My cat keeps going to my neighbours', what should I do?

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Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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Hi everyone,

We adopted our cat from the RSPCA when he was about 6 months old. He’s originally from French Guiana and he’s the type of cat who hates being stuck indoors.

He’s nearly 2 years old now, and for the last 3 or 4 months, he’s got into the habit of frequently going to my neighbours' house. At first, we didn't know where he was; sometimes he’d be gone for a few days before reappearing out of thin air. While I was out for a walk, I spotted him sleeping in my neighbours' conservatory. I went to see them and made it clear that he’s microchipped and belongs to me, and that we were worried sick about him. Hypocrites that they are, they told us it wasn't a problem and that they wouldn't let him inside anymore.

A while later, the disappearing acts started again, to the point where we didn't see him for a whole week. We ended up printing and putting flyers through all the doors in the area with a photo of him, saying how much we missed him and hoped to see him soon.

Shortly after, having my suspicions, I went to see if he was at the neighbours' anyway. There he was, asleep in their conservatory. I thought they just hadn't seen him and that there was no need to worry, feeling relieved to have found him. But walking past later, I saw my neighbour giving him cuddles inside their house. That was the last straw. To be sure, I went back the next day to see if he was still there. He was still sleeping in the conservatory.

I went over to the neighbours', a bit annoyed, and told them to shoo my cat away as soon as he turned up. The issue isn't him wandering over there, it's that they keep letting him into their home.

A while later, same problem. Our cat was away (though for less time), but I kept seeing him in the conservatory, asleep. I went over again.

They actually had the nerve to tell me it wasn't their fault if he came over, but ours, even though we’ve always treated him so well—changing his food frequently to see what he likes best, playing with him all the time, and giving him plenty of affection. They say it’s our problem. I politely asked them to scare him off immediately. Walking past 20 minutes later, he was still there.

We’ve even seen our cat locked in their conservatory when no one was even home. My mum is making herself ill over it, thinking it’s our fault. We’re paying vet bills almost every month, and it really adds up. We’ve thought about reporting them or calling the RSPCA/police.

My neighbours just won't listen to reason. What do you think?

Thanks for your help

Translated from French
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26 answers
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    • S
    Saint thomas Icon representing the flag French
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    Your neighbours sound like the kind of people nobody would want – they certainly exist! It seems like they actually enjoy winding people up. Isn’t there any way you can make your cat hate going over to theirs? I wouldn’t like it either if someone took my cat into their home. I once had a Maine Coon that basically lived in our garden; we knew someone who knew the owner. We’d take the cat back, but he’d be straight back again in no time. Eventually, we asked the owner to either give him to us or sell him because we’d had enough, and the poor thing was a sorry sight with his fur all matted. It took quite a long time before she was willing to come into the house instead of just staying in the garage. That was our first cat. I highly doubt a cat would stay in a garden with a dog that hates them – cats aren't stupid!
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    C
    Cartésienne Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi @Espérence; yes, but then the cat can’t go out into the fields in the countryside anymore. I can’t speak for other people’s cats, but mine wouldn't stand for it; their territory is just too vast, they’d feel completely stifled in a catio.
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    E
    Esperance Icon representing the flag French
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    In case anyone else is interested in the same thing, one option is a catio (a cat patio).

    They can be built in all sorts of sizes.

    The benefits:

    - your fur babies are no longer at risk of being run over, getting trapped, poisoned, or shot;

    - the birds are safe;

    - it sorts out any issues with the neighbours.

    You can find plenty of DIY examples on YouTube.

    Translated from French
    C
    Cartésienne Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi, I'm feeling a bit guilty now because I feed the hedgehogs from March to November, plus my cat is being a real handful lately—she refuses to come indoors and sleeps in the outdoor houses I’ve got on my patio... so what I mean is, I have to leave dry food out constantly for months on end. I’ve seen two 'squatter' cats on my night-vision camera coming to eat as well, but I’m definitely not trying to lure them in; if I see them during the day, I actually shoo them away. But neighbours opening their patio doors to let someone else’s cat in, I completely understand your frustration. And if I've understood correctly, they close the door behind the cat, so it’s essentially trapped at the neighbours’ house? It seems like whenever people see a cat out and about, they assume it doesn’t belong to anyone and try to claim it for themselves. Honestly, thank goodness mine are a bit wild and skittish; they spend a lot of time outside in the summer, but they don’t go into other people's houses, even if I’m sure some folks have tried to get them to come in...
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    M
    Mrtn6 Icon representing the flag French
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    Some of the replies here absolutely floor me. You have to wonder if some people are even capable of basic reasoning. It is just scandalous to claim that you can feed an animal that doesn't belong to you! Will these people pay the vet bills when the animal gets ill? No, I don't think so. Have these people contributed to his care since he was born? Not a chance. You can't just enjoy the perks of having a cat at someone else's expense. I’m having the same issue with my neighbours—neighbours I actually get on with perfectly well in every other area of our lives. After asking them nicely 50 times to stop feeding him, especially with wet food pouches that aren't right for his diet, I finally gave them an ultimatum. My cat is overweight, and his health is at stake. He is MY baby and it’s not up for negotiation! I’ve turned into someone nasty and threatening. I told them that the next time I go round and see a food bowl, I’m going to smash it on the floor, along with anything that looks like one. Bowls, dishes, saucers—everything’s going, and then maybe they’ll finally understand. For months now, I’ve only been giving my cat half-rations because I don’t know if he’s been fed elsewhere during the day, yet I see his big belly every time. Enough of this nonsense. We have every right to demand that neighbours don't feed our pets, FOR THEIR OWN GOOD! My cat shouldn't be lured away by the neighbours. They need to respect my request not to feed him. It's about mutual respect in society, otherwise it’s just anarchy. And if it is anarchy, there’s nothing stopping me from wrecking all their crockery ✌
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    C
    Charlottedemesy Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m absolutely appalled by the responses here. I live in the countryside, and unless you own a very expensive pedigree cat, all cats go outside. All cats hunt at night in the wild. Every cat has its own territory, which starts with their owner's home. And if you have a cat, it’s because you chose to have one—to love them, pamper them, respect them, and form a bond. I’m sorry, but when I see an animal that I know belongs to someone else, I might keep it safe if there’s a safety risk at that moment while I try to get it back to its owner, but I’d never dream of just keeping it, giving it cuddles, and even less so feeding it, because that’s luring it away! An animal has an owner who feeds it and loves it. It’s not up to the neighbours to entice an animal that belongs to someone else; regardless of the animal's lifestyle, it’s none of their business. If the cat goes into their house, fine—they can either complain about it or accept that the cat is passing through their property, but it should stop there. Anything beyond that is intentional luring. How is the owner supposed to manage things when a third party is messing with the animal’s behaviour? It’s the poor animal that ends up suffering. That’s what this kind of neighbourly behaviour leads to! It’s theft, plain and simple! I’m having the exact same trouble—the same lies, the same snide remarks—and for three years now, I’ve hardly seen my cat, whom I loved more than anything. They keep telling me they aren't feeding him. They say they have a cat flap, but they can’t exactly block it off, can they??? But I’ve seen them with my own eyes opening their patio doors to let him in. I’ve asked them several times to stop and not to feed him because he’s stopped coming home. I told them I loved that cat. The last time, they actually told me I didn’t look after my pets properly! On top of the judgment, I told them it was none of their business! And when I asked if they at least took him to the vet, they told me I should just do it myself—the cheek of it! I don't even have access to my own cat anymore! What dishonest hypocrites—they don't have any pets of their own anymore, so it’s clearly very convenient for them to nick everyone else’s friendliest ones! So, what’s the solution then? Keeping my cat cooped up indoors for life just because of some dishonest neighbours?
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    D
    Dumonteil Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi everyone, I’m having the same issue as Lodd. After having the freedom to sleep outside while we were away on our summer holidays, our cat has been giving us the cold shoulder ever since we got back. Mind you, when my children came over to feed him, he was around the house, and he was also there when my daughter stayed at my place for her holidays. He must have been on his own for about ten days, with my daughters visiting him every day. As soon as we returned, he completely ignored us and refused any strokes. He’s gone to live outdoors, much to our despair. He was so well looked after before; he spent all his time in our arms, slept on the bed with us at night, and was always up for a cuddle throughout the day. We’ve no idea what’s going on in his head. We went to see an elderly neighbour who apparently lets him finish off her own cat's leftovers. I asked her to shoo him away (she acted like it was practically my fault!), but she won't do it. She even told me I should buy the same food she does. For the record, I order him vet-recommended dry food for neutered cats, high in protein, to prevent him from developing kidney problems like our previous cat had. I think she’s just happy to have him there; he’s mates with her cat and her dog. We tried to keep him shut in with us, but he really didn't appreciate it, and now we can't even get near him because he’s wised up to it. Since the end of August, he’s only come back of his own accord for two afternoons to nap in his favourite bed. It’s been a month and a half since he last set paw in the house, and my husband and I are gutted. Besides the neighbour's food, we spot him occasionally coming to eat the food we leave out for him. I’m worried he’s going feral! We’ve given up on the neighbour—she’s as stubborn as a mule—but now we’re left without a cat. He’s young, he’ll be 2 in April, so maybe it's just a teenage phase. Either way, we refuse to replace him; we’re still hoping that one day he’ll come back. Every now and then, he comes to look through the windows, but if we open up to let him in, he runs away. We just can’t understand it. There was so much love between us before the holidays!
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    Marion17310
    Marion17310 Icon representing the flag French
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    If they love cats so much, they should just adopt one of their own and deal with all the costs that come with it. As far as I can see, they’re perfectly happy having the kitty in their home and keeping him for days on end, but what about helping his "real" family pay for the vet bills?
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    ?
    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Sending a formal letter to tell your neighbours to shoo your cat away... You’re only driving a wedge between you and your neighbours and moving further away from an amicable solution. Your cat doesn’t give a toss about laws or who he "belongs" to; he goes where it’s nice and where the food is good. You need to understand first of all that these people clearly like cats and are trying to bond with him. If you just tell them to kick him out, I highly doubt they’ll listen. Think about it: nobody lures a cat in with treats just to chuck him out the door straight after. First, train your cat to come home at a set time in the evening by offering him some wet food he loves. If he shows up before then, give him a treat. As for your neighbours, you need to appeal to their better nature: - Ask them to let you know whenever your cat is at their house. And when they do get in touch, go and pick him up right away. The next day, give them a box of chocolates to say thank you (really nice ones, mind you). The gesture might seem over the top, but it shows how much your cat means to you. It also shows you have some consideration for them; it’s more than just a simple "thanks". While they’re enjoying the chocolates, they’ll make a positive association with their action (returning your cat to you). Next time your cat visits, they’ll be torn between doing the right thing again or keeping the cat. You’ll probably think they’ll just keep the cat and eat the chocolates anyway; that’s only natural because you’re convinced they’re out to get you. In reality, they’ll contact you because keeping your cat doesn’t get them any chocolates (more specifically, it won't stroke their ego, they won't get any thanks, and the pleasure of the chocolate will be reduced to just the taste). Best regards,
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    Marion17310
    Marion17310 Icon representing the flag French
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    Get your vet to confirm in writing that your cat is unwell and that because of your neighbours, he can’t be treated properly. Send them the bill and the vet's note; that should make them see sense. Mind you, just because your neighbours stop letting your cat in doesn't mean he’ll spend any more time at home with you.
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