I’m riddled with guilt; I just can’t come to terms with it.
I lost my dog yesterday and I wasn’t by her side; she was all alone. If I’d known, I would never have gone away.
She didn’t seem out of sorts before I left – just the same ongoing issue with a slipped disc that had worsened over the last four months. She was struggling to get around and wasn’t on any treatment; she just found her walks difficult. She was an old girl, 13 years of pure love.
I went away for a four-day trip and left her at home as usual, with the door open so she could pop in and out of the garden as she pleased. The cleaner popped in every day to check on her, stayed for a bit, and changed her food and water.
She was sending me photos to reassure me while I was away, but yesterday she found her dead. I caught the first flight back to bury her in our garden. I just don't understand how I could have left her. She seemed her usual self, no warning signs at all – she was eating and drinking well, going in and out of the garden, and sleeping normally with no signs of pain. The only issue (which the vet said was normal due to the slipped disc and arthritis) was that she was having a few more accidents than before.
I didn't want to put her in boarding kennels; I preferred leaving her at home in her own bed, with her garden and familiar surroundings, to save her from any anxiety.
Staying with my parents wasn’t an option either, as they live in a flat with stairs, which she wouldn't have been able to manage with her back and joints.
I thought I was making the right choice since I couldn’t take her with me.
I’m just so heartbroken and inconsolable. I keep telling myself I should never have gone. I don’t know if she suffered, if she was looking for me, or if she thought I’d abandoned her.
I’m devastated and I just can't get over it.
I don’t know if she suffered or if she passed away in her sleep. Maybe if I’d taken her to the vet, I could have been there for her. I feel so selfish for going away when she was poorly. I blame myself so much.
Translated from French
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I’ve just lost my dog Minnie at 12 years and six weeks old. She’d gone out into the garden to hide one of her treats, and when I went to fetch her to bring her inside because it was starting to get a bit hot, she was lying there just like she was sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she was in the same relaxed position as when she was normally napping. She just lay down and went to sleep for the very last time.
The vet told me she passed away in the most beautiful way. Of course I’m heartbroken, and there are so many things I'm feeling, but I know I gave her all my love and I had all of hers in return. I also know she’s no longer suffering from arthritis; she’s just sleeping. I’ve buried her here at home, and while her body is in the garden, her heart is forever in mine.
Stay strong, everyone.
They are unforgettable and will always watch over us. They are noble, pure beings, and even today they are still close to us, our guiding lights. Hold those you’ve loved so dearly close to your heart... they won’t forget you either. It’s already been two years since my family and I lost our precious dog; we had 14 wonderful years with him, but there was nothing we could do against brain cancer. The best thing for him was to have him put to sleep, but I wasn't there for him :( Luckily my family were. That feeling of guilt doesn't just disappear, even after all these years. But those unforgettable moments are etched in our memories. He was part of our lives, like a brother, and will always be in our hearts. A soul that pure is never forgotten. I've finished my grieving now, and when I think of him I feel happy because he had such a lovely life. He was always so happy, eating to his heart's content – we often used to say our dog was a bit chunky, but at least he never went hungry! He lived a full life with plenty of toys, doggy friends, outings, walks, and cuddles. Those affectionate, happy moments are never forgotten; they are etched in the hearts of everyone going through the heartbreak of losing a pet. With a bit of perspective and time, it will get easier. Just remember that they are unforgettable and they truly are blessed angels! Please, never hurt an animal; they will love you until your last breath, and you'll love them until theirs...
My girl passed away in her sleep not long ago; she just drifted off. I was at home, but I didn't realise she’d stopped breathing until my husband told me. It had been several minutes since I’d last seen her move, so I felt absolutely terrible. Guilt is a feeling you just can’t control, but as others have said, the way her body was positioned and how relaxed her muscles were suggests that she didn't suffer. At least that’s what I believe for my sweet girl, but the pain is still there and it’ll take time... thinking of you.
I lost my beloved dog just a few weeks ago; I’m so heartbroken and I’m feeling so much guilt as well.
My Chow Chow was 12 years and 3 months old. That morning he woke up as normal; I took him out and made him go to the toilet on the grass and everything seemed fine, but he didn’t want to go back outside after that. He hadn't eaten the night before. That same morning he drank his bowl of water; at 12:30 pm he did his job and barked, and then at 1:45 pm I found him dead in front of the patio doors. I feel so guilty because I wasn't with him and I didn't see anything. It's so hard knowing that he passed away all alone with no one there for him.
Yes, she had arthritis and a slipped disc, but it’s so hard to accept that she’s gone when I wasn’t there by her side. I don’t even understand how it could’ve happened; she was doing fine before I left.
It’s so hard to lose a pet, especially when it’s completely unexpected.
Perhaps she was simply waiting for you to leave so she could slip away peacefully? Arthritis is painful, and the hernia almost certainly was too.
Hang in there, the happy memories of your life together will soon start to return and help ease the pain; just try to tell yourself that it was her time.
Feel free to post your memories or anything else you’d like here – it really does help to talk about it, so go ahead.
Nougat, I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is.
But I really don’t think you should feel guilty. She didn't have a terminal illness, and you can’t predict the future – there was no way you could have known she was going to pass away.
It’s only natural that you went away thinking she’d be her usual self when you got back.
I once lost a dog while I was away on a trip; she’d had cancer for a long time but was doing reasonably well. She was staying at my mum’s, a place she was familiar with. There was a sudden change in the weather that night; as my mum was getting up, she had a feeling she’d find her dead, and sure enough, her heart had given out in her sleep. It made me sad, of course, but I didn’t feel any guilt. On the other hand, my Coton, who died all alone on a Sunday morning at the vet’s—the vet had wanted to keep him in for observation before a test scheduled for Monday morning (but there was no one there overnight)—years later, that death in an unfamiliar place still fills me with sadness. Dying at home isn't as distressing as dying in an anonymous kennel...
