My girlfriend and I are in a really difficult spot.
For the past fortnight, the neighbours' cat (from a row of five small terraced houses) has started living with us. She's a small cat (between 6 months and a year old, although in just two weeks the owner has told us she’s 1, then 18 months, then 2...) who first turned up out of curiosity.
Since she was a bit skinny, I gave her some food and we played with her all afternoon. We then went to see the neighbours to let them know and to see if they wanted her back if she couldn't get in: "No problem, she'll manage", they said. Then she came back the next day and didn't budge for three days (slowly exploring the whole house). Last night we left the door open so she wouldn't have to sleep in the garden again, then we went back to tell the owner: your cat slept at ours; we don't mind, but just so you know, we always leave a door or window open so she can get back in. Response: "That's strange, she doesn't usually do that. Stop feeding her because she has a sensitive stomach, and so she'll at least go home for food". OK, we didn't feed her for two days but it made no difference; the cat stayed, and by the third day we caved in and gave her some dry food because she was so persistent. The week goes by, the cat sleeps at ours every day and still no word from the owners. So we go back to see them and say: your cat is living with us full-time, if you like, we can take over her care (we'd like to take off her flea collar as she's always wandering through branches, and get her neutered as there are cats everywhere on the estate). And then, a flat refusal: "She's our cat, we're attached to her, just close your windows and stop feeding her." She also confirmed the cat had only been home once for an hour, and she’d had to lock her in just to keep her there that long...
Translated from French
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I agree with Docline—the first thing you should do is take her to the vet to see if she’s microchipped. It’s a free service and only takes a few minutes; you don't even need an appointment.
If she is chipped, she legally belongs to your neighbours... but I highly doubt she is, as she hasn't been spayed...
In that case, there isn’t much you can do. You could stop feeding her, but she knows where she’s best off and she’ll just keep coming back... or you could just carry on as you are but DON'T SAY A WORD TO THEM... and since they don't really look after her, it shouldn't bother them.
A third option would be to contact a local rescue.
If she isn’t microchipped, you can consider her yours and look into taking her on properly.
But I imagine a decision like that would be hard for your neighbours to swallow and could lead to a bit of a row, given how they’re currently reacting... have a proper think about that side of things before you make your mind up.
Personally, I’m going to take the neighbour's side on this one.
You say the cat is moving in, but you’re clearly doing everything you can to make it stay—providing food, a litter tray, a scratching post, letting it sleep over...
The owner probably doesn’t want to knock on your door every night because they don’t want to be a nuisance, and what’s the point if the cat is just going to head straight back anyway? They aren't going to keep it locked inside if it's used to going outdoors.
If you "cut ties" with the cat (no more food, no more litter... sending it on its way), it’ll stop coming round.
You could always get a cat of your very own by visiting the RSPCA or a local rescue centre! :)
If the cat isn't bothering you in your own home, then just let him come into the garden; the cat repellent was only in case his presence was a nuisance to you.
In my opinion, calling the police isn't a great idea. I don't think they'll do anything anyway since there's no actual neglect, and your neighbours probably took it the wrong way when you asked them to hand the cat over if they were struggling to cope. It's a bit like telling them they aren't looking after him properly.
The best thing to do is just let him go where he wants and stop taking him back to them. If he wants to go home, he'll find his own way or they'll come and look for him (maybe).
Just get on with your life with him hanging around and don't discuss it with your neighbours anymore—it's for the best. Either way, you'll always be in the wrong as far as they're concerned.
I'd suggest avoiding feeding him because, as they've already done, they might blame you if he gets ill. But then again, you're well within your rights to feed him since he's in your garden. I reckon if they see he isn't coming home anymore, they'll either come looking or they won't give a toss and he'll just stay with you. Good luck!
To start with, take her to the vet to see if she’s microchipped (reception can do this for free and it only takes a minute); that’s the first thing you need to find out.
(And if he isn't microchipped and you want to keep him, get him chipped in your name. He’ll be your cat from then on, as he’s clearly chosen you!)
Good evening!
Thanks for your replies, they’re all a bit different :)
To @Capucine444: I’m going to try not to feed her for a while. I admit it won’t be easy since we spend all day and most of the night together, but I don’t want to get into an open conflict with them either. To be honest, I’m mostly worried about the cat, as she seems to be showing signs of anxiety.
What is a recorded delivery letter?
To answer @Kelinda, I don’t think it’s up to me to make sure the neighbour's cat doesn’t come over (and I don’t plan on spending any money just to keep them happy, especially given how little consideration they’ve shown). In a way, it’s more a case of her coming to me than me 'keeping' her: there’s always a door open so she can leave as she pleases, she sometimes comes outside with me when I’m leaving, and I’ve never locked her in my house. Finally, I’m really not sure if she’s microchipped (I haven't brought it up and the owner has never mentioned it).
Actually, these two replies highlight my dilemma—I agree with both. It shouldn’t be my job to look after her, but then again, I wouldn’t have to if they were doing it properly (I should mention that the owner explained to us that her cat is used to wandering from garden to garden, though it’s the first time we’ve actually seen her—but since she’s been at our place, she hasn’t budged at all). These situations seem quite common and run-of-the-mill with cats, and I’d never refuse to let them see her or come and pick her up. But they aren't even making the effort. I’m going to try and speak to the police tomorrow, to see if there are any mediators available etc.
YES, plenty of cats who’ve got into the habit of going out only come home to eat. It isn’t negligence; some just prefer being outdoors.
The best thing is not to feed him so he doesn’t keep coming back, and maybe install some motion-activated sprinklers so the cat stops visiting. Or you could give him a quick spray of water as soon as he comes into your house.
You can’t keep him if he’s microchipped. The fact that he spends so much time outside is the cat's own choice, and it’s likely your place is just quieter than his own home.
As long as he isn’t skin and bones and the owners are feeding him, they are free to let him roam, and cats love that.
To keep the peace and avoid any conflict with your neighbours or the police—if you keep him when he’s chipped in their name, it is theft. Even if your intentions are good and you want to look after him, he isn’t yours and it’s not your place to do so.
Clearly your neighbours aren't too worried... actually, they’ve got it pretty easy: they claim the cat is theirs but are perfectly happy for you to be the one feeding him.
The thing is, cats have a sixth sense and choose their own owners and where they want to live; they basically go wherever is most convenient and comfortable for them. Someone should probably explain that to the young girl who’s been shouting at you, although I do understand why she's upset.
Maybe try not feeding him or letting him in for 4 or 5 days (don’t worry, cats are very resilient and won't let themselves starve), and perhaps he’ll head back to "his owners" on his own.
If he comes back again, it means he doesn't feel at home in "his" house. At that point, it might be worth speaking to a vet or looking into the legal side of things so you don't get into any trouble. You could even send your neighbours a letter by recorded delivery explaining the situation, making it clear that the cat is the one who keeps coming back and that you can't exactly barricade your home to keep him out.
My aunt ended up taking in a neighbour’s cat out of necessity; he was well-treated by his owners, but he’d just decided he wanted to live elsewhere. Luckily, in that case, both families get along well, so it’s all worked out fine.
It’s been a real shock as I just can't understand this kind of attitude. If they’re so worried about their cat, why don’t they come and ask for her back in the evening? Why, after a week and a half, haven't they had a rethink?
The next day, since the cat was still at our place, I took her back to the owner for the fourth time. I put her inside the house and told them bluntly that they need to look after their cat if they want her to stay with them. She stayed for three hours, and as soon as they let her out, she came right back to us. Since then, their son (about 7 years old) has been sneakily peeking through our kitchen window to see if his cat is there. The daughter (around 13) shouts insults at us from her garden, calling us "arseholes trying to steal their cat". And still no word from the owner; not once has she come to ring the bell to get her back. We’ve had to buy a litter tray because the cat keeps doing her business in our garden (which is tiny) and the smell was getting really unpleasant. We also had to get a scratching post, otherwise our sofa would have been ruined.
I don't want to steal anyone’s cat, but it seems she’s decided otherwise. Not feeding her is heartbreaking because she doesn't seem to want to go home and she begs for food constantly (especially if she gets shut in for hours whenever she does go back—she spends most of her time outdoors anyway). I don’t want to keep shooing her away or taking her back every time she comes in, especially since she’s so settled here (it’s quiet, no kids, etc.). I think we’ve been more than fair with them and have given them enough warnings to have a clear conscience, but at the same time, my girlfriend is worried about potential repercussions. And what about the cat in all this? Should we involve the police? Keep taking the cat back constantly? I’d love to be able to just kick her out, but doing it ten times a day is mentally draining, and knowing she isn't happy there (artificial grass, the daughter calling her "the stupid thing", etc.) doesn't help either.
