my kitten is attacking me, what should I do?

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Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some help because I’m starting to lose my patience a bit.

I have a kitten who seems to have a "split personality"; sometimes he’s absolutely adorable and plays nicely with all his toys, but other times he becomes a real tyrant, ESPECIALLY with me.

To give you a bit of context (which might explain his behaviour), we adopted him about 3 weeks ago, so he must be just over 3 months old now. At the moment, we’re living in a house with a dog that the cat is terrified of, so we keep him in our two bedrooms. This is about 320 square feet in total, including one room of about 110 square feet which is just for him with his toys, bowls, litter tray, and scratching post. We put him in there at night so he doesn’t get used to sleeping with us, but during the day he also has access to our bedroom as well as his own room.

To put it simply, sometimes when I go into the bedroom and just sit on my bed, he gives me a death stare, waits patiently until I’m not looking, and then pounces on me, scratching and biting. I’ve tried everything: scruffing him, saying no, or just letting him do it until he calms down (but it does hurt quite a bit). Nothing works... when I pick him up by the scruff, as soon as I put him back down, he goes right back on the attack. Yet, I play with him for at least two hours a day and he has everything he needs at all times.

So, the only solution I’ve found is leaving him alone in the room, but it makes me sad because I’d love to be able to watch a film in peace without having to shut him away, or just read or have a rest.

We’re moving into a flat in a few days where he’ll have more space and a balcony for some fresh air; he just won’t have access to our bedroom. However, I’m worried that I won't be able to sit in front of the TV in peace because of these attacks. For information, he doesn’t do this with my partner, who smacks him as soon as he bites. But with my partner, he bites to play, whereas with me, it feels like he’s actually attacking.

So, if you have any advice, that would be great, as I’ve always lived with dogs and never with cats, so I’m not really sure what to do.

Sorry for the long post, I’m just trying to describe the situation as best I can.

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    Nataly03 Icon representing the flag French
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    Greylox Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there,

    Are you playing with him using your hands directly? It sounds like your friend is? If so, both of you need to stop right away. A cat (especially a kitten) isn't going to distinguish between "human as a toy" and "human for cuddles" (or at least it takes a huge amount of time, skill, and patience). You need to make the choice for him; you aren't a toy, so don't play with him directly with your hands (or feet).

    Regarding toys, he absolutely needs a "kicker" or wrestling toy to let off steam. I’m not sure what the soft toy you mentioned looks like, but this type of thing works really well: https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/611yPXF3WpL._SL1500_.jpg

    This kind of toy is essential. If you watch kittens together, you'll see they often play-fight. Your kitten only has you to play with now. Offer him an alternative as soon as he starts getting wound up with you.

    To get him playing, you need to get him running around a lot (but stop if he starts panting like a dog). Your kitten is a bundle of energy; just dangling a bit of string in front of his nose, for example, isn't going to be enough :)

    Don't leave his toys out all the time, as he’ll get bored of them quickly. You should put them away and rotate which ones are available.

    After play sessions, it's best to feed him or at least give him a treat.

    Just a reminder: cats are nocturnal animals, so prioritise playing with him in the evening. The best approach is to do several 15 to 20-minute sessions then, followed by the morning and afternoon.

    EDIT: And forget about smacking him! You’re hitting him for acting like a cat. It’s a bit like hitting a child for playing. It’s up to you to understand your cat and manage these aggressive behaviours by having the right reactions and techniques, not the other way around. And as mentioned earlier in the thread, if you play with this kitten with your hands, you’re responsible for this.

    PS: Your kitten was separated from his mum and littermates too early; he should have spent these last three weeks with them. It’s too late to turn back the clock now, though.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Yeah, the problem is it feels like he’s "provoking" me. He stares at me with dilated pupils, sometimes his fur even stands on end, and then he pounces on me—he’s even jumped at my face before. I don’t think he’s doing it to be playful. I go and check on him in his room at least every two hours; when he’s asleep, I give him a quick stroke for a couple of minutes then leave him in peace, and when I see he’s awake, I play with him for anything from 20 minutes to an hour.

    He’s got a cat tree (a big three-storey one), a feather wand with bells, a rolling mouse, empty toilet roll tubes (he absolutely loves those), a proper ball circuit toy, a cardboard box to hide in, and other hiding spots. He’s also got a big snake soft toy, so I’d have thought he’s got plenty of toys, hasn't he?

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi, Cats are all a bit bipolar :D They’ll be sleeping peacefully one minute and tearing around the house the next. Your cat is young, so he needs plenty of play. Cats just love grabbing onto hands and feet and having a little nibble. Does he have enough toys to keep him occupied? Do you play with him? Cats really need to burn off their energy, and playing is also a brilliant way to bond with them. It’s quite easy, too—just a simple feather wand or a bit of string, and they go absolutely mad for it.
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