I’m having a bit of a problem so I’m looking for some help.
I’ve got a one-and-a-half-year-old GSD who is extremely well-trained. He listens to my every word, hardly ever misbehaves, and is really social with people, but there’s a slight snag. He hasn't let me stroke him for the last three days.
I’m the pack leader and he knows it. He’s 100% obedient, and when he does something wrong and I "punish" him, he doesn't grumble. I’ve never hit him, not even a smack on the bum, so no, he isn't scared of me. I can even touch him when we're playing—we often have a bit of a rough and tumble where he mouths a jacket I use specifically for that; I push him, he chases me and vice versa. But as soon as I say the word "cuddle" and try to stroke him, it’s impossible—he shows his teeth. This happened once before about a month ago; it lasted five days and then everything went back to normal on its own. But I just don't understand this behaviour. I don't bother him when he’s eating or sleeping. With other people, whether they're strangers, family, or friends, he doesn't mind at all—they can stroke him without any issues. He actually loves a fuss and is really gentle; even if they say the word "cuddle", there's no problem. I’d really appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on this, please.
Thanks!
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Evening,
Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh.
The start of your post paints a picture of a dog/human relationship based on power dynamics. You might not see it that way, but if that's the case, why try to justify things by mentioning how obedient your dog is? What’s that got to do with them enjoying a stroke or a fuss from you?
I hope you don’t think that just because your dog "jumps to it" the moment you speak, as you put it, they’re automatically going to understand or enjoy your affection?
The concept of wellbeing or pleasure has absolutely nothing to do with obedience.
My dogs don't jump at my every command, and I couldn't be happier about it. It’s a choice I’ve made for our relationship: giving them some autonomy, letting them consent and think for themselves, which allows me to actually have a dialogue with them.
My girl wasn't tactile or cuddly at all at first, but now she’s the complete opposite. Why? Because I took the time to listen to her, to ask if she actually wanted a fuss, to find the kind of stroke she enjoyed, and gradually we gained ground. I expanded the scritches to her whole body, recognising when she was making an effort with spots she isn't keen on, and giving her plenty of praise... anyway.
Why do you want to stroke your dog? Looking at their reaction, it might be more about what you want than what they want...
He only stays in his room when we go to bed and everyone’s settled; otherwise, he has his bed in there but there’s one in the garden too, and he can go into his room whenever he likes. So if it’s too hot in the summer or too cold in the winter, he can pop in there whenever he needs to. We only keep the door shut at night.
Yes, I totally agree with your second point, but why for eighteen months did he always see it as a bonding moment and something enjoyable, and then for the last month, not at all?
Maybe he is testing me, I don’t know. There’s quite a bit of noise where I live, so the first time he growled at me while I was stroking him, I was on my phone and I genuinely thought it was the sound of a motorbike idling or a scooter nearby, I’ve no idea. Then he barked quite aggressively—not that he actually bit me—but since he’s never done that before, I wasn't expecting it at all. I pulled my hand away quickly and took a step or two back, and he was still baring his teeth. I said “it’s okay, it’s okay” softly, and to redirect his attention, I followed up with “shall we play?” and he stopped growling. He went to get his ball and I played with him straight away to try and brush the whole thing off as nothing, then I tried again about an hour later. I wondered if I’d accidentally hurt him, but as soon as I moved my hand towards him, his ears went back and the growling was back again.
Hmm, Kainate makes a point further up about affectionate moments. It’s hard to give you an opinion just like that from behind a screen without knowing your daily routine together.
But you say that in the evening he’s in a separate room. So basically, during the day he’s either in the garden or with you at work—where I imagine he’s just lying down quietly—then you have the interaction of the walk and playtime, and after that he’s in his own room?
Stroking isn't fundamentally natural for a dog. They get used to it and learn to enjoy it because they associate it with our emotional state as humans when we give them a fuss. It’s possible your dog hasn’t registered this gesture as a bonding moment with you. And as it’s not rare for dogs to react like this when they don’t understand something, it’s a possibility.
He’s also at an age where his adult personality is gradually starting to come through. During this transition, many things they accepted as puppies are no longer tolerated.
It’s a tricky and unusual issue because normally having a fuss is a shared moment that all dogs, even the most difficult ones, look for.
But it could also simply be that he’s testing you. How did you react when he bared his teeth at you the first time and this time?
Hi, thanks for taking the time to get back to me! Spot on, that’s still the case — whenever I can, I take him with me so he isn't left on his own.
It’s the same thing here; if I move my hand towards him without saying a word, he expects a fuss and gives the same reaction. Even when I’m giving him a treat, there was one time he bared his teeth when I tried to stroke him to praise him while giving it to him.
Evening Rivai, I remember your early posts – he used to go into work with you back then.
What happens if you give him a stroke without saying the 'magic' word 'cuddle'?
Is there a difference for him at the moment between a 'reward' stroke and just some affection for no particular reason?
Evening everyone, my previous posts probably made me look a bit inexperienced with dogs, but I’m definitely not being "hard" on him. I just want to clarify that this isn’t an issue with obedience or training – I’m just saying that to avoid the usual questions that come up when you're looking for help. I’m a very fair owner; I think I’ve got the balance right and I'm not overbearing but not too distant either.
My dog stays in the garden during the day and at night he’s in his bed in a room of his own.
It’s only being stroked that he shies away from. He’ll happily come and play with me or even give me a lick; everything is completely normal except he doesn't want to be stroked. I can touch him or nudge him when we’re playing, or even give him a little pat on the body or head, but stroking is a no-go.
For the record, he’s not allowed on any of the furniture – tables, the sofa, the bed, etc.
And to answer the second reply, that’s the thing – he usually loves it. Normally, as soon as you say the word “cuddle”, he stops playing and his tail starts going ten to the dozen. It’s always been like that with me, until about a month ago. Maybe I did something he didn’t like without realising? But what? I’ve really been thinking it over but I can’t for the life of me figure out what I might have done. I haven’t even told him off for at least two months because he’s been good as gold. When we’re out on walks, I play with him properly once he’s done his business and finished sniffing everything there is to sniff; we go to this massive field and I play with him for about 20 or 30 minutes (it’s his favourite part of the day, you can tell how happy he is there).
I don’t know, maybe I should see a dog behaviourist who can shed some light on it, and perhaps try out some of your advice.
What does a 'cuddle' actually look like? Is it a stroke? A hug? A scritch? ... Some dogs aren't that keen on 'human' displays of affection (if I lean in to give my girl a kiss – on the head, mind you! ^^' – she turns her head away, she's really not a fan). Perhaps you're being a bit too 'forward'?
I’m not quite sure I follow – is this a permanent thing or does it just happen every now and then?
Where does your dog live? Is he in the house with you or out in the garden? Where does he sleep? Do you have any quiet moments together? I’m not even talking about "cuddles" as such, but for example, does he ever come and lie next to you on the sofa (or wherever else, if the sofa is off-limits)?
Basically, does he just shy away from being stroked, or does he avoid any kind of closeness or affection with you?
To be honest, what you’re describing is a bit concerning. I wonder if there’s a deeper issue with your relationship or a lack of understanding between you that goes further than you realise. Looking back at your old posts, I see you’re very focused on obedience and it’s something you really emphasise with your dog. In your drive to have a "model" dog, is it possible you've focused too much on him doing what he's told, at the expense of your actual bond?
Just to clarify, he gets his two daily walks and plenty of attention from me and my family. There haven't been any new arrivals either—no babies or other pets—which is why I’m so confused.
