My cat's behaviour towards me has completely changed...

Yes, after listening to your advice, I’ve come to the conclusion that it wasn't actually my cat with a problem, but me!!! So I’d decided to wait a bit but keep a close eye on things.

Even though she’s still being fiercely independent, she brought me a little mouse this morning (yuck, but I made sure to thank her... 😉), which has really reassured me about both her health and our bond. Mind you, I did find myself wondering for a split second if the 'gift' was actually meant for my husband! 👎

I’m going to give her a bit more space, I promise!

Don’t stress too much. As I said above, it’s only a "just in case" thing, but if she’s eating well, using her litter tray, and carrying on with life as normal, there’s not much chance the vet will find anything wrong.

As for your question (this is just based on things I’ve read and my own intuition, so I can’t guarantee it’s the full explanation): in the wild, cats are both predators and prey. As prey, they can’t afford to show any weakness. What we interpret as "pride" is actually more of an instinctive defence mechanism.

But you shouldn't go to the other extreme and worry yourself sick every time your cat’s behaviour changes. You have to be vigilant and find that middle ground between constant, unjustified anxiety—which might eventually damage your bond with her—and the "couldn't care less" attitude I sometimes see on here, where people wait until their cat is in a really bad way before... coming to ask questions on this forum (instead of just calling their vet).

You say her behaviour has already shifted and she’s coming back to you? Forget the vet for the time being; to me, that’s proof that the issue was definitely behavioural.

First of all, thank you both so much for your replies — they really mean a lot to me.

As for a trip to the vet, yes, I suppose it'll be unavoidable.

I was just trying to hold off for once, because I have a tendency — as you've probably both noticed given my rather anxious nature (🙄) — to rush her there at the first sneeze, the slightest runny eye, or a redness I've imagined on her paw pad (I think I must be an absolute nightmare for any vet).

I just had a feeling she wasn't actually ill and that the problem was more on my end, especially since I've read so many times that cats, the great hedonists that they are, are incredibly sensitive to atmosphere, crave peace and quiet, and will leg it at full speed from anything that threatens their sense of calm!

And it's true, as you've both pointed out, that she's growing up and has always been so curious and independent…

(On a side note, @Greylox — being straightforward, especially when it comes from a kind place, is nothing to apologise for!)

I'll give the remote-controlled toy a go, though I do think that when you're that kind of predator and you've had a taste of warm, real prey you can actually sink your teeth into, it's a bit like chewing gum when you could be tucking into a lovely sea bass with fennel 😌!!!!

Giving her a bit more space — I think I just needed to hear someone say it out loud!

Yes, @Tigresse, my little panther is indeed spayed and therefore can't be pregnant (she's 2 years old), and yes, you read the situation well: I'm not going through the easiest time at the moment. Things were a bit better today, and funnily enough, she's just come and settled on my keyboard — after licking my fingers and having a good nibble of my hair, she's fallen asleep… I should mention that, sensing I'd been smothering her a bit too much, I had actually given her a bit more breathing room since yesterday…

Cats are so complex and so different from one another…

Anyway, I'll ring the vet first thing tomorrow — I don't want to miss something that could be a real illness. I just need to stop myself from demanding they see her immediately, because the suggestion you've both made that she might be unwell has got me a little worried all the same (I honestly didn't know, despite how much I dote on them, that cats hide their pain… Do you know why?!)

Thanks again for your messages 🙂

Hi there,

First off, a quick trip to the vet would be a good idea. Cats are masters of disguise when it comes to pain and usually won’t show it; I’ve often read on here that they are experts at hiding any discomfort. A change in behaviour can often be a sign of an underlying health issue. So, just to be on the safe side...

Otherwise, if we rule out any health problems... and sorry for being so blunt, but yes, I think she needs you to give her some space.

Behaviour-wise, you’ve already got all the answers in your question. The more she avoids you, the more you go after her; the more she avoids you, the more you worry (and she can sense your nervousness). Your husband doesn’t demand her attention, so she gives it to him instead. Without wanting to sound "feline sexist" :), I’ve often noticed this behaviour in female cats more than males (based on the fifteen or so cats I’ve got to know over the years).

At two years old, your cat is now a proper adult (plus the fact she goes outdoors reinforces that sense of independence, which is actually a good thing for her :) ). This doesn't mean she’s going to ignore you forever or that it’ll get worse, just that she’s grown up a bit and now prefers to decide when she wants contact. I know it’s hard to let go of that intense, "joined-at-the-hip" bond we often have with our pets, and we frequently worry that if we ignore them, the connection will break. Her behaviour with your husband shows you that’s not the case at all. I saw the same thing with my dad when I was a kid; he wasn’t really a "cat person" (and had a very laid-back personality) and he’d invariably end up with both our cats curled up on his lap every evening, whereas that never happened with the rest of the family (he ended up being very proud of it and became just as much of a cat fan as my mum and us kids over time ^^).

So, hang in there (you have my full support :) ), "ignore" her for a while and you’ll see that she’ll eventually come to you. In the meantime, you can communicate with her in other ways:

Eye contact: When you catch her eye, do a few "slow blinks". If she blinks back or looks away, it means the message has been received. You’ve just told her you trust her (essentially saying "I’m closing my eyes, I trust you not to attack me"), and by looking away or blinking back, she’s telling you she trusts you too.

Play: Even though she already hunts outside, there’s nothing stopping you from offering a play session regularly. Just don’t use your hands or feet; use a wand toy or something similar instead. Firstly, you’ll get to see her in action (which is great fun), and secondly, you’ll establish that you’re a hunting partner rather than prey. Playing is a brilliant way to bond and socialise with cats.