I’m having a bit of a problem so I’m looking for some help.
I’ve got a one-and-a-half-year-old GSD who is extremely well-trained. He listens to my every word, hardly ever misbehaves, and is really social with people, but there’s a slight snag. He hasn't let me stroke him for the last three days.
I’m the pack leader and he knows it. He’s 100% obedient, and when he does something wrong and I "punish" him, he doesn't grumble. I’ve never hit him, not even a smack on the bum, so no, he isn't scared of me. I can even touch him when we're playing—we often have a bit of a rough and tumble where he mouths a jacket I use specifically for that; I push him, he chases me and vice versa. But as soon as I say the word "cuddle" and try to stroke him, it’s impossible—he shows his teeth. This happened once before about a month ago; it lasted five days and then everything went back to normal on its own. But I just don't understand this behaviour. I don't bother him when he’s eating or sleeping. With other people, whether they're strangers, family, or friends, he doesn't mind at all—they can stroke him without any issues. He actually loves a fuss and is really gentle; even if they say the word "cuddle", there's no problem. I’d really appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on this, please.
Thanks!
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- How have you approached your dog's obedience training? Was it at a training club?
In fact, having to 'negotiate' a bit with a dog to get them to do something (like a recall when they're busy sniffing something, for example) is a fairly normal part of the communication between an owner and their dog... a dog isn't a robot designed to jump at your every command. You can work with your dog to improve how quickly they respond to orders, but this can sometimes be at the expense of a natural connection (even if it’s done without any force).
- How do you stroke your dog? Which part of their body? What kind of movement is it (proper strokes, a massage, etc.)? What kind of fuss do they usually prefer (the sort of thing an owner would normally know about their dog)?
- Does he show any calming signals (there are plenty of videos on YouTube about this if you’re not sure what they are) when you try to stroke him, before he starts growling?
- Same question as above: what about handling him in ways other than just cuddles? Can you pick up a paw to check his claws, lift an ear, look at his teeth, etc.?
Have you tried approaching from below? (Chest, chin, cheek, back of the head, head) without putting your hand over the top of his head—just an open hand coming from underneath?
You actually made a mistake the very first time he growled because you rewarded his behaviour by throwing the ball.
I understand you were caught off guard and things just sort of escalated... But you 1) backed away and then 2) started a game. At the most, you can raise your hand, but you must stand your ground and stay neutral and calm. It’s up to your dog to back off. You can ask yourself why it happened later... Not all dogs are the same and they don't all react in the same way, but none of them respect weakness.
From where I’m sitting, it definitely looks like he’s questioning your authority. Your dog is coming out of his "teen" phase and he’s asserting himself. To answer your question of "why now and not before" — it’s for the same reason he used to let other dogs pin him down or dominate him, for example. But as an adult, he won't accept that anymore without a good reason.
In my opinion, there are two sides to what’s happening here. The approach taken by Leelee and Kainate, who are looking at the root cause of this behaviour, and then how to manage the situation right now. @Gros toutoux also asked about "fiddling" with him. Are you in the habit of handling him all over? Paws, ears, mouth, etc.?
I think if I were in your shoes, I’d call in a professional. It’s quite strange for a dog to refuse strokes from his owner, who should normally be the one person he trusts implicitly. He should normally accept things from you that he wouldn’t dream of accepting from anyone else. There might be something in your relationship that you aren’t aware of...
And I’d definitely be a bit firmer with him until then. Your dog needs to understand that growling like that is absolutely not allowed. I don’t know what your usual methods of discipline are, but you need to follow through in those moments. And above all, do not back down.
In the meantime, you could try different ways of petting him. I think the best approach would be to crouch down and let him come to you. You’ll have more luck if he’s the one approaching. Avoid the top of the head, as that’s a dominance thing. Try calling him over for a fuss when he’s calm. Avoid doing it right after a game, for instance. You could also try different locations to see if there’s a specific environment that’s triggering him...
You should also get him checked over by the vet. It won’t hurt to check, and if there’s a health issue at play, everything else you try will be a waste of time.
Reading your post, I can’t help but feel there’s a piece of the puzzle missing to really connect the dots. A dog doesn’t just stop enjoying being stroked by its owner overnight for no reason. I can see two main possibilities:
- Either he never actually liked it but simply put up with it out of "submission"... as he’s got older and his personality has developed, he eventually found the courage to tell you "no". Once he realised it worked (because you backed off), he’s tried it again and again.
- Or, he genuinely did enjoy it and you’ve missed something that’s now making him wary (a bit of temporary pain, a sudden movement on your part...). But honestly, the second theory feels a bit far-fetched to me. I think we’ve all accidentally hurt our dogs at some point (stepping on a paw, or during some painful medical treatment, for example): when there’s a strong bond of trust, it never leads to lasting wariness.
That’s why I’m worried there might be a deeper issue with the relationship between you and your dog than you realise. It goes much further than just the question of stroking him. I think getting in touch with a pet behaviourist is a good idea.
Thanks for your advice.
Reading your story, it feels like there’s definitely a missing piece of the puzzle here.
A dog doesn't just stop enjoying being stroked by their owner overnight for no reason.
I can see two main possibilities:
- Either they never actually liked it and were just putting up with it out of 'submission'... as they've got older and more confident, they've finally plucked up the courage to say 'no'. Once they saw it worked (because you backed off), they've kept doing it, again and again.
- Or they genuinely used to enjoy it, but something happened that you missed which has made them wary (maybe a bit of temporary pain or a sudden movement on your part).
But to be honest, that second theory feels like a bit of a stretch. I think we’ve all accidentally hurt our dogs at some point—treading on a paw or while carrying out a painful treatment, for example—but when there’s a strong bond of trust, it never leads to long-term wariness.
That's why I'm worried there might be a deeper issue with your relationship than you realise. It goes much further than just whether they want a bit of affection or not. I reckon getting a behaviourist involved would be a good shout.
Aside from an ear infection, I can't think of anything else, but that’s going to be tricky to check if the dog won't let anyone near his head. Then again, the head is always a sensitive area; I get the feeling it’s more about the hand coming towards him... otherwise, he’d be yelping during those pats you mentioned, or he'd be tilting his head if it were an ear infection....
Well, the thing is, he only avoids me – everyone else is allowed to check if something's wrong.
Evening,
No, I was just trying to clarify that it’s not a case of behavioural issues because he’s aggressive, violent, or won't listen. I’m definitely not a tyrant with him; it’s more that when I ask him to do something, I don’t repeat myself twice. I don’t go "come here, come here, heel, heel" — I just say "Heel" and he comes the first time. I’m not on his back 24/7, if you know what I mean. I’m not constantly barking orders at him or not giving him room to breathe. I’m actually quite relaxed in that regard; I rarely have to correct him and usually just let him do his own thing.
I don’t know, there are no signs of pain, but we’ll see. I’ll probably get him checked over by the vet and, if worst comes to worst, see a behaviourist. Either way, the mistake is usually down to the owner and not the dog, so I’ve obviously messed up somewhere, I just don’t understand where.
What do you mean by contact?
Apart from an ear infection I can't think of anything else, but it’s going to be tricky to check if he won’t let anyone near his head.
Mind you, the head is always a sensitive spot; I get the impression it’s more the hand reaching out that's the problem... otherwise, he’d be yelping during those pats you mentioned, or tilting his head if it were an ear infection...
