We adopted our little Rhéa just over a month ago; she's now three and a half months old.
She’s brilliant. Very sociable (maybe a bit too much!), almost house-trained (very rare accidents at night), full of love, and follows our 'sit' and 'stay' commands nearly all the time. She’s active, playful, and so on. Even my vet had nothing but praise for her during her check-up a few days ago.
But there’s a 'but'... For about an hour and a half every evening, Rhéa 'transforms'. She stops listening, nips at our feet and even our arms, tugs at and rips holes in our clothes, and even growls if we have the misfortune of correcting her when she’s doing something she shouldn't (like getting on the sofa). In short, she becomes unmanageable, and I have to admit that coming home from a long day at work only to deal with her tantrum—with no solution other than locking myself in my bedroom—is becoming quite a burden.
We’ve tried ignoring her, but she just comes back twice as hard and nips even more. Pushing her away isn't any more effective as she just thinks it's a game. Saying 'stop' (which she understands and obeys outside of these episodes), redirecting her to a toy, trying 'sit/stay' (which she completely ignores at these times), saying 'no'... basically, nothing seems to get through to her. Her excitement just keeps building and building, and then after 90 minutes, she goes back to being my 'normal' puppy again, wanting cuddles and kisses.
Since I have a two-hour commute to work on top of a 7-hour shift, she only goes out twice a day during the week and three times at the weekend. She gets a 45-minute walk in the morning plus 10 minutes of play before I leave. She then has a snuffle mat, a Kong, and two other toys to keep her occupied during the day. When I get home at 6:15 pm, she has 10 minutes in the garden while I clean up any accidents, and then we head out for a 50-minute walk where we play as well. Halfway through the walk, she already starts getting worked up, and once we step through the door... she turns into a total Gremlin. During this time, we can't play with her or cuddle her because any contact just sends her excitement levels through the roof.
I’m feeling a bit helpless. I’m doing my best with the little time I have to meet her needs. I give her so much of my time that I have almost none left for myself. I understand she’s a puppy and needs to let off steam, but the fact she takes it out on us is getting harder to deal with. I’d at least like to be able to prepare my dinner without having my feet nipped and holes bitten into my trousers.
I'd appreciate any advice or explanations you might have. Looking forward to reading your replies (please be kind...)
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Evening! Your post caught my eye because I’m starting to reach breaking point too... Have you found any solutions? My dog listens to my husband but it’s a different story with me... Help needed!
Evening.
I don’t really have any solutions to offer, I’m afraid. Let’s just say that with the clocks changing and the better weather, we’ve decided to put her out in the garden a bit more with her toy, which she shakes and tosses around as much as she likes. We leave the patio doors open so she can come back in whenever she wants. And if she comes back in and starts pestering us again, I send her back out for a few minutes until she’s calmed down enough. I take her out for 45–50 mins as soon as I get home from work, and we play with her for at least 20 mins, but we’ve got our own lives and commitments too. My dog (even though I love her and see her as one of the family) can’t be the centre of the universe with everything revolving around her.
Mind you, I have to admit she’s much more manageable at the weekend. Why? Because we’re at home, so she gets more stimulation, can go in and out of the garden as she pleases, etc., so she’s less likely to act up than on workdays. Honestly, putting her in the garden and letting her have her "mad moment" freely is much easier for us, and I think for her too. We don’t have to keep such a close eye on her and she doesn’t go for us as much, so we don’t have to keep correcting her, which stops her getting even more worked up. Also, she’s very clever... When we’re at the table eating, "The Little Madam" lies on her rug (without being asked) and waits nicely until we’ve finished and she’s had her bowl of food before starting her antics again! ^^
What exactly is the issue you’re having? There might be a few things that could help you out 🙂
Hi! Your post caught my eye because I’m starting to get to the end of my tether too... Have you found any solutions? My dog listens to my husband, but with me it’s a completely different story... I really need some help!
No holidays on the horizon. We ended up having to stay at home, more or less because our hands were tied. Let's say she was on her own for the first month, but not actually that much in the end. It was only really last week that she was properly alone, except for Friday when my partner gets back earlier.
She got to meet and play with an older dog this weekend. She was absolutely knackered when she got back that evening, we didn't hear a peep out of her 😅
I think I’m just going to have to deal with it and hope it settles down as she gets older... But seeing as she’s about to hit her teenage phase, I reckon we’ve still got a fair while to go yet 😣
Hi there!
I totally get it, it can get pricey, which is why sometimes asking the neighbours in exchange for another favour (doing their shopping, giving them a lift once or twice, popping in to see their cat when they’re away, watering their plants, helping with a bit of DIY...) can be a better way to go! Or even a local teenager looking for a bit of pocket money; I reckon you could easily negotiate for about £5 an hour—I used to babysit for that much! 4 hours a week would be £20, so £80 a month, which sounds much more reasonable.
As for keeping her confined, I see the house layout isn't great, but... is there no separate downstairs loo? Or failing that, could you section off part of the hallway using baby gates?
I really don't think you're failing at everything. It’s not necessarily ideal, but some dogs do get used to being left alone for that long without destroying anything; my parents' dog did, and he didn't get nearly as much exercise as ours do...
That feeling of "I want to be extra soft because I haven't been around today, the poor thing etc."—I know it well. You’ve got to stop feeling guilty. Personally, guilt often makes me make mistakes, like letting bad behaviour slide or not putting them away early enough, which lets their excitement levels get too high (and then it’s harder to get them to calm back down). Yes, she’s been on her own a lot, but you’re doing your best; there are plenty of dogs far worse off who would love to be in her shoes.
Do you have any holiday time coming up? I have to admit, having two weeks off shortly after getting mine really helped us learn how to understand each other.
We hired a pet sitter at first. Unfortunately, at around £14 a day, it would work out to a budget of nearly £250 a month, and that’s even with just one visit a day. My partner and I can’t get back home during the day: I have an hour’s commute each way, and he has a 45-minute drive... I know it’s a long time for her to be alone, and having someone pop in even for an hour in the middle of the day would be ideal, but we’re limited by our budget too 😞
Regarding the isolation issue, I’m the one who locks myself away or moves to another room. It’s simply because the layout of our house doesn't allow me to shut her in a room. The living room and kitchen are one large open-plan space, and there’s no door to the hallway, so she can move freely between them. The bathroom leads straight into the bedroom with no door, so needless to say, I don’t want to leave her in there. That just leaves the garage, but with two motorbikes in there, I really don't want her getting the bright idea to start chewing them.
This morning’s walk was cut short... it took 20 minutes just to get to the end of the street when it usually takes 5. I had to stick to a quick walk around the block because I was short on time. When we got back, I played with her. I kept working on "stop" commands during play. It’s going really well; she listened properly. But it’s true that since she wasn't in a "high energy" mood, she listens much better... I’m going to keep working on that.
I’m at a complete loss... I’m scared I’m failing her and not giving her what she needs. It breaks my heart 😭 I try so hard to do everything right when I’m here to make up for my absence, but I feel like it’s not enough. I’m scared of what’s to come; I’m scared I won’t be able to manage.
Basically, she’s becoming a bit of a handful, and I have to admit that coming home after a long day at work and having to deal with her meltdowns with no other solution than locking myself in my bedroom is becoming a real drain.
Evening, I don’t quite follow—is it *you* who is locking yourself away?
You should be putting *her* in a separate room instead. All puppies have these sorts of episodes. But if you just wait for her to calm down on her own, you might miss the chance to teach her to respect your boundaries. Not everyone has the same level of patience, but your dog will learn to get to know you and read your human cues, just as you’ll establish a way to communicate with her and learn to respect canine body language a bit more.
Also, it’s very common for puppies to have a bit of a "mad half-hour" the second they get back from a walk. You can play whenever you like, but when you decide it’s time to stop, use the same word and the same tone every time. For example, "[Name], that’s enough." Then just go about your business and leave her to her toys. If she pushes her luck, it’s straight to the loo or the bathroom for a few minutes. When you go back to get her, if she’s calm when she comes out, give her plenty of gentle fuss. If she isn't calm > back into isolation. It might take a week or two, but the basic rule at this age is: calm = fuss/affection = reward.
For me, making that connection is the foundation of everything. When a dog is in a state of high excitement, whether they’re a puppy or an adult, they’re only really focused on themselves.
That said, the hours she's left alone are quite long. It’s hard to say if she’ll grow up to be well-balanced because dogs aren't really meant to be on their own. Other problems might arise, though I obviously hope they don't. I had the same thought as Lewina. Maybe you could find someone nearby who walks their own dogs every day and might be happy to take yours out for a walk in the late morning or early afternoon.
You'd be surprised how much empathy and kindness you can find among fellow dog owners when it comes to helping each other out ;)
Good luck and keep at it, she’ll settle down eventually. You just have to stay consistent.
Evening! Sorry to hear that things haven’t worked out quite as well as you’d hoped ^^
Mind you, it’s true that after 10 hours alone, the energy levels probably aren't the same as with my dog. At the moment, my husband is at home, but when he’s working, he comes back at lunchtime to check on him, have some lunch, a bit of a sit-down, and take him out for 20 minutes.
When he couldn't make it back at lunch, we asked a retired neighbour to come and walk and feed Athos, as we just couldn’t face leaving him alone for 10 hours at only 3 months old.
If you don’t have a neighbour who’d be up for it, why not try a pet sitter? There are some really reliable students and others who offer their services, and for four days a week—say for an hour’s company and a quick walk on the lead—it might not be that expensive. Or even just 30 minutes if you need to keep the costs down?
Yes, it is a long time. I’m well aware of that, which is why I try to make up for it when I’m around, especially at the weekend. Unfortunately, my partner has a very demanding job; he leaves earlier than me and gets back later... Most of the time I’m the one who handles things, but he gets home early on Friday afternoons, so let’s say there are really four days where the days are quite long for her. She doesn’t cause any damage, and we only have one or two accidents in the house, so we’re lucky really... And unfortunately, I can’t leave her in the garden. We live in a house, but it’s more like a big house split into four flats. We’re on the ground floor, which is why we have the garden. It’s enclosed by hedges all the way round but there’s no fencing and there are a few gaps... I’d be far too scared of her getting out and onto the road, or even someone stealing her...
And yes, it’s a right party in the evenings ☺ and if it just stayed like that, I wouldn't mind 😔
Regarding other dogs, I’ve planned ahead based on what you told me and found a local Facebook group; I’ve asked if any owners would be up for a meet-up in the evenings or at the weekend... I’ve already got one sorted for this weekend and if I could find someone at least once a week, that would be brilliant ☺
Thanks for all the info!
She’s probably dawdling on her walks because she wants to make the moment last... :-) She's loving every second!
So she’s alone indoors for over 10 hours then (since you mentioned cleaning up accidents)? Even if she gets her fair share of walkies in total, 10 hours with nothing to do, no other dogs, no humans... you’re lucky she hasn't started barking the place down or destroying things.
Why don’t you leave her in the garden?...
She must be waiting for you to get home like you’re the Messiah! :-) Too much excitement, too much emotion... it’s a right vicious circle.
Regarding other dogs, you really need to find a way to make it work, otherwise it’s only going to get more difficult. Maybe a local Facebook group? And yes, puppy classes might offer ‘play sessions’ for the dogs, or there might be some friendly owners with nice dogs around. It’s worth swapping numbers, even if it’s just for one doggy walk a week...
