I feel like my puppy doesn't love me

I don't have a Mountain Dog, but I do have a gundog.

I know it’s not quite the same thing... but when it comes to the affectionate side of things, I know exactly what it feels like to think you’re ultimately just the person who feeds them. My girl wasn't very demonstrative at all when she was a puppy.

It’s that feeling that, as you say, you’re just the human who takes them for walks, gives them a roof over their head, feeds them, and that’s it.

However, over time I’ve realised just how wrong I was. Through little things here and there, I’ve seen how much she adores me and that I really am her "safe person".

I’ve even discovered that she’s incredibly sensitive 😅 and she hates being apart from me. She knows how to be on her own, but it’s hard to explain—she’s like a Border Collie who wants to be with their owner 24/7; she picks up on it massively whenever I’m upset.

In short, this little independent creature who seemed to be in her own world is actually the most sensitive dog I’ve ever had. You just have to know what to look for, as she has her own way of showing it.

Above all, our bond has grown over time—getting to know each other, the mistakes, the successes, loads of activities, the rough patches, and all our adventures!

It’s also about them growing up... I wasn’t used to puppies 😅 and I got her when she was very small. Personally, I found that they only really start to open up to the rest of the world once they hit about 18 months. Before then, they love us to bits, but in their heads, everything still revolves around them. They just need to mature a bit.

So, your little one is still very young. But with time, you’ll likely see things move in the right direction... or you’ll simply get to know him better and see just how much he loves you.

Spot on @Mel1

There’s a world of difference between the bond you dream of and the reality of it.

It feels a bit thankless at times, especially when you feel like people who don't even look after him get more of the cuddles! :)

I just hope that as time goes on, our bond will grow stronger. 🤞🏻

I agree with @Lorna. I’d just add that some dogs are less "expressive" than others. Especially big, laid-back boys; they aren’t the type of dog to burst with joy at the drop of a hat.

I’ve got a big, easy-going lad at home and he’s definitely not jumping for joy when he sees me in the morning. At most, if I leave him alone for a couple of hours, he’s happy, asks for some fuss, and sticks to me for two minutes. That’s about his limit with me.

But when he sees one of my nephews, my brother, my sister-in-law, or certain friends, he goes mental! He’s so, so happy to see them and gives them a massive welcome. I never get that kind of treatment!

It’s not that my dog doesn’t love me; it’s just that he sees me all the time, whereas the others are only occasional. And the less he sees them, the more he makes a fuss of them.

You just need to learn to understand your puppy without putting too much pressure on yourself. There’s a big difference between the bond we imagined having with our future puppy and the relationship we actually have with them.

Thanks Lornabis :) I agree with you, and those qualities are exactly why I chose this breed.

Even though I didn’t think I was overdoing it and was letting them go at their own pace, I’m going to ease off even more now!

Yes, use your walks to reinforce his natural check-in, start building some foundations through play, ask for calmness at mealtimes... and that's about it really :-)

A Berner isn't an "extreme" dog when it comes to their needs or behaviour. They are a big breed with a mountain dog temperament and they’re slow to mature; they pick up the house rules through routine, without any need to cook up a "to the minute" schedule for physical or mental activity.

Honestly, with a healthy Berner (from a reputable breeder), basic consistency in your daily life is enough to end up with a good dog without having to do a massive amount of work.

For a 3-month-old Berner pup, several training sessions a day, plus training classes, plus "socialisation" trips out, can quickly become a bit much. They aren’t high-energy live wires doing 100mph like some terriers or lithe herding dogs, for example, who love rattling off commands and positions every second. You need to respect their natural pace and avoid overloading them with unnecessary extras.

Keep in mind that your puppy will pick up the basics over time, and it’s not strictly necessary to do formal "training sessions" as such every single day. For this type of dog, training should actually just blend into daily life; as long as he’s familiar with his environment and has a solid recall, you're golden. Positions, tricks and whatnot are optional and should only be done by working with the dog's motivation, without forcing things so you don't bore him to tears.

Thanks so much to both of you for your replies. :) They’ve really helped clear things up and put my mind at ease!

I really want to get things right and I make a point of not hovering over him and letting him have plenty of his own space.

But you’re right, deep down I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself and he can probably sense it.

I’m going to try and relax ;)