have a "normal" relationship.

    I’ve just been reading a thread that’s almost identical to my situation, and the person who posted it was called a "terrible owner" in the comments. She was practically accused of animal cruelty. I have to admit, I was really scared of being judged when I posted this, but then again, maybe I am a bad owner too, if that’s what people thought of her?

    Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for taking the time to reply, thanks everyone.

    Translated from French
    A
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    Good evening and thank you all for your messages and helpful advice. I’m sorry for only just replying now; it’s been a really difficult weekend. He’s been constantly misbehaving, and the "attacks" haven't stopped either. My partner wants us to get rid of my little dog. He’s had enough, but it’s easier for him to say—he’s my dog. It’s making me feel physically sick; I’m doing everything in my power to be able to keep him and fix things, because I know perfectly well that the problem is partly down to me too. All I want is to learn how to do better and improve our daily life. It’s been about 6 months since my partner stopped wanting him around (since the first time he bit me in front of him). He even gave me an ultimatum, to be honest: it was either him or the dog. I chose my dog, even though I love my partner to bits. He decided to stay because he didn't want to lose me. But now, it’s just too much for him. The line was crossed a long time ago, but he’s clearly at breaking point now (and I can only understand that since I’m feeling the same way). I don’t know what to do anymore; my nightmare is coming true and I feel completely helpless. He’s telling me that either I find him a good home where he’ll be okay, or he’ll deal with it himself by taking him just anywhere... Honestly, I don’t even know what else to say. To me, my dog is a proper member of the family. He bites me, so it’s MY problem because he’s MY dog. I find it so unfair, especially since he’s never bitten anyone else. The decision should be mine to make. I told you before that I’ve sometimes thought about rehoming him and felt guilty about it, but I’ve lived with this situation for so long that I could have carried on for a long time; despite what I said, I could never have actually gone through with it. But now it seems inevitable. I’m going to do everything I can to sort things out, but it feels like a lost cause. It’s making me ill... I don’t even know if I need advice or anything else. What on earth do you do in a situation like this??
    Translated from French
    ?
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    Oh god, looking back at my typos makes me cringe, sorry! ^^ Haha, I must be going blind then! Don't worry about it though! I make plenty myself, and sometimes autocorrect just makes things even worse!
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    Jean-Yves
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    Oh my god, looking back at my typos is making my eyes bleed, sorry! ^^
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