My girlfriend and I are in a really difficult spot.
For the past fortnight, the neighbours' cat (from a row of five small terraced houses) has started living with us. She's a small cat (between 6 months and a year old, although in just two weeks the owner has told us she’s 1, then 18 months, then 2...) who first turned up out of curiosity.
Since she was a bit skinny, I gave her some food and we played with her all afternoon. We then went to see the neighbours to let them know and to see if they wanted her back if she couldn't get in: "No problem, she'll manage", they said. Then she came back the next day and didn't budge for three days (slowly exploring the whole house). Last night we left the door open so she wouldn't have to sleep in the garden again, then we went back to tell the owner: your cat slept at ours; we don't mind, but just so you know, we always leave a door or window open so she can get back in. Response: "That's strange, she doesn't usually do that. Stop feeding her because she has a sensitive stomach, and so she'll at least go home for food". OK, we didn't feed her for two days but it made no difference; the cat stayed, and by the third day we caved in and gave her some dry food because she was so persistent. The week goes by, the cat sleeps at ours every day and still no word from the owners. So we go back to see them and say: your cat is living with us full-time, if you like, we can take over her care (we'd like to take off her flea collar as she's always wandering through branches, and get her neutered as there are cats everywhere on the estate). And then, a flat refusal: "She's our cat, we're attached to her, just close your windows and stop feeding her." She also confirmed the cat had only been home once for an hour, and she’d had to lock her in just to keep her there that long...
Translated from French
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Evening! Thanks for all the slightly different replies :) To @Capucine444: I’m going to try not to feed her for a while. I’ll admit it won’t be easy as we spend all day and a good part of the night together, but I don’t want to end up in a full-blown row with them. Actually, I’m mostly worried about the cat, as she seems to be showing signs of anxiety. What’s a recorded delivery letter? To answer @Kelinda, I don’t think it’s up to me to make sure the neighbour's cat doesn’t come round (and I’m certainly not going to spend any money just to keep them happy, especially given how little consideration they’ve shown). In a way, it’s more that she comes to me than me keeping her: a door is always left open so she can come and go as she pleases, she sometimes comes outside with me when I’m leaving, and I’ve never locked her in the house. Finally, I’m really not sure if she’s microchipped (I haven’t brought it up and the owner has never mentioned it). In fact, these two replies really highlight my dilemma—I agree with both... It’s not my job to look after her, but at the same time, I wouldn’t have to do it if they were doing it properly (I should mention the owner told us her cat is used to wandering from garden to garden, though this is the first time we’ve really seen her, and since she’s been with us, she hasn’t budged). These situations seem quite common with cats and there’s no way I’d refuse to let them see her or come and get her. But they aren’t even making the effort. I’m going to try and see the police tomorrow to see if there are any mediators and so on.
Hi, I’ve only just seen your message. Any news on your "squatter"?
You’ve made the right decision, even though I’m sure it must have been tough letting that cat go.
As for the new little one, depending on her age (at least 3 months old), you might find that her mum hasn't taught her bite inhibition. You’ll need to give her a very firm "NO" if she tries to bite or scratch you, and stop interacting with her for a bit. Also, remember to sort out flea and tick treatments and worming, since the kitten was living outside and clearly had a feral mum.
All that can wait until later, though... for now, just accept that she’s going to hide. Let her settle in and explore her new home. When you see her, try sitting or lying down nearby and just talk to her so she gets used to your voice. Give her an item of clothing that smells of you and try to get her playing—maybe with a feather wand or a ball. You can then try offering a little treat from your fingertips. Be patient and let her come to you in her own time.
Enjoy getting to know each other!
Honestly, some neighbours... they don't even get their cats spayed. I really don't understand why it's not compulsory.
Was it that cat that had the litter, or a different one?
Don't worry about them getting used to being indoors. My eldest, who spent the first six months of her life on the streets, adapted really well. She used to hide on a chair under the table too. The background noise changes so suddenly, and it takes time for them to process all the new sounds. That said, do try to coax them out of their hiding spot fairly regularly—without forcing it, though. Use play; for instance, kittens can rarely resist a fishing rod toy. It helps build their confidence and lets them get to know the place, which is really important if the kitten is a bit timid.
Hi everyone,
Since you were all so helpful, I wanted to give you an update on how things are going. We finally managed to chase away the neighbour’s cat. It was really difficult—she’d sit by our window even in the pouring rain, and even after being sprayed with water she kept coming back, but we’ve finally sorted it.
Some friends of friends found a mother cat and four little kittens in their garden (they’ve just been weaned). They’d managed to catch the mum and one of the kittens, leaving three of them alone in the garden. In the end, we managed to catch one ourselves (none of the three would let us get near them) and brought her home today. For now, she’s hiding as much as she can, so we’re giving her plenty of space to help her settle in. We’re hoping she’ll take to us soon, though we’re keeping in mind she’s probably never lived indoors before.
Thanks again to everyone for all the advice which helped us make our decision! I’ll probably be back very soon for more of your expert tips ;)
I think you’ve made the right decision... considering your neighbour’s temperament.
Why not think about getting a cat that is truly yours? There are plenty in rescue centres at the moment... that way you can give a little animal all the love you have and you won't have any worries.
Personally, I’m still inclined to agree with @kikaah (if that's actually your name 😂, lol, revenge!). Without wanting to criticise you at all, I do get the impression from what you’re saying that this cat wasn’t in bad health at all when you decided to look after her. Getting a cat spayed isn’t a legal requirement, so you can’t really blame someone for not doing it (nor even for not having her microchipped, as that’s a matter for the authorities, not the neighbours).
That said, I do still understand, and perhaps you’re regretting that kind-hearted instinct to go and find the owner, because now she has a name to put to a face; this neighbour knows it’s you who has her cat from time to time...
The problem is that from now on, even if you don’t do anything, if something happens to that cat, this neighbour will come and give you grief at your door if she’s anything like you’ve described.
Throwing the cat to the dog wasn't exactly a brilliant idea from the caretaker.
A bloated tummy can be a sign of worms, I think, or of course, pregnancy.
You did the right thing by keeping as much distance as possible from your neighbours; they’ll only bring you trouble and stress. Admittedly, the cat won't have his "other home" anymore, but at the end of the day, he isn't yours and it's not up to you to look after him, even if it's really to your credit that you've cared for him.
He'll probably find shelter in another garden, and who knows, your neighbours might move away and leave the cat with you one day.
Don't beat yourself up; you were right to look after him, but if you keep it up, you'll be the one needing therapy dealing with those nutty neighbours. Maybe they'll eventually end up looking after their cat a bit more themselves.
Good evening everyone and thanks for all your varied replies!
We’ve finally made the decision, though not without some sadness, to discourage this little cat from coming round for good. We’ve been doing a bit of digging and it turns out our neighbour (as we’d already suspected) is a real piece of work. She leaves her bins out for days just to annoy the caretaker, signs dodgy petitions—basically, she’s a nightmare for everyone and is well known for it in the complex. It’s awful for the cat, but getting into a proper row with that kind of person is a headache we just don't need, and we’d rather protect ourselves. Plus, we can’t morally justify spaying and microchipping a cat when the owner refuses to let us help. We’re going to make an effort to stay out of the garden for a few days, keeping the shutters closed, no more food, etc. If she still tries to come back, we’ll have to try more direct methods like a bit of water or some repellent. The caretaker even suggested we catch her and chuck her into the garden of a neighbour who has two big dogs... People round here really have a strange way of dealing with animals.
Right now, we feel like absolute monsters for giving the cat a taste of the good life when it just wasn't possible long-term. I feel terrible and I really hope we can make another little cat happy in the future. This experience will definitely be a lesson for us if another one ever decides they want to move in.
One last question: the little cat’s belly looks a bit swollen. It’s not glaringly obvious, but given how aggressive she is with other cats that come into our garden, is it possible she’s pregnant? Could that be why she turned up at our place?
Just so you know, an 'RAR' is basically a recorded delivery letter... but to be honest, I don't think it’ll solve the problem... you’ll have proof they’ve received your letter but that’s all... and it won’t do your relationship any favours... quite the opposite. In my opinion, the best thing is to stop talking to them about it.
The police won't do anything. They have bigger fish to fry... (pardon the pun)...
Finally, there are local mediators available to help talk through neighbour disputes, but they can only step in if both sides are willing to cooperate...
