My cat keeps going to my neighbours', what should I do?

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Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone,

We adopted our cat from the RSPCA when he was about 6 months old. He’s originally from French Guiana and he’s the type of cat who hates being stuck indoors.

He’s nearly 2 years old now, and for the last 3 or 4 months, he’s got into the habit of frequently going to my neighbours' house. At first, we didn't know where he was; sometimes he’d be gone for a few days before reappearing out of thin air. While I was out for a walk, I spotted him sleeping in my neighbours' conservatory. I went to see them and made it clear that he’s microchipped and belongs to me, and that we were worried sick about him. Hypocrites that they are, they told us it wasn't a problem and that they wouldn't let him inside anymore.

A while later, the disappearing acts started again, to the point where we didn't see him for a whole week. We ended up printing and putting flyers through all the doors in the area with a photo of him, saying how much we missed him and hoped to see him soon.

Shortly after, having my suspicions, I went to see if he was at the neighbours' anyway. There he was, asleep in their conservatory. I thought they just hadn't seen him and that there was no need to worry, feeling relieved to have found him. But walking past later, I saw my neighbour giving him cuddles inside their house. That was the last straw. To be sure, I went back the next day to see if he was still there. He was still sleeping in the conservatory.

I went over to the neighbours', a bit annoyed, and told them to shoo my cat away as soon as he turned up. The issue isn't him wandering over there, it's that they keep letting him into their home.

A while later, same problem. Our cat was away (though for less time), but I kept seeing him in the conservatory, asleep. I went over again.

They actually had the nerve to tell me it wasn't their fault if he came over, but ours, even though we’ve always treated him so well—changing his food frequently to see what he likes best, playing with him all the time, and giving him plenty of affection. They say it’s our problem. I politely asked them to scare him off immediately. Walking past 20 minutes later, he was still there.

We’ve even seen our cat locked in their conservatory when no one was even home. My mum is making herself ill over it, thinking it’s our fault. We’re paying vet bills almost every month, and it really adds up. We’ve thought about reporting them or calling the RSPCA/police.

My neighbours just won't listen to reason. What do you think?

Thanks for your help

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    I think keeping him shut in during the day might actually make things worse, a bit like "I'd better dash out now before I can't".

    He'll probably come back less often because he'll be worried about not being able to go out as he pleases...

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    A
    Aycarmela33 Icon representing the flag French
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    You might have mentioned it already, but what’s actually wrong with your cat?

    Are you sure it’s not possible to have a proper talk with them again before things get to an extreme? I’m not sure the police would get involved in something like this... you’re likely to have a real struggle on your hands!

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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Update: We’re thinking about keeping him in for a bit during the day to try and get him back into the habit of staying at home. We’re also going to buy a cat tree so he can enjoy the conservatory. Our cat has just come back from the neighbours’ (he’d been there since yesterday evening) and he won't stop scratching. I’m going to go and see them so they can come to the vet with us, and I'll be making them pay for the vet bill and the medication provided. The problem here is that they’re trying to claim our cat as their own, whistling to him and luring him in with treats. If he only wants to stay with them, we’ll send them a formal letter via recorded delivery asking them to shoo him away whenever they see him trying to get into their house and to stop feeding him. If they carry on, we’ll make it very clear that if they keep our cat shut in their house (which has already happened before), we’ll call the police so they can witness it and we can file a report. We’re also planning on moving house, but by the time we find a new place and move in, it could take a while. Too long, really. The fact is, we’re paying for the vet almost every month because he isn't getting his treatment since he’s always at their house. Thanks for your messages and for your different points of view, have a good day.
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    Marion17310
    Marion17310 Icon representing the flag French
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    I had a cat just like that when I was younger. He had several homes. He was "ours" originally, but he’d disappear for a few days at a time. We knew he had at least one other family. My cat was happy and so were we. It actually worked out quite well for us; he was a big Maine Coon type, so looking after his coat was a nightmare! When he came back from his second family, he looked lovely—all neat, no tangles, and the fur under his belly had been nicely trimmed. We used to groom him too, but we could never touch his belly. I must admit, it was a real win-win for us, haha!

    So yes, he had a second family, but did he love us any less? Of course not. He even got quite depressed when I moved out of my mum's house because I wasn't around as much (that’s what the vet said after checking him over), so I took him with me and everything went back to normal :)

    Now, the annoying part of your story is that your cat disappears for days, you post "missing" ads, and it never even occurs to your neighbours to let you know he’s with them.

    Then again, you can't really stop them from loving your cat, and you can't stop your cat from going back there. The only thing they should avoid doing is feeding your cat; having different types of food (different brands of dry food, for instance) isn't great for them. What are they giving him to eat? Maybe you could give him the same thing if it suits him?

    It’s still a bit out of order for your neighbours to keep your cat at their place for several days, even if he is being well looked after, when they know you’re not happy about it.

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    Aycarmela33 Icon representing the flag French
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    @Lodd: I agree with Maja, I’d try to have a chat over a nice cup of coffee. Your mum could explain that it makes her really sad and anxious not knowing where he is. You mentioned that you went to see the neighbours yourself, but has your mum spoken to them too? I'll say it again, you won't be able to stop him from visiting them, but you could try to explain that they shouldn't feed him, for example. Try to come to an agreement: if he stays at theirs for too long, they should let you know so you don't worry. Mind you, if you and your mum realise that nothing's working and the neighbours are ignoring what you've discussed, well... I’m only joking because they're under no obligation to pay, but you could suggest joint custody of the cat and ask to split the costs! Hand them a little bill as a gift with a biiiiig smile! 😇
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Mind you, I don't feel like I've "guilt-tripped" the OP at all, but at 16, you're old enough to realise that you can't force your neighbours to do something they don't want to do.

    Besides, whether you're shocked by what the neighbour is doing or not, what difference does it make? If the cat keeps going outside, nothing is going to stop it from heading back to the neighbours' and them feeding it...

    It's all well and good if you don't have many neighbours ;)

    But that's not how it is in the city, and I can't see owners going round every single house to have a "friendly chat" with the neighbours.

    Anyway, I've got work to do and no time to waste bickering over nothing.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there,

    I think they really should be able to see how distressed you are and how much it’s hurting you. At the very least, they could stop fussing over him so much and feeding him...

    If a cat started coming to my house regularly, I’d probably start getting a bit attached and would want to spoil him...

    But if the owner came over and politely explained that it was upsetting them, and I could see the cat was well looked after, I’d understand and back off a bit. I'd just give him a little treat, a quick stroke, and a "right then, off you go, that’s your lot!" to make the cat realise that he can pop by to say hello, but it's not his home...

    What I find a bit mean is that they’re still going over the top to keep him hanging around, even though you've explained how you feel...

    Then again, you have to tell yourself it could be worse—they could have kept him shut inside without you even knowing etc.

    At least this way he’s still able to leave...

    Maybe invite them over for a cuppa and try to appeal to their better nature: "I'm just so gutted about it etc."

    If they won't listen, I'm afraid there might not be much else you can do. Just try to tell yourself that he's happy, and that’s the main thing...

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    Aycarmela33 Icon representing the flag French
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    A cat isn't a dog; you're comparing two completely different animals! We put up with things from cats that we wouldn't with dogs because they have totally different lifestyles. One last thing and then I'll stop, because clearly I’m a "terrible owner", so I’m in the wrong, I know! 🙂

    What really shocks me is the way some people are replying; you can explain things to a 16-year-old lad without making him feel incredibly guilty!!! What shocks me is that nobody seems "shocked" by the fact that the neighbours have basically taken the cat for a week without saying a word to the owners (even though they knew exactly who the owners were!). But apparently, that doesn't bother anyone. As for neighbours being bothered by my cats "roaming", well, when I see them going into a particular garden often, I did something crazy—brace yourself: I went and had a friendly chat (yes, really, no need to be at each other's throats) with my neighbours to ask if it bothered them! Especially as one of them keeps chickens, and you know what? They replied just as nicely (honestly!!! It's a mad world) that it wasn't a problem at all! If there had been an issue, we would have sorted it out.

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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi again, Actually, speaking of that, it really grinds my gears seeing pet cats just roaming around town all the time (I can just about tolerate it in the middle of nowhere). We put up with things from cats that we’d never tolerate from a dog. On top of having strays using your garden as a giant litter tray, you have to deal with the neighbours' cats too. Personally, if a cat dares to venture into my garden, it’s unlikely to make it out alive if it runs into my Husky. But in that situation, who's going to be blamed and made out to be the villain, even though the dog is on its own property? Do you ever think about dog owners whose pets can't stand cats? They have to be on high alert constantly, worried a cat will suddenly dart out in front of them and make their dog bolt or pull on the lead. People will tell you that you need to have control over your dog. That's an easy answer, but is the owner of the roaming cat in control of their pet when they just let them wander off to do their own thing at the expense of everyone else's peace and quiet? Would you be okay with a big dog walking around town off-lead just because "it’s in its nature" to be free and not always stuck on a lead? So, before people come on here complaining that their cat got run over by a "mean driver" (who obviously did it on purpose!), poisoned by a neighbour (which I definitely don't agree with, for the record), or is hanging around someone else's house, just think about it for a second... I know my comment won't be popular, and owners of "roaming" cats will give me the usual speech about cats loving their freedom, but you aren't the only ones in the world.
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    Aycarmela33 Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there, If I’ve understood correctly, when he went missing for a week, you’d put up posters all over the neighbourhood? Your neighbours saw them and didn’t mention the cat was at their house? If that’s the case, I’d be more than a bit annoyed too... The least they could do is let you know to put your mind at rest... That said, I agree with the previous posts, you can’t really stop your cat from going into the neighbours' gardens. But where I don’t agree is that when a neighbourhood cat comes onto my patio, I don’t feed them, knowing full well it could lure them away from their family! It’s just common sense... And I have to say, this new trend of guilt-tripping people who let their cats go outside (yes, we let the cat out, we don't let them "roam") gets on my nerves a bit... I’m also a cat owner who lets her cats "roam" (shame on me!), being fully aware of the risks, but I live in a fairly quiet area; there’s still a little road nearby though, and cats love hunting and running around... I don’t want to go against their nature... Yes, there are more risks, but they’re happy going out...
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