I’m having a bit of a problem so I’m looking for some help.
I’ve got a one-and-a-half-year-old GSD who is extremely well-trained. He listens to my every word, hardly ever misbehaves, and is really social with people, but there’s a slight snag. He hasn't let me stroke him for the last three days.
I’m the pack leader and he knows it. He’s 100% obedient, and when he does something wrong and I "punish" him, he doesn't grumble. I’ve never hit him, not even a smack on the bum, so no, he isn't scared of me. I can even touch him when we're playing—we often have a bit of a rough and tumble where he mouths a jacket I use specifically for that; I push him, he chases me and vice versa. But as soon as I say the word "cuddle" and try to stroke him, it’s impossible—he shows his teeth. This happened once before about a month ago; it lasted five days and then everything went back to normal on its own. But I just don't understand this behaviour. I don't bother him when he’s eating or sleeping. With other people, whether they're strangers, family, or friends, he doesn't mind at all—they can stroke him without any issues. He actually loves a fuss and is really gentle; even if they say the word "cuddle", there's no problem. I’d really appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on this, please.
Thanks!
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Phew! At least we can stroke a man without permission. 🤣
That said, Malinois, it would be interesting to know how you react in those moments. You say your dog growls, but what do you actually do then? It’s essential for us to give you some solid advice and try to improve things.
“And yet I take him everywhere—on holiday, to car boot sales, funfairs...”
That might actually be the problem; if you’ve overdone it and/or didn’t properly prepare him for socialising, it might have had the opposite effect to what you intended.
Your dog is asking for space from strangers. Make sure he gets what he needs so he can see that no one is bothered about him and that he doesn't need to feel threatened. In time, he’ll be able to approach people of his own accord.
Hi there,
I was wondering if your dog has started letting people stroke him since your post?
I have a one-year-old Malinois who refuses to be stroked (except by me). He’s very obedient and affectionate with me, but it’s impossible to leave him with anyone else. He shies away, and will even growl if someone reaches out a hand to him while speaking.
People keep telling me it’s "poor socialisation", yet I take him everywhere—on holiday, to car boot sales and funfairs.
Thanks for reading 😉
Agathe
Lol flip, I’m more than happy to have a chat; we can have opposing views without judging each other, which is much better 👍: "You’re fixated on the power/force dynamic and you're making automatic associations." Actually, it’s quite the opposite – why start from the assumption that you absolutely must set boundaries? Dogs naturally tend to avoid conflict as much as possible (except perhaps for Malinois, who’ve been bred to be proactive). If there’s trust between the human and the dog, there’s no need to impose boundaries.
Rest assured, there’s no judgment on my part. I completely get that we have different approaches and I’m totally fine with that. I just meant that when you mentioned power dynamics in general, you saw it as a "bad thing", whereas for me, things often aren't black and white, but rather shades of grey.
Hi Sam,
What do you mean "it's not good for the dog"? Everyone has the kind of relationship they want with their dogs.
My dogs have their boundaries too, and I didn't need to specifically show them to teach them. I think they observe their environment and adapt much faster than we humans do.
It's important to distinguish between different things: mouthing, for example, is a natural behaviour that will stop on its own if it isn't reinforced (consciously or not). As for the lead: a dog pulls for a reason—a scent, anxiety, excitement... if we stop for a second and think, "What's the matter? Does this thing scare you? Do you not like this spot? Do you really want a sniff here? Do you need to sprint?" and then provide the answer, the dog has no reason to pull anymore.
Can I just ask a question? If there are no boundaries, how is the dog supposed to know what they can and can’t do? Practically speaking, stopping them from eating something off the floor is a boundary, isn't it? Dogs set boundaries for each other, don't they? I'll admit I don't really get the concept of "no boundaries". Sora has rules (no jumping up at people, no nipping, no helping yourself to food on the table, no pulling on the lead...), I mean, those are all boundaries – just good manners, I’d say. Is that not good for the dog then? I'm a bit lost; I'm just trying to understand because now I'm wondering if I've done something wrong.
Lol @flip, I’m more than happy to have a chat with you; it’s much better if we can have different opinions without judging each other 👍: "You’re hung up on the power/force dynamic and making automatic associations." Well, actually, it’s quite the opposite—why start from the assumption that you absolutely have to set boundaries? Dogs have a natural tendency to avoid conflict as much as possible (except perhaps for Malinois, which were bred to be proactive). If there’s a real sense of trust between the person and the dog, there’s no need to be constantly setting boundaries.
In my opinion, this idea that you shouldn’t tell a dog off for growling because they might "level up" is a bit of a myth.
If you correct a dog when they growl, they have two options: back down or escalate.
If you show them that you won’t let them escalate (which requires being able to anticipate or counter any kind of lunge), they’ll logically choose to de-escalate to more peaceful communication (calming signals, avoidance, etc.). This happens more or less quickly depending on their strength of character. If you also show them that their communication is more respected when it’s peaceful, they should choose that strategy in future. That’s certainly been my experience with my dogs when they tried their luck with growling a few times as puppies. It never happened again—at least not with me.
They are, however, still perfectly capable of growling when interacting with other dogs, and I have no problem with that. To my mind, humans (at least the owner and their circle of family and friends) should hold a "sacred" status in the dog’s eyes from a very young age. They need to understand that they shouldn’t behave with people the same way they would with another dog, and that threats are simply not on the table.
"If I’m following your logic, flip, does that mean if someone backs off because their dog growls, they look weak in the dog's eyes? In that case, should you persist and force the petting?"
In that situation, I’d have tried not to back off either. Yeah, I think by doing that you’re showing the dog your weakness, and depending on their temperament, that one incident could really open the floodgates...
I wouldn’t have forced the petting either, mind you, as I wouldn't want to get bitten. A bit of a status quo, really. I’d have kept my hand hovering for a few seconds to give the dog a moment to relax, then I’d have moved it closer without hesitating, but probably just to rest it next to the dog in the end. I would’ve tried to hide how unsettled I was as much as possible.
It’s not about forcing affection on them every day. If a dog does that to you, obviously you first have to question your relationship with them and try to understand why; you don't just go back to petting them without thinking it through first.
But in that exact moment, when he growls for the first time, you have to be in "action/reaction" mode—you can't just let it slide. In my opinion, a dog that oversteps like that for the first time is really testing their owner to see what they can get away with.
A dog has every right to not want to be stroked. And to show that... by moving away. If he showed me that way, I’d respect it, no worries. But I wouldn’t let him believe for a second that he’s allowed to show it through threats. That’s a slippery slope that only leads to more trouble.
