Hi everyone, I’ll explain my situation. My wife grew up with dogs and really wants to adopt one, but as someone who's unfortunately never had a dog, I just don't get why. It might sound strange, but I don't really see why she wants a dog, especially since we aren't exactly the sporty type. We’ve already got two cats, we wouldn't be able to take a dog on holiday with us, and we aren't home all that much – we’re out for six hours at a time. I don't think it's much of a life for a dog, just waiting around for its owners. Plus, we live quite far out from town and there aren't many dogs nearby, which is a bit rubbish if the dog can't play with any mates and so on… What do you think? She’s been going on and on at me about it for a while now, but I don’t want to get a dog just to please her. I’d much rather get a third cat instead. Do you have any arguments I can use to make her realise it’s just not possible?
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I’m pretty much with Lorna on this one; personally, I can't see myself ever living without a dog. Watching them, taking them out, giving them a fuss... it’s my breath of fresh air. If I met someone who didn't want dogs, I honestly couldn't be with them. Something would be missing, especially when it comes to walks – just being able to head out without a care in the world, quietly, with my pups. That’s my escape. A dog is obviously a pet, but it’s also about those shared moments.
Unless your own mind has changed between saying "yes" and then eventually "no", I reckon your partner will eventually move on. However, if it’s something deep-seated and she’s been talking to you about it for years, it might be a bit more complicated.
As for making her understand it's not possible, we aren't there in your daily life and we don't know what your wife actually intends to do with a dog. As long as there’s a minimum amount of exercise (around an hour and a half for the less active breeds) and someone to look after it during holidays, it’s not up to us to convince her, especially since she isn't here to speak for herself and explain what she’d do if she had a dog.
It’s more of a relationship discussion at this point.
I’d say if you end up in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want any, then having animals around you clearly isn’t a top priority (it’s not usually something that just happens out of the blue overnight, after all ^^).
So many major life choices I've made have been driven solely by my need to be surrounded by other species, dogs included, so it’s hardly news to anyone—least of all my partner.
Hi,
In a relationship, you’ve got to respect your partner's choices when they say no.
A few years back, my other half brought up the idea of adopting a dog. For me, it was a flat no. I laid out my arguments: our lifestyle just wasn’t suited to it (we’re total couch potatoes, let’s be honest ^^), we live in a flat in a really built-up urban area (so, lazy + flat... you get the picture), and we don’t have a car (so no easy way to get the pooch out to the greenery). Then there was the impact on my own life—I already get up early, and it would’ve fallen on me to take the dog out every morning... so that was a no from me as well.
On the flip side, when I suggested adopting an adult cat a few weeks ago (one of our cats sadly passed away) after seeing one on a rescue centre’s website, my partner ended up saying no, and I respected that. We talked it over and reached a decision that we’re going to stick to: a kitten (to make the transition easier for our girl) and not until this autumn.
This goes a bit beyond the usual advice you’d find on a pet forum, but respecting a refusal is fundamental to a healthy relationship. Trying to persuade someone is one thing, but pestering them until you get your way is another—that’s what children do, not adults.
