I'm looking for some advice and to hear about your own experiences. Just a heads up: if anyone's thinking of making me feel guilty, please don't. I'm already doing a much better job of that myself. I feel so ashamed and awful right now that I really don't need anyone else piling it on...
To give you some background, I live with an elderly Belgian Malinois that I rescued from a local shelter over a year ago. I’d always dreamed of having a dog, and when I finally had the right setup to do so, I started my search. With my first dog, it was love at first sight, and even though he had quite a few issues due to a difficult past, it’s been nothing but pure joy. I've never once doubted it or had any regrets with him, and the thought of life without him is absolutely heartbreaking.
Just over a week ago, I adopted a young female dog—also a shepherd, a Dutch Shepherd this time—and she's honestly brilliant! She’s playful and cuddly but also knows how to settle down; she loves her walks and her naps, doesn’t bark, listens really well, and doesn't get into much mischief for a young dog. To most people, she’d be the perfect dog, and she plays loads with my first one.
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Maybe because your dog is getting on a bit, you subconsciously felt you were ready to close the chapter on living with a pet once he’s gone. Now that you’ve adopted the little one, you’ve probably realised you’re in it for many more years to come.
But a naturally anxious dog isn't going to fall head over heels for a big change straight away. They don't hate it either; they’re just nervous. They simply need to get the measure of things, find their feet, and get to know the little one...
It’s a journey you’ve brought into your home with this little fluffball.
Is it different? Yes. Is it bad for your dog? Not necessarily... Anxious dogs often like having a steady companion to help them face life’s little oddities.
The little one is going to grow up and gain confidence. It’s only been a week. It’s early days, far too soon to make a proper call on the situation.
To know if your first dog is truly and completely put off by the new arrival, or if you’ll never love her, etc...
I’ve always had several dogs rescued from here and there (rescues, abuse cases, etc.). Every newcomer was respected, but they weren't necessarily welcomed with open paws by the others! 😂
Some had that instant bond, others didn't, but they all get along well.
Just like with humans, there’s love at first sight (like with your first dog) and then there’s the kind of love that you build over time...
I don't think it's surprising that you haven't necessarily had that instant spark with the little one. Love at first sight doesn't happen every single time.
But that doesn't mean a beautiful relationship can't grow from this.
I can really relate to many of the stories shared above; life has a funny way of working out sometimes—we adopt an animal we think we’ll never be able to love, only for them to fill our hearts once we’ve given them a proper chance.
You had that "love at first sight" feeling with your first dog, but not with the second. However, like many people have mentioned, I’m also in the "don’t fall head over heels at first glance" camp.
My pets are living beings, just like a complete stranger who might eventually become a friend or something more; I don’t get attached immediately without knowing who they are.
The relationship I have with my animals grows out of the things we do together and getting to know one another—a mutual discovery.
Quite simply, I learn about them, I discover their personalities, and over time, they turn out to be funny, they like this or that, and a bond starts to form.
I’m convinced it’s exactly the same for the animals. Except for my little nutcase, who fell in love with me the second we met 😅.
But a puppy who has just left their home and littermates, a stray cat, a dog from a rescue...
They love the home I’m providing, they love the security, they love their walks and their cozy spots to sleep, but they don’t actually know me yet.
They learn my tone of voice, they learn how I react, and they start to form an attachment to me.
The difference is that I’m aware of this. So, I don’t worry at all about not "loving" a new arrival straight away.
It doesn’t mean I hate them... it just means I don’t stress myself out about it. To me, it’s only natural to get to know each other and build a relationship and mutual trust.
I will admit, though, that I get a lot of joy out of the discovery phase, even before I really enjoy their company. I love finding out if this one likes swimming, if that one likes scent work, if another likes playing fetch or roughhousing, and so on.
But perhaps you aren't finding that joy—or any pleasure at all—simply because you have this feeling that you SHOULD love them, which just isn't the case (for now).
Just like with trying to get to sleep, the enemy of love is trying too hard or "forcing" it.
As for feeling like you aren’t enjoying your dog anymore, is that really the case? Are you no longer going for walks, having cuddles, or playing together? Or is it just... different?
You mentioned your dog is nervous around the little one. But these things take time to adjust. A well-adjusted, confident dog (which your newest one will likely become, since she was adopted young) can be a huge support for a dog with a more fearful nature.
I’m going to sound heartless (some people already think I am 😅), but with every adoption, it takes me a few months to really bond with the latest arrival.
It doesn't worry me because I know it happens eventually.
But at the start, I need time... I take them in in a bit of a "functional" way; what I mean is that I focus on meeting their needs, nothing more, nothing less. Then, bit by bit, as we go on adventures and I start to spot their "little" quirks and those tiny details that make them unique, the bond forms and they truly become my dogs.
It’s completely normal that you don’t have the same bond or feelings or relationship—whatever words you want to use—with a dog who has only been there for a week compared to your other dog. However perfect this new girl is, you don’t have a shared history yet. Your first one was different; your first is always your first, and back then, you didn't have anything to compare it to...
As for the relationship between the two of them, or the feeling that this new dog might come between you and him, that’s a purely human perception. He’s got everything to gain! He’s got his owner plus a new mate. Dogs don't keep score.
Give yourself some time. As @Boxy mentioned, this is the worst period for rescues. As long as you can take care of the basics, give yourself time for the rest.
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Sorry to say, but what a dog wants most from a human isn’t love: it’s security and a lifestyle that matches their activity levels and socialisation needs. I reckon she can find that with you. Bonding is rarely instant, and I think your first dog would benefit massively from a bit of a "disruptive" influence on your relationship; being too close is never particularly healthy in my opinion...
Why are you being so hard on yourself? Your reaction is perfectly human. If you felt that spark at the start, it's still there; it’s just that bringing a new pet home can put you under a huge amount of pressure.
It takes time to find a new balance, a routine, and to get things on an even keel.
We humans are creatures of habit, and disrupting that routine can really take its toll, but that doesn't mean we can't adapt — because more than anything, humans are incredibly resilient.
The questions you’re asking yourself are sensible and important. Yes, a new arrival is a massive upheaval; you have to get to know them, build trust, and understand each other. But the feelings you had at the very beginning are still there, they’re just currently lost in the emotional whirlwind that's hit you.
You don’t have to split yourself in two, and you don’t have to neglect one to please the other. You’re certainly not a monster for having these doubts.
A week isn’t long at all, but it’s enough time to feel a bit fragile — the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of not loving the next one as much. But we don’t love them less; we just love them differently, with different levels of intensity.
We all have that "soulmate" pet with whom we share something extraordinary. But the real magic is the day when, during some everyday activity, you catch the eye of your "ugly duckling" and suddenly realise the bond is right there. Whether it’s during a play session or a run, it’s that moment when your brain finally lets go and you realise the love has been there all along.
It can take a bit of time, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love her. It just means she’s her own character, you’re you, and just like any relationship, you have to learn from one another to grow together.
Anyway, I’d just like to remind you that this is the worst possible time to take her to the RSPCA or any other rescue centre.
There are far too many pets being surrendered during the summer, and the sheer volume of dogs looking for homes makes it much harder for them to find a new family.
She’s only been with you for just over a week, so give yourselves some time to get to know each other and get used to having her around.
Otherwise, try to keep hold of her until your sister is ready to take her in.
It’s been just over a week now and I honestly feel like something isn’t right. I think at the end of the day it’s like anything else, you just click with some more than others, whether it’s people or animals, and you only really find that out after a bit of time. It’s hard to tell after just one visit to the rescue centre. My dog loves playing with her, but when they're out on walks she just charges right at him at full tilt, and now he’s scared whenever she comes near him too fast. He’s a rescue who was mistreated in the past, so it really breaks my heart. I also feel bad for the new dog because I honestly don't feel anything for her, and I keep thinking she deserves to be with someone who loves her unconditionally, the way I love my first dog. To me, it doesn't feel like "puppy blues" because she’s actually even better than I’d hoped, as I mentioned before. That’s also why I’m worried that things won’t change.
They’ll adjust their behaviour—well, especially your new girl—or it’s something that can be sorted with training. Are you aiming for such perfection that you're making yourself miserable? Or is it just an excuse to justify the feeling that it’s not going to work out? It’s hard to bond with a dog after just one visit to a rescue, but she’s only been with you for a week. That’s a very short time to love a dog unconditionally, especially compared to the feelings you have for your first one, and we all know those bonds are often different anyway. So if you keep comparing them, you’re bound to find reasons to think something is "off." With puppy blues, it’s not always the dog that’s the problem.
