Help needed - tumour

Gwen Pck
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Good evening. This is my first post, and I am writing this tonight with a very heavy heart.

I was wondering if anyone here has been through something similar or has any advice...

This is my baby, Snowby, who is nine and a half.

At the end of November, we noticed two large lumps inside his mouth on his gums (near his canines).

The next morning, we rushed him to the emergency vet.

She told us she suspected it was a tumour but that we needed a biopsy to find out if it was malignant or benign.

So we left our baby there. We called back that evening to see if we could pick him up, but she said he'd have to stay the night as she was running behind schedule. We went back the next morning to fetch our baby, and she told us the biopsy had been done and that she'd also operated to remove those two large lumps... but that there were other smaller ones further back in his mouth that she couldn't remove!

We then had to wait two weeks for the biopsy results. (It took Snowby four days to recover from the anaesthetic). During those two weeks, a new lump started growing, but this time on the outside, on his jowl... The results came back... and we were so disappointed as they couldn't even name the type of tumour or say if it was malignant or benign... I went back to the vet as my baby is in pain, I can see it in his eyes. She examined him and told me the tumour has spread even further and there is nothing they can do; they would have to remove 90% of his jaw. We can only give him palliative care now... so she put him on steroids.

Two weeks later, back to the vet. Snowby’s muzzle is swollen, and his nose and eyes are runny... the tumour is still spreading... Snowby is now on morphine as well as the steroids. Now my baby is struggling to breathe; she warned me it would likely spread to his lungs given how advanced it already was in his mouth and throat... he is losing teeth too... the vet says it’s time to put him to sleep, but I don't know what to do...

He spends his days lying on his tummy, not moving. He’s still eating and drinking, and he still asks for his evening walk, though it’s getting shorter and shorter because he starts choking and I think he's struggling to walk... I wonder if I'm just being selfish trying to save him—well, I know I can't make all this go away, but I'm trying to reduce his medication because I keep thinking maybe that's why he's lying down all day.

Sorry for the long post, I’m just finding it so hard to cope with all this. Snowby is our baby, our child. I really need some advice to help me make the right decision. I've attached a current photo of his face.

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25 answers
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  • Doudou229
    Doudou229 Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m so sorry for you and for Snowby. It’s so incredibly hard... Making that final decision to let him go... but for your boy, it was the right thing to do. Yes, the pain of not having him there by your side – it takes time, a lot of time, to come to terms with the void. "Talking to him" really helps; I still do it, sometimes out loud, even 2 years and 9 months after losing my beloved Volka. He’s in your heart and he’ll stay there forever. Your sweet boy is resting in peace now, free from any pain. Sending you strength, it’s just so heartbreaking.
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    Gwen Pck
    Gwen pck Icon representing the flag French
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    Thank you all for your messages, they’ve been a bit of a comfort regarding the decision we had to make... I miss him so much, it feels so empty and I feel like I’m never going to get over it. I still talk to him; I like to think he’s still here with me. It helps a little.
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    M
    Mel1 Icon representing the flag French
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    You really shouldn't feel guilty; you made the best decision based on the options available to you. By letting him go with dignity, you spared him from further suffering. In my opinion, there wasn't any other choice.

    Of course, it’s incredibly tough to go through, but unfortunately, your Snowby had a terminal illness that causes a lot of pain and, crucially, offered no hope of recovery. You made the right call to save him from a horrific end. In fact, keeping him alive despite the suffering would have been the selfish thing to do.

    Right now, you’re in shock, and that’s completely normal. Everything happened so fast. The first symptoms appeared at the end of November and then it all just snowballed. You haven't really had the time to process it all yet. But I'm certain that the choice you made will eventually help you come to terms with losing Snowby. Not straight away, but in time, you’ll know you did your best for him. You couldn't have kept him here selfishly for just a few more days or weeks when he was in pain and there was no possible treatment.

    You really mustn't beat yourself up; you made the best decision for him. It’s a heart-breaking decision to make, and if I had to do the same for my dog or my cats, I would. But obviously, just like you, I’d still be second-guessing myself. It’s so hard to accept. Even when we know deep down we’ve made the right decision, it takes time to truly come to terms with it.

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    Docline
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    Well done for being so brave and for the respect you’ve shown your dog. Now, you just have to let time do its healing work.
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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.

    But you should feel "proud" that you were able to make the right decision and stay by his side for his final journey. Someone once told me: "Do you know why dogs live such short lives? It’s because, unlike us, they don’t need to learn how to love." I didn’t really understand it at the time, but I see the meaning now.

    Your boy loved you unconditionally, and you were capable of an act of love that matched everything he gave you: putting his needs before your own.

    Keep all that love he gave you in your heart; he may be gone, but what you shared will never fade away.

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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m so sorry for the loss of your little one.

    Please know that letting your dog go is the greatest act of love and respect you could have shown them.

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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Oh, please don't feel guilty. Things were only going to get worse for him anyway. You did everything you possibly could, and if you decided it was time to let him go, then it really was his time. It’s heartbreaking and feels so unfair... but that’s just life, unfortunately. He’s not in pain anymore. Sending you lots of strength.
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    Gwen Pck
    Gwen pck Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi everyone... I don't have the words to describe how I feel... we decided to let our baby go yesterday... and oh god, I regret it so much.

    I'm devastated, I keep wondering if it really was the best thing to do, even though deep down I knew my baby wasn't himself anymore...

    Who am I to have done that! I'm a horrible person.

    The house is so empty, my heart is so empty.

    I miss him so much, I can’t put into words the pain he’s left behind, the pain I’ve caused... I feel so much guilt.

    My sweet baby, please forgive me, I love you so much.

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    Docline
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    Your dog is suffering

    This post really hits home for me because I waited far too long to have my little cat put to sleep. She had mouth cancer (affecting her palate and throat), and I was selfishly relying on more doses of steroids to put off the inevitable. I was wrong, and I still feel terribly guilty about it.

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    M
    Mel1 Icon representing the flag French
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    The breathing difficulties you’re describing with your dog remind me of the Bullmastiff my parents used to have. She had tumours too, but in her neck. She was only young (5 years old), and my parents tried chemo, but it didn't work. I remember her last night; she was sleeping next to my bedroom. I could hear her all night; she just couldn't breathe. It was heartbreaking. The next morning, I asked my parents to have her put to sleep, and that’s what they did. We could have hung on for a few more days or weeks, but it would have been selfish. She was suffering even if it didn't show, and her quality of life just wasn't there anymore. I’m telling you all this because I really understand what you’re going through. I’ve had pets since I was a girl, first at my parents' place and then in my own home. I know what it’s like to lose a pet. You’ve done everything you could for your dog—the tests, the surgery—but sadly, there’s no hope of a recovery now. I truly believe it’s best not to wait until the very last minute. Ultimately, it’s up to you to judge if you can wait a little longer or if it's better to act sooner. Whatever you decide, try to make sure you don't end up having to act in an emergency, like we did with our other dog who had a tumour in his nose. The poor thing really suffered so much in the final hours of his life.
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