My Jack Russell is making my life a living hell

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Analine13 Icon representing the flag French
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Good evening,

I'm writing this today because I'm at my wits' end. My Jack Russell is 6 years old and he's making my life a living hell. This has been going on for about 4 years now.

When he was a puppy, he was really lovely, well-behaved and cuddly... He didn't get into as much mischief as some other Jack Russells I know. We had a very close bond; he was my little ray of sunshine (and he still is!).

Four years ago, I had some health problems that lasted for 3 years. At the start of those issues, my dog's behaviour hadn't changed, so I don't really know if it's linked or not.

It started with a growl one evening when I touched his food bowl; he didn't like it and was quite threatening. I told him off, but that was just the beginning. Bit by bit, it got worse until he started attacking me (very often). He would chase me to bite me, and I'd have to lock myself in a room to "escape" him. I know it sounds ridiculous when you say it like that, but he must have sensed my fear. I've been bitten many times; I have scars on my legs and I even had my finger sliced open, which needed stitches.

I've done everything to try and understand him; I've taken him to several vets and seen a behaviourist, but nothing helped and it's just got worse.

Despite everything, I've always been patient and I've NEVER thought about getting rid of him, even though my family and friends told me he was dangerous and that I needed to (and still need to) let him go, for my own sake but also for his. My relationship is very strained; my partner didn't want the dog anymore after he bit me right in front of him.

Our old neighbours complained about his howling; we got a note when we first moved in and then nothing. I thought it had passed, that it was just a phase at the start. In the end, the residents' association received complaints. So, I made the decision to move rather than leave my dog, because we could have stayed in that building, but only without him. To be honest, I even thought the neighbours were exaggerating because I'd never heard my Jack make noises like that.

So, we moved into a new flat, and my dog seemed more content and, above all, more relaxed. No barking, no complaints. We've been in this flat for 3 months and I finally realised this weekend that he was howling his head off whenever we weren't there. Just to be sure, I'd even closed the windows—we're on the top floor. I could hear him howling even when I was outside the building. I've felt sick about it ever since; I don't dare go out for fear of him disturbing the neighbours. I go to work with a knot in my stomach. We're happy here, the neighbours are very quiet and I'm so scared of bothering them since we're new.

(I'll post the rest in the comments)

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    Docline Icon representing the flag French
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    What about putting him in a foster home or a reputable boarding kennel for a while, just to give yourself a bit of a breather and get a reliable outside perspective on his behaviour later on??

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    Kikaah
    Kikaah Icon representing the flag French
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    Look, I don't know what to tell you. It's not possible to find a solution right here, right now, and fix the problem at the snap of a finger. Follow the vet's advice and have him neutered; at least that’ll be done. And see a behaviourist to help you—make sure your partner is there too so they understand that even if it takes time, if you roll up your sleeves, things can change. Your emotional state won't be helping the dog trust you. You were advised to leave the dog with a pet sitter for a bit so that you can get some rest and get off on the right foot again. Now, you've got to get a move on!
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    A
    Analine13 Icon representing the flag French
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    I’ve been staying with my mum for a few days because she’s a huge support and really helps me out. She also thinks I should get rid of him, but she isn’t putting any pressure on me and is doing her best to help me find a solution that will make me happy. I don’t know what to do anymore; tell the truth and be told there’s nothing that can be done because he’s a dangerous dog, or lie and downplay things only to be told I’m not taking responsibility for my dog... I have to head back home on Friday and my partner has told me that if I come back with my dog, he’s moving out. I’ve done everything I can to improve things so I could keep him—I even moved house, like I mentioned at the very start of my post. I don’t want to lose my partner, but it hurts that he’s reacted this way. I feel like no one understands me and that I’m the only one who truly loves my Jack and is prepared to keep him despite everything...
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    A
    Analine13 Icon representing the flag French
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    Evening everyone, I'm back to give you all an update on how we're doing.

    Things haven't really changed. I'm having a lot of trouble coming to terms with the situation and mentally, it's been really tough. I'm off work at the moment; my GP has signed me off with "depression". I've never been depressed before, but I know full well that the way I'm feeling is down to all of this.

    I've taken my dog to see two different vets and contacted I don't know how many rescue centres for advice. Both vets recommended neutering and seeing a behaviourist, while making it clear that it would be a very long process. However, I can't wait any longer; everything is falling apart.

    As for the animal charities, what can I say... I've always donated to animal rescues since I started working years ago, but I am so disappointed. I've been judged and treated like absolute dirt. I NEVER said once that I wanted to abandon him, just that I wanted to find solutions, but I was told that because of my dog's age and since I've had him from a puppy, I should just deal with it. I also got told things like "you've got a dog, so just get on with it," "nobody wants Jack Russells anymore, no one adopts them," and so on. The RSPCA told me I was breaking the law because my dog had bitten me and I hadn't reported it to the vet; but I never hid the situation, I just didn't know I had to sign a form or whatever. NO ONE wants to help me (except for the two vets who at least took the time to give me some advice). The charities just don't want to listen. With the very first one I called, I started explaining the whole situation and the woman just hung up on me. Honestly, I'm completely disgusted and at my wits' end.

    The only person (and I mean the only one) who listened to me from start to finish and tried to give me some advice was the manager of one rescue (out of about ten I called!) and he told me that, in any case, behaviourists wouldn't be able to do anything for my dog anymore and that the last (and only) option was euthanasia. That is ABSOLUTELY OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! I wouldn't have him put down for anything in the world, unless it was truly necessary because he was suffering... I'd be prepared to find him a new home if that really was THE only way to put an end to all this and make sure he's happy, but that's it.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    My name's Paul. I had the same issues with my dog, King. King used to bark and whine all the time for no reason. I couldn't even take him for a walk because he wouldn't stop jumping up and nipping at passers-by. He would destroy everything he came across. Then I met Caroline, a dog trainer, and thanks to the advice in her book "How to train your dog in just 15 minutes a day", I can honestly say that King has become amazingly well-behaved and follows my commands to the letter. I'm over the moon with King now. Get the book at https://bit.ly/2miAyup

    Instead of posting your ridiculous drivel on this thread, clear off and leave the forum!

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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Yes, Lorna’s right. Analine, you’re at the end of your tether at the moment and just can’t seem to break out of this vicious cycle. Do look into the idea of residential training to help you get back on your feet and make a fresh start. I also think it’s the best solution for the time being. Once you’re free from this daily nightmare, you’ll be in a much better position to get some rest and think things through properly... best wishes.
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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Good summary, Emma 👍

    I’m also stunned by what I’m reading in this thread.

    If I ever noticed the slightest bit of aggression (whether from my own dog or one of my fosters) without understanding the cause, I’d be at my trainer's the very next day!

    It’s hard to understand how a situation can escalate like this over 4 years, and as things stand, it’s clear that the dog needs to leave the house, at least temporarily (hence my suggestion of residential training), if only to give the owner a chance to recover...

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    Emma1975
    Emma1975 Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi analine, I’ve just read through the whole thread. I’m both appalled by what the three of you are going through (the pooch and the two of you) and also very sorry. I get the impression that you’re (understandably, given what you’re dealing with) on the verge of throwing in the towel... because you feel like you’ll never get there. That said, from what I’ve read, I don't get the feeling yet that you’ve moved into "action mode: time for a change"... (which doesn’t mean you don’t care, but I feel like you’re just enduring it, cleaning up, trying to adapt... but that’s about it for now). I think you’re feeling lost, and the pressure from your boyfriend is only rushing radical decisions. But when I read your posts, I get the feeling that: You seem to want a very "intense" bond with your dog. "I need to hold him in my arms, to cuddle him"... It’s tempting... even with a big 93lb dog, believe me... But a dog isn’t a soft toy. Give your bloke more cuddles and your dog fewer, that might turn the tide a bit! :-) (advice from a dog owner and a wife!). It’s not about punishment, but wanting to keep "cuddling" a dog that’s growling at you and biting – I have to admit, I don’t understand that. I hope the behaviourist gets back to you and comes to meet you... because there’s clearly a breakdown in the relationship between the two of you (you and your pup). It’s just getting worse over time... but maybe it’s not completely irreversible. All the Jacks I know aren’t little cute flat-dogs content with a walk on a lead... they are high-energy live wires... otherwise, they definitely turn into gremlins...!! I hear what you're saying about his joint issues, but I honestly think your dog isn't burning enough energy, and maybe isn't spending enough time outdoors. Regarding the house-training, I’ll re-read your posts, but has he always done this or has it been a gradual build-up? About the howling when you're out... probably separation anxiety... Reading all this, it’s as if there’s a process of escalation in his behavioural reactions. You probably need to set some priorities for solving your problems: 1. The biting/growling reactions: when/why/finding a way to fix it. 2. The toilet accidents and the fact he rolls in it: this seems like a reaction to frustration... it’s likely that for years you’ve let him get away with almost anything, never really set boundaries... a bit like a big spoilt baby... 3. The howling when you're out: a more classic issue that can perhaps wait... let your neighbours know you’re getting help, apologise in advance, and be extra nice to them in the meantime... Has the behaviourist called you back?
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    @Analine, you should know that some behaviourists offer a 'board and train' option; I think it could be a way to get a fresh start with your dog. You leave him with the trainer for several days (or even weeks) while they carry out a full assessment and work on the basics. Afterwards, they’ll be able to explain the causes of this vicious cycle and how to reintroduce your dog into the home without falling back into old habits, by building on the foundations laid during his stay. Which area are you in?
    Oh no, I’d written a post but I can’t find it now; I must have made a mistake when sending it. I live in Montpellier. I was asking in my message if the local animal shelter has a good reputation? I imagine they’re probably overflowing with dogs (if I really can’t find any other solution). I know the one in Montpellier doesn't have very good reviews. I had no idea residential training even existed! That’s brilliant news! The only thing is the cost—I’m not sure if I can afford it. I’ll have to check the prices, but I imagine it’ll be quite pricey.

    The one I know isn't expensive at all, but it's in Brittany...

    Checking out the pros in your area might have been worth a shot, to see if you could find a dedicated trainer willing to help you out. But you're at the point where you can't even think straight anymore. You need to put him in boarding, at least temporarily, just so you can get some of your energy back.

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    A
    Analine13 Icon representing the flag French
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    Anyway, thank you so much to everyone for your help—just being able to talk about it helps more than you know. If we do end up having to part ways (I’m trying not to think about it, even though I think it’s bound to happen), I want you to know your words have really helped and I’m seeing things in a different light now. I won’t lie, I’ve spent all day in tears because, despite everything, he is and always will be my little dog, but knowing that I'm being understood is a real comfort. I’ve done everything I can for him to try and keep him. When I say I’ve tried everything, I mean within my own means, including all the mistakes that come with that. I’ve definitely done things wrong, but for four years I’ve done everything in my power to make sure he’s okay. I’ve lost count of how much I've spent. Even just in terms of hygiene—every week I buy six rolls of kitchen roll and I’m often out of it before the week is up. It’s the same with the disinfectant wipes; I go through over a pack a week just to clean the floor before I can even get the mop out. That’s not even counting the sitting, as he can’t be left on his own; luckily his 'sitter' only charges me about £8 a day. Then there are the dog beds, because every time he has a clean or new bed, he just pees and poos in it. Anyway, I’ll leave it there and head back to bed. Tomorrow is another day.
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