So, I’ve got a bit of a problem and I’m not sure how to handle it. I can't seem to love my puppy.
A few months ago, my girlfriend and I decided to get a dog for hers because he was very lonely after losing his playmate, whom I never knew. He was constantly crying; he'd never been alone before, so we thought the best way to make him happy was to find him a new friend.
We looked at a lot of breeders. My girlfriend was adamant about getting a puppy because her dog is very dominant and she felt he’d never have accepted an adult dog. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of getting a pup, especially since the little guy was meant to be for me too, but I didn’t feel ready to train a dog. I’ve only ever had one dog in my life and she was always very calm and obedient—I never really had to do much training.
We talked at length about potential breeds, but the only one I really wanted was a wolfdog, and there was no way I was getting one without feeling capable of training it and providing all the space it needs. In the end, we adopted a Dalmatian from a breeder that left a lot to be desired, but we really fell for him.
He’s so stubborn; he keeps getting into the same mischief even after I've tried everything to stop him: jumping on the kitchen worktops, raiding the bin, pooing on the rug at night and sometimes even urinating, despite being house-trained during the day and being able to hold it all night—he’s done it before. He’s 6 months old and since we got him, I just don't feel anything for him. When I see him, I feel resentful, even though I’m doing everything I can to bond with him. I walk him, I play with him, I feed him, but nothing works; I feel like I’m forcing myself to stroke him or show him any affection. I don’t know what to do anymore. My girlfriend is very strict about what her dogs should and shouldn't do, and I was counting on her for the training, but I’m the one who spends the most time with the dogs while she's at work. I can’t take the stress anymore; all our arguments are about the puppy and his training, and I’m starting to think things were better before he arrived. But I can't bring myself to separate the two dogs. I just feel like a heartless monster, and it’s horrible to realise how much I resent a puppy who’s just going through the same phase as every other dog before him.
If you have any advice, I’d be really grateful. Thanks in advance! 😊
Translated from French
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Hi there, I can’t give you a definitive answer, but this can definitely happen, as mentioned above. In fact, I went through the exact same thing myself when my latest dog arrived. I had recently lost my first dog, my first Jack Russell, who I was incredibly attached to. We were so in sync, real partners in crime. Losing him was really, really tough for me... My parents were so sad to see me like that, and thinking they were doing the right thing, they "gifted" me a puppy last December. They decided on a different breed so I wouldn't make any painful comparisons. The little bundle of fur arrived at ten weeks old; he was very calm and already practically house-trained, but unfortunately, I didn't "click" with the puppy straight away. I felt like he was replacing MY dog and that I was "betraying" him if I loved another...
On top of that, the breed—and therefore the puppy’s temperament—meant I really struggled to bond. He was very stubborn, aloof, and a bit of a tank; he did his own thing and I did mine. I just went through the motions with his meals, walks, and playtime, giving him the odd pat but without any real heart in it. I even started asking myself if I should keep him. We just weren't a good match, and he must have felt it. Nobody was happy.
Then I pulled myself together. He was here, he hadn't asked for any of this—what right did I have to blame him? I was the problem! I went on a pet forum and found advice, comfort, and stories from others that gradually opened my eyes and helped me so much! I was able to chat with other puppy and dog owners, as well as other Shar-Pei owners, and since then everything has been so much better. I love my dog dearly! He’ll never replace the Jack Russell I lost, but he has his own place right next to him in my heart. Plus, I’ve learnt how to read his personality and behaviour; we’ve got to know each other. Now, whenever I have a worry or a doubt, I come and talk about it here. I don't just sit alone dwelling on problems anymore—we're moving forward 😉 Hang in there, things can change; nothing is set in stone. The fact that you’re here talking about it shows that, deep down, you do care about this puppy 😉
Hi Bloody moon,
Did you experience any kind of trauma when you were little related to an animal or the loss of a pet? That might explain why you’re reluctant to get attached to them, as a way of protecting yourself from the heartbreak if you were to lose them ;)
Passionate about horses and animals in general ;)
Christophe Bernard
https://www.sellerie-en-ligne.com/
It’s almost expected, really. It sounds like you didn’t actually want this puppy yourself; you just went along with your girlfriend because she "wanted you both to have one and for her dog to have a companion". In short, you were a bit pressured into it 🥱.
If you’ve decided to keep this puppy even though you aren’t exactly thrilled about it, then you’ll need to hang in there, lol. I’m certainly not the only one here who’s struggled when a new puppy arrived. When Berger arrived, I felt the same way about her; I didn’t love her, I just "maintained" her. Games, walks, food. That was it. I didn’t even want to stroke her; her behaviour got on my nerves, I thought she was ugly, and I kept thinking, "bloody hell, I’m stuck with this horror for the next ten years."
I think subconsciously we feel unsatisfied, or perhaps we're too ambitious for this little creature that's come along and disrupted our comfort. You wanted a Wolfdog? You've got a Dalmatian. I wanted a Dobermann, and I ended up with a Malinois dumped in my lap instead.
Turn this unexpected situation into a strength; give yourself time to get to know this little dog—his quirks, his little faces, what he wants and needs. It can take months to develop a healthy relationship, both from your side and his. Don’t feel guilty; keep putting the work in, it’ll be worth it for both of you. Build a bond that’s uniquely yours, even if it’s not the one you’d pictured in your head.
It’s the "puppy blues"... a phase many people go through, but it’s almost inevitable before you can build a proper bond with your dog.
As for your girlfriend, you need to draw the line a bit and make her face the fact that she "forced" this puppy on you. Do what YOU have decided to teach him, without undermining the training or the bond she’s built with her own dog.
Hi there,
I’d also agree that this will pass ^^
I think you're just letting the "tough parts" of having a puppy get the better of you. It’s a bit like when a new baby arrives; it completely turns your routine upside down. You learn a lot about yourself—especially how much patience you actually have—and it can definitely cause some tension at times.
But they grow up, and all of this will be a distant memory.
Personally, I know that if I ever get another dog, it’ll be a rescue adult. I honestly didn’t enjoy the puppy stage one bit! 🤪 As much as I loved the little fluffball, there were moments I actually regretted bringing her home (especially when the toilet training felt like it was taking forever).
But don’t panic, I’m sure it’ll get better! :)
Hang in there and stay patient!
I reckon this is a pretty classic situation with a puppy as well.
It’s good that people are starting to analyse it and talk about it more and more.
What can I say? Just hang in there and give him a chance; in eighteen months, he’ll be a brilliant companion and his puppyhood will be nothing more than a vague bad memory.
I don’t think you’re the only one in this boat. When a new puppy arrives and there’s so much to do, it’s easy to feel a bit overwhelmed, isn’t it? It sounds like you were expecting your friend to handle the training, and as he’s still so young, things aren't going to be quite perfect yet—plus, Dalmatians are known for being a very stubborn breed!
I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely sure what to say to you. Your situation is quite a specific one. I can clearly see there’s some resentment towards the puppy, particularly regarding house-training, and perhaps you’re fixating on the negatives without recognising all the positives that are surely there. A puppy isn’t necessarily 100% house-trained by 6 months, even if they seem capable of holding it at times. But maybe the pup is expressing their own distress this way. Dogs often pick up on their owner’s state of mind very well... anyway, it’s hard to give advice other than suggesting you take stock of what you actually like about this puppy... there are bound to be some positives!
